Yes HAHA or LOL, whatever it takes to get us all laughing.
Rules are simple:
Must post a joke in comment.
Please no foul language.
Please do not make it a long read.
Better be funny.
There will be 3 judges.
Will Vote out 3 places 1. 100% 2. 50% 3. 25%
Will announce winner on Day 5
Are there any questions?
Holy cow a lot of jokes to read.
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My buddy's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
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What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left off to college?
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In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull’s testicles.
One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Funny, why are they so small today?”
The waiter: “Today, sir, the bull won.”
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Great idea!! Should be fun.
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey. After drinking the shot he looks into his pocket.
He does this over and over again and then finally leaves.
The next night the man comes back to the bar and again orders a shot of whiskey. Like the night before after each shot he again looks down into his pocket.
Finally, the bartender asks why he looks into his pocket each time after he takes a shot of whiskey.
The man responded, "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then I know it's time to go home."
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Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Opportunity!
That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!
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Father: “Son, you were adopted.”
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
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This made me laugh!!!
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I like it!
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Its good to laugh. thanks
Now that you laugh
Here is an up vote to make you smile
@evlachsblog
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How did the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee?
He drank it before it was cool.
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Why do hipsters like using the subway? Because its underground
Man i hope hipster jokes turn into the chuck norris popularity
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Not mine, but I like it:
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i think using a "#" joke contest will be effective... if any one wants to participate.
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Science Tip: You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while...
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I rowed my bike at midnight past the cemetery. I feel my bike is getting heavier. I think in ghost disturbance. I ran away from the bike. tomorrow morning i go with my dad to take it .. it is just a rope that twisted in the gap tire
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"Joke"
Posted joke above, I hope I win. :)
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Tether is backed 1:1 by US dollars.
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Now that is Hilarious!
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mvp!
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I don't know. I'm German, so humour is not my strong suit. Once I entered ten puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
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In the bid to burn 10 pounds per day
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Very funny
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This made all my friends laugh, I hope you too:
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Judy, do you think I'm a bad mother ?
My name is Mary.
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A man went to Church on Sunday and gave testimony that he was infected with ebola and
God had healed him.
When he had finished, he tried to give the microphone to the 2nd man but the 2nd man
refused to take it.
2ND MAN- I have no testimony. Give it to Pastor.
PASTOR- I'm not in charge of testimonies so give it
to the Senior Pastor.
SENIOR PASTOR- Brother in Christ, the microphone is yours. It's a gift from the Church. You may take it home.
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A DRUNK is stopped at four in the morning by a POLICE who reprimands him:
The drunk, completely drunk, answers:
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MEN WILL BE LIKE YOU ARE THE ONLY FLOWER IN MY GARDEN...AMD LADIES BELIEVE...HMMM HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A GARDEN WITH ONE FLOWER?
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Not unless it's a rose!
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honestly i know three ways of hearing the news
1.the internet
2.radio/tv
3.women
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What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large-breasted crab?
One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
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What do you do with a full brain and an empty wallet?
Steem it!
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Nice one, bro. Followed.
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...said no-won ever 😊
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😂😂. Lol. More like said every spammer on steemit. This should totally win.
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Nice
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A guy walks into a bar...
Ouch...
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Two tomatoes crossing a road.
First tomato screams to the other: "Look out for that ca..pfttt"
Second tomato: "Which ca...pfttt"
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I Want my house to be tidy enough that if someone pops by unexpectedly it don't look like I'm six days into battling a poltergeist
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Women “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”
Vs Men “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”
VS
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Does anyone use the Squatty Potty? Its reminds me of when I was a kid & used to do cannonballs in the pool. But instead your taking an aggressive dump.
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"Theres No Difference Between Bitconnect Coin & Litecoin, there both a currency" - January 22, 2018
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Q: What is the definition of an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic?
A: That's the person who lies awake half the night wondering if there really is a dog.
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PINOY JOKE
One day a father and son had a short conversation.
Son: Dad, I have a drug test tommorow. What should I do?(while laughing)
The son is a drug user but his father didn't know about it.
Father: Ha! Then why are you laughing at. Take your review!
Whose the drug addict now?
Laughter is the best medicine! So, LAUGH NOW STEEMIANS!
Respect
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Good contest ... @bigram13
I hope we can be freinds ...
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I'm in!!!!! great contest thank you for putting it together...
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Once upon a time my kid decided to take a shower without arguing.
And then he was clean.
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Doctor's Visit Doctor: "What seems to be the problem today?" Patient: "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time," The Doctor nods, "Hmm." Patient: "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times." "Hmm," says the Doctor, as he picks up his pad and writes out a prescription. The patient is thrilled "Thank you Doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?" "No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses, it stinks like a fermented diaper in here. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
.gif)
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Pete and Repeat go in a boat
Pete false in water
Who rest in a boat?
Answer= Repeat...lol u repeat always :P
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The store little boy:
Are you sure that you sent out and bought four pounds of chocolates and two hundred grams of potatoes?
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No foul language? Well tihs and kcuf.
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Loll
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Do you know why Pirates are called Pirates?
Because they ARRRRRRRRR
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Ghosts are now intelligent these days. Before crossing the road they tend to obey the traffic light.
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Here's my joke: "About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast."
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😂😂😂
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Why do cows have hooves insted of feet?
Because they lack toes...
(lactose)
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Diet at the Best Restaurants
Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn’t want to gain weight in the wrong places?
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and then she said "THATS A SCAM!"
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.
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Cockroaches think if they dont move then you won't notice them
If only cockroaches can speak
Me: You know that i can see you right?
Cockroach: no you can't.😂😂😂😂
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Girl : Hey come over tonight babe!
Guy : I can't I'm looking after the house.
Girl : I just got 500 Steem power and my vote is 100% right now.
Guy :
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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car.
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Math teacher, said: Kid, if you have 5 apples in one hand and 5 apples in the other, what do you have?
Kid: a big hands, sir.
Great contest! I loved it.
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My girlfriend left me because she says I only ever think about football.
I'm gutted, we'd been together for nearly three seasons.
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What is red and smells like blue paint??
Red paint.
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When you remember that you saw a picture of a 'baby chick' before an interview.
What an answer!
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No racism intended! This is intended for laughs.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just JUAN...
:D
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welcome aboard wish you a good start here on steemit enjoy your stay keep posting. Check out this below project. Follow and upvote for the project.
https://steemit.com/steemit/@sreeram661/upvote-funding-crypto-mining-company-improved-plan
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A boy once asked his dad to give him one Bitcoin on his 18th birthday.
Dad: What, $10,154!? $8,601 is a lot of money! What will you do with $9,875 anyway?
-Credits to the owner of the joke. I just read this joke somewhere.-
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ya it can bounce around very fast. I like the joke.
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Can someone tell me how i can transfer 100 Bitcoin from my mind to my wallet?
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Some just called me and I answered that it's a wrong number.
He then ended the call only to call in a few minutes later asking if I knew the correct number.
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Q. What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A. A desserter.
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Never underestimate a child.
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ea guys go see the doctor and tell him when i touch me anywhere with my finger mmm ouch another place ouch the other hand ouch...each place ouch Dammit hurt him so badly dammmmit
the doctor tell him....its ur finger are broken :PPP
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Doctor: What is your problem, how can I help you?
Me: Doctor, I am coughing and have hard time breathing.
Doctor: Are you smoking cigarets?
Me: I am, but it doesn't help.
Just want to say awesome contest. I was planning to run joke contests as well since my account will be dedicated to spreading jokes (mostly OC). Hopefully I will see you in some :)
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bitcoin is dead
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and bitconnect is alive
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upvote grrr cauze bitconnect are really asshole and its true is alive bitcoin is normal got a drop look what btconnect do grr
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Police officer: “Your car is too heavily overloaded. I simply cannot let you continue like that. I’m going to have to take away your driver’s license.”
Driver: “You’re kidding me, right? The license can only weigh one ounce tops!
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...good funny.....i love funny....thanj for sharing....dear @bigram13...@♥…
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Good post, I really liked, I hope you also liked my post
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Ok, this gonna be funny...
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couldn't tell whether i should laugh of feel sorry for the girl.
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Haha...
The girl was just a little unlucky, not careful in her movements on the pole...
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DAUGHTER :. mum you are invading my privacy
MOM :.oh wow but let me remind you came out through my privacy
Thank you
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Where does a fish keep its money?
A river bank.
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Pedro: Juan why are you sad today?
Juan: I'm a bit sad Pedro because my wife hired a driver
Pedro: Oh! really, so are you jealous of that?
Juan: Nope, I'm not jealous. It is just weird because we don't have any car.
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Ya, that would be weird.
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A guy decided to enter the local pun contest and in order to maximize his chance for winning he entered 10 puns. Unfortunately no pun in 10 did
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I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong
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Nice contest. I've gone through most of these short and sexy entries and I gotta say I was really BLOWN away. Plus I went through all of them in like ten seconds and they didn't make me feel terrible about myself. Really glad I came tonight. Think I might come again. No porn intended.
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It's not every day a contest comes along that makes you a winner just by the virtue of your username , 'cos if no one wins this contest, doesn't it mean I won?
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Teacher: Sandun, find Australia on that map.
Sandun: Here it is.
Teacher: Ok students, who found the Austarlia?
Students: Sandun
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are you very hungry? no,we are hungry :v
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Conversation between two friends
Debby: I need money to buy Valentine's gift for all my boyfriends
Vivian: Collect shirts from all of them and swap it between them as gifts. What do you think?
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#Joke Time
There were couple with a huge car accident happened. After the accident some concern people brought them to the hospital. The wife was alright but the husband was on critical condition. After few minutes in the OR the doctor went out and had a conversation with the wife.
Wife: Doc. How's my husband?(while crying)
Doctor: Sorry ma'am! But, we need to cut off his two legs.
Wife: No, doc. I can't accept that news. No way!( while crying out loud)
Doctor: Joke joke joke! (While laughing) his already DEAD.
Wife: Nothing to say (*Shock)
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
What will happen if all doctors are jokers like us!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Let's go play with our bikes.
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I hate it when people point to their wrists to ask for the time!😠😠😠 I mean, seriously, do I point to my crotch when I need to go to a Restroom?😠😠😠
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this is true, I might need to start, that is why I am getting weird looks.
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Knock! Knock!
"Who's there?"
Cows.
"Cows, who?"
No, cows moo!
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I love her but she doesn't love me back.
cries in the corner
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Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
You don’t need make-up, Jane.
Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!
You need plastic surgery.
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father trying to fool his son
father: look Son there is a Lion ..
son: yes Dad. with 3 cub...
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I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
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Bitconnect is going to the moon!!
100+ gains!!
Source:steemit.com
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A newly married man arrived home from work looking down cast. His wife asked him, honey what is the problem?
Husband : I have a problem.
Wife: You don't say I when you're married, you say we. You know we're one, we share our burdens.
Husband: Okay, we have a problem.
Wife: What is it honey?
Husband: Our secretary in our office is pregnant for us!
Wife: You and who? You are the player solve it alone now....
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i'm not a joke? look at my face, you have to loughf!
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