Oct 22nd, Yesterday the internet stopped working for a few minutes while I was doing khan academy. I woke at around 4:10 am. My phone vibrated twice. Airplane and silent mode were on. There was no notification. It was not charging, despite being plugged in. My fan was working. I turned it off. Someone walked down the hall, closed a door, and spoke. It took me a while to get back to sleep. I woke repeatedly but briefly in the last few hours. I woke at 8 when the person upstairs walked around. My phone does charge, despite no change in the wiring. I looked up directions to the nice bike store, ate breakfast, and got ready, listened to Children by Escala and God is So Good... I had called about a fitting and test rides, but when I got there the fitting was $120 and by appointment, and they didn't have bikes in my size there to try. I learned the frame size I need... I went to look up bike information, but the internet was down again. I washed the dishes. My neighbor came in and said he fixed the bathroom door so now it swings open more easily, and that we were the only two using it. Nolan came in and asked if I was looking for a bike. He said he would sell me one for $20. He said he was going to sell it on kijiji but decided not to. He told me how convenient it would be to have one. I said I would finish my dishes and look at it. He said I had mail. I asked "here?" He inferred I had a PO box. I looked and got a letter from the police. He bid me come and see the bike. I did and said I'd think about it. I told him he didn't need to hold it for me, and thanked him. He said "Oh, you don't want it?" Nolan asked if I was working for Claire. I finished dishes as Damon cooked and played Christian music. I saw Igor outside. I checked out the bathroom door. My neighbor whose door was wide open asked if it was better. I ate a little and took the bus to the metro. I saw Adrian when I got there. He said Henry would be there soon. We brought out a bike to assemble, and had a lot of trouble putting on a new seat, taking off the tires, etc. I spoke mostly in French. We trued the wheels and with much effort inflated the tires. Henry came in later, then left for a bit. We also cleaned the chain a little. Henry taught me the different kinds of cables. Adrian showed me the different kinds of housing. He also gave me my membership card since I have volunteered for 20 hours. Adrian listened to soccer, and played the "I like to ride my bicycle" song. I worked on the brakes most of the time. Henry taught me a little French. They asked me if I was coming to the party, and I said probably no. BTW the letter from the police I got said they didn't have enough evidence and the case was pending… I saw my neighbor come down the hall and said hi.
Oct 23rd, I woke at 7:30 and got ready. I was a few minutes early. The kitchen was dirty so I cleaned it. Mariam told me to use a bag of lettuce and add it to the other heads. As I started chopping the first one, Mariam mixed the bag in. [I had recently read an MTL blog article, saying the biggest fines were given out to restaurants for dirty areas and food kept in high temperatures, also rodent feces but that I didn't see.] I told her it tasted old. She said some things I did not understand. "ne net pas" She said it would taste okay with the dressing. She brought a bowl somewhere else and said someone said it was just a preservative and was good. I chopped the heads separately, but the lettuce from the bag stank the whole time. It looked wilted and mushy, obviously going bad. I kept them in separate containers and helped Renee and Cora. I used more and understood more French, but not all. Sometimes I was left without direction and started measuring. ... I returned to the kitchen. Andrew asked how many bowls. What Marian said I had enough good lettuce for. Mariam said Evelyn was here. I had filled about a dozen bowls when Mariam suggested I mix them. I said I wanted to set out the good lettuce first. Evelyn told me repeatedly I had to stop and put out the bad lettuce first. She said even if I didn't like it I had to do as I was told. I looked it up, and found when lettuce gets brown and slimy it can be dangerous for the health. I believe it also tasted sour. I told Evelyn and Mariam I wasn't going to serve the bad lettuce, and showed them what I had read and my concerns. I also found a... hair in a salad. I said I was going to serve the good lettuce, and if they served the others it was their choice. Mariam thought that was fine. Evelyn still demanded she serve the bag first and put the good in the back. I prepped mine while she prepped hers, and Andrew took them both. I read the website to her and she insisted it was fine because no one got sick. I asked if I could ask her a personal question, and if she was a Christian, Catholic, or went to church. She said she was a Catholic. I said in these situations I ask what would Jesus do. She did not seem bothered at all that she served the old salad first. She also said I didn't have to eat it, and could take a bowl, cover it with paper, and put it in the fridge for myself, and no one would have to know. I told her clearly no. I helped get the ladles, and said bye. Mariam asked if I had eaten. I looked over the store, went home, and ate. I saw the guy... go to my neighbor's room. I left without brushing my teeth and took the bus… Beverly was sitting next to me. I used the men's key to go to the bathroom. I practiced a little role playing with Emily. Jack passed tic tacs around the room. [The one day I missed brushing my teeth is the one day someone did this. -4/1/21] There was no free conversation today. The professor talked about the election, then we worked through a handout about banks… Emily sneezed. I gave her a tissue, and she did not use it but put it in her pocket. Emily did not understand the game or my explanations. I showed her how to use Google translate. Then she said I have already completely blessed Canada. She asked if I was going home by bus. The professor let class out about 15 min early. I went to the bathroom and Isabella was there... I warmed my food and saw my neighbor in the living room on the way back...
//WARNING: SEXUAL CONTENT
When I made spaghetti, Carl came to use the same oven to bake some things. He came back in the kitchen to check while it was still preheating. [I was ovulating at the time, which would have been apparent from what went on in the bathroom. When Carl came in to check his food once or twice while the oven was preheating, he had his head close to my hips. I heard him inhale deeply as he walked away one of the times.]...
//END SEXUAL CONTENT
Oct 24th, I woke after 2 and before 6. There was some noise in the hallway, and I did not sleep well. I got up around 8, did Duolingo, looked into my phone's storage problem, sent an email to a police officer asking him to confirm the evidence I submitted [I asked if it includes the surveillance video. The officer I gave the flash drive to checked it and confirmed she saw the assault.], and read some of Bryan Andrew's paper. I rested and got ready. I took the bus which was 3 minutes early. The professor was the only person there. He corrected my story on dangerous children. He thought it was funny. He asked if I spoke to my family this week. I said no. He asked when was the last time. I said we just talk when something is interesting and not routinely. He told me when his daughter was young, she cut her own hair. I said I did the same thing when I was 5. I thought I was helping my parents. He asked if I only had one brother. I said I had two brothers and two sisters. He said I had a big family. He asked if I was the oldest or the youngest. I said youngest... I told him I met several Canadians with many brothers and sisters. He said that was rare. More people came in. For the first 15 minutes we had free conversation. I repeated to Emily what I talked to the professor about, and talked about different home school families. She talked about her family in America. I remembered I should show her how to put a shortcut to Google translate on her phone… which helped her. I explained she can speak into it. We got a handout and started reading through it together. She was really happy with the shortcut, but she didn't act friendly after the exercise. It was a little different. Derek sat next to me. I was copying/translating words as the professor had people read what Emily and I had already read. Douglas read first. Then I was asked to read, but started in the wrong spot. I answered a few questions, went ahead a little in the handout, and wasn't completely listening when the teacher was going over the answers. Derek asked what the teacher said about the fields I left blank or wrote a different answer at the bottom. [People will seem to know about things for which I can be criticized, and ask about them.] I told him what the teacher said about one but said I did not see the answer for the other. The handout was a little tedious, and the professor said tomorrow's work would be more pleasant. During the break, everyone on my side went away except Bruce. [I was ignoring him. This may be continuing to try to make me look like a flirtatious slut.] ... At home I read the rest of Andrew's paper, and wrote a few critiques... My neighbor forgot something and happened to come back as I was closing the door.
Oct 25th, I woke around ?, 4, 4:20, 5:20, and rested till 7:30 am. I read some chapters in Isaiah and underlined things... I wrote about organizing the bike shop and heated some spaghetti. On my way back, my neighbor who had his door wide open asked me if I wanted some pears. He said he didn't know if they would go bad. He gestured to his shelf, implicitly inviting me in. I said thanks anyway. He said it's all good. [Kevin invited me into a room without surveillance while I believe I would be fertile. This is another point of consistency with an attempt to impregnate.]... Emily and Bruce sat next to me. We… played kahoot again. ... I did pretty well in the game, but each person who had the lead got booted off, so it didn't end up being competitive. [I believe the last time I typed up journal notes, there was a line I did not include about someone being praised and not me. This glitch could test my competitiveness and harass me.] Jack sat next to me, and used the nickname Pas Grave. [That's something he always joked. It means no big deal.]... While at the store a Muslim girl started saying something about a credit card with points. I was uncertain and not super polite, but said I didn't think I wanted it... My neighbor was laughing in his room… I watched an interesting video I bumped into on how to kill the ego. You keep someone around who is greater for you to learn from, lesser for you to teach, and equal who you can compete against.
Oct 26th, I woke around 3 am and heard a strange cracking noise. I woke from a dream as if caused by noise. I woke around 6:48 am when there was a bang and rested till 7:30 am… I heated my lunch and saw my neighbor and his French visitor, and Maya in the kitchen. Carl came in in a fresh pair of pajama pants, talking on the phone and putting things in the oven. The can opener slipped out of my hand and Carl laughed. [That laugh was weird. It was immediate, impulsive, reflective like a chuckle, and strangely empty and flat. -5/11/21] He left the kitchen and came back. He opened the microwave and asked if the food inside was mine. I took it out and let him use it. [I was looking at Kevin and his friend at the time. Carl laughed at what could have been a sign of nervousness. This could be a test to see if I suspected Kevin of inviting me into his room for nefarious reasons. When he asked me a direct question, he was able to look me in the face and check my mood.]... The internet cut out when I first got back. I ate soup and did duolingo. Then I cleaned while listening to YouTube videos, mostly about productivity. I went to look at art and the internet went out again.
Oct 27th, Last night I spent some time coming up with things to do. I was in bed by 10:00 pm when the internet worked again. I also saw on Facebook some humor about mixing up your words. [Misspeaking is considered a primary symptom of schizophrenia by a lot of people. Schizophrenia is the typical way to depict someone who is geared to know and say something they should not, and is to be portrayed as delusional. Aka gaslighting.] This morning I woke at 5 am and stayed awake for a while. I read some Bible after 6 and got back to sleep. I woke at 9 am, got ready, took the bus part way, and walked. It was cold, rainy, and windy. I was pretty wet when I arrived. The pastor was in the foyer. The same woman sat next to me, but did not imitate me. We had a quiet time for prayer and someone typed the whole time. (I should note yesterday one of the points in the productivity video was to not get distracted. Right after watching those I went to look at art and that is when the internet stopped working.) We had a guest speaker. Also there were new members who read the covenant. It was short, and included obeying and tithing... Fans were turned on which made a noticeably high pitched noise. Someone, a man in the back, murmured throughout the entire sermon. Several people got up, there were noises of babies, and the guy in front scrolled through his phone. I recorded a few seconds. Afterwards there were many deserts. It was still raining so I ate in the entryway. The pastor came up to me and said he was happy he could meet with me and get my name. I paused and said great. He said he was glad I came and went back. I went home and got wet. I saw Mr 216, Mr friend of my 214 neighbor Kevin, and Kevin had his door open and said hi. I got my rain pants out for the next time and changed... I watched restaurant impossible episodes, one about rich/poor family swapping, and one about a girl becoming a Geisha, during which my Torguard shut off. [This meant a tech savvy person with access to the same wifi network could see what I was doing online. I was broadcasting to the building something that could fit with the narrative that I'm a slut. This would be convenient if I were to accuse someone of rape, and they wanted to characterize me as someone who would have voluntarily had sex.] I then watched a show about Hasidic life, then a bunch of youtube videos, one of which was about how emotions affect the heart and broken heart syndrome. [Psychological abuse is arguably also physical and can be fatal.] I asked my mom about my ancestor Lady Mary Reed who had come to Canada. I put things away and got ready for bed. I was playing the song Consequences by Concerning Lily when the video froze for a few minutes.
Oct 28th, I woke up around 3:30 am, read the Bible. There were 3 bangs at around 4:30 am, which sounded like they came from down stairs. I woke at 8 am... My neighbor was there when I opened the door to get ready. My neighbor knocked on my door and asked for information for welfare, saying everyone else was asleep or away. He said he needed the owner's name and number. I brought my dishes out and asked him how he moved here without getting the owner's name and number. He said he signed the lease through (I think he said the janitor). I gave him the information. I could see he got a fridge since the last time he offered me pairs. I made food and did dishes, during which he came to the kitchen and asked me if I had been here long, if it was a few months. I asked him his name. He said Kevin. He asked mine and I said Sharon. He asked me if I had plans for Halloween. I said no. He asked me if I liked to do the parties. I said no. I gathered my things and told him to have a nice day. He said if I needed help with something, not to be shy and ask. [This could be to either depict us as friendly to others or to try to start a relationship that involves partying.] I was not acting friendly when he asked me about partying… We had 15 minutes of free discussion. Kenneth was on one side with Isabella. Emily and the other girl weren't here. Sophia invited me to their group. The topic was what I did last weekend. I said lots of things, but I didn't want to remember. Sophia and the other girl talked. Sophia goes to a French church in addition to a Spanish one for practice. She brought coffee. We talked a little in class about weather, then moved on to fires, robberies, and accidents... When I heated up supper a rough looking Lucas asked for his swamp cooler back as it works as a humidifier in the winter. He asked if I used it a lot, and if I wasn't the type to get overheated. I saw Ellie and Easton. I ate and looked at the news, organized files, and posted the Narcissism brochure, asking for feedback.
Oct 29th, Last night when I turned on airplane mode there was a stomp on the floor above me. I went to bed after 10 but had a hard time falling asleep, and woke up early. I looked at the clock around 4:30 am and didn't get back to sleep for hours. I went to the bathroom and read the Bible. There was another bang, but only when my eyes were open. I woke at 8, 9, and around 9:45 am, read Bible, did duolingo, and went back to research. Facebook did not load… BTW, at the library, Facebook loaded, but Torguard forgot its password.
I went to the metro to buy a ticket, but my change got stuck. The man behind the counter let me buy one. I remember last week when I went to the bathroom at the bike shop, a guy tried to open the door just before I did, and he freaked out when I came out and said he is not a creeper. This week I was 5 minutes late. The door was open, but no one was there. It was extremely hot inside. [I had tried to hide my fatigue from Henry before.] I saw some organization, including some of the ideas I wrote. Adrian came. I looked for my notes, then Henry came. He said they were working on organizing small parts. I sorted axles, measured a part, paired brake pads, cleaned chains, and sorted screws. Henry asked if I worked close by. I said I didn't have a job and wasn't a student, though I studied French. I said I had time to do what I like. I said I did volunteering at a thrift store and bike shop. He asked if I had an apartment in Montreal. I said I had my own room in Longueuil. He asked if I shared a kitchen, bathroom, if I had roommates, and if it was in a house or a building. I asked him why he asked so many questions. He said it wasn't important, he was just curious. I tried to speak more French. Adrian asked me if I was going to buy a bike. Adrian worked on a board that had pictures of naked people on it. Henry brought it into the room, and some boys came, Anthony was one, and they looked at it and cussed a lot. [Their behavior suggested they wanted to create an unwelcoming environment.] I said I would probably be there next week. I left and journaled on the way back. When I got home, Torguard still didn't remember the password, so I put it in… I was looking at a free swing dance class when torguard shut off. The second time I attempted to log in, it wouldn't, and then Torguard didn't want to work. I restarted and put my password in again and it worked. When I put my food away, Lucas was in the salle.
Oct 30th, I slept better than the previous 2 nights. Though I woke many times I got back to sleep. When I was washing my hair, my neighbor knocked on the door and said he was just checking. When I was making breakfast I saw Nolan walk down the hall with his new bike. I checked Facebook and the news and went to volunteer. Evelyn was sick. Work was pretty quiet. There was a meeting with some of the leadership. [They were talking in a circle outside the kitchen. -5/11/21] Mariam told me next week was closed because they were preparing for a big event. I helped Renee. She repeatedly asked me to reach up to do things. I am wearing a shirt today that shows my stomach or could when I do that. I had taken note of that in the mirror that morning. I practiced more French. It was pretty hot there. [Interesting that Lucas got his swamp cooler back before several environments were overheated for me.]... A guy stopped me and asked me in French where I could buy an OPUS refill for the next month. I asked RTL or STL, he wanted Longueuil. I gave him directions. He asked for change for a $5. I said I didn't have it. This morning I put OPUS refill on my To Do list, and my bag for money broke, so I left it in my zipper pocket [mixed with the other things]. [In February when I worked on editing this section, I had a slight reaction, meaning a minor increase of blood flow in my chest, when I read this. My heart rate and breathing were not substantially changed. Directly after I went to the bathroom and came back to my bag, I found that my MicroSD card that was mixed in with my change had been snapped in two pieces. MicroSD cards are unlikely to do that on their own. This and many other indications demonstrate an ability to read minute changes in blood flow and a willingness to act on those changes as if actionable intelligence. It seems sometimes that there is a general sense that all MicoSD cards are dangerous and potential carriers of evidence against them, and must be destroyed, even without checking the contents. -3/18/20] I went to class. I looked at my notes. Emily came in and asked ça va. Around 4 minutes before class, I started practicing talking about my job as a dog washer. When class time started, Mariah had sat next to Emily, and they conversed. Isabella was on the other side, but wasn't talking at all. I started writing. After being ignored for a while, Mariah invited me in and asked what I did yesterday. I said I worked with bikes. After talking about that for about a minute, I went back to talking about my first job. She asked if I had a dog, and I told the story about Lady. Class was about fire, police, and ambulances. Douglas came in and sat next to me. I answered a few questions. During break, Douglas asked me if the country I came from used the same alphabet. I wrote Lady and Puppy's story. [This story was about a lady and a tramp, how the tramp died, and lady’s puppies were mostly taken away.] After class, it was 10+ min before 4, I showed the professor what I wrote, and he made corrections... I saw 2 ambulances, 1 was parked by the gas station on my street. The other by the shopping center. Both did not have their lights on. I bought a baguette and was eating it while I was at the Dollarama. One song played. The words were something like, "Do you get it now, I've got nothing to lose." I ate while I walked home. [I had seemed sick after eating a baguette. The song could suggest they interpreted me as I wasn't afraid of dying or that I was dying/very sick. ] I straightened my room and got my laundry. Someone had their laundry in with 5 minutes to go. I put my laundry in around 6:44 pm. Today there are also clothes laid out to dry… Easton came in with a lot of laundry and was disappointed. I had 25 minutes left. He told me to move my clothes in after, but I told him I didn't know if the other guy would come back last minute and use the dryer. Easton was upset and left. The other guy came back about half way through my drying cycle. It was the same guy who gave me such a long delay and potentially wet clothes or else drying past 10 pm last time. He left. I brought my laundry back and Ellie was looking for Kevin. He did not seem to be there. She noted my room and said that was her first room here...
Oct 31st, I slept better than last night but still woke a few times. I had many dreams. I looked up used bikes and got ready. I wore my fitted grey turtleneck shirt. The leaves I had put on the ceiling fan fell 2 or 3 times. That almost never happens. I changed my shirt. [When I was putting the leaves back up on the ceiling fan, I would be stretched out in such a way that it shows off my figure.] I washed my dishes. A guy came in and heated a drink. Then someone else, I think my neighbor, came to the other sink for a second… The professor lectured on Halloween, then about advertisements. When he asked me to read, someone asked the professor a question before I began. This has happened so many times to me in particular, it is the norm. I wrote it down in French. Emily left for a few minutes… After class started again, 4-5 students were still in the corner talking while the professor lectured. Also during the break, when I was translating words, google translate stopped working. I was looking up dictionaries on google play, and it started working again. I… stopped in a bike shop… The cheapest was an $80 hybrid. He hated the chinese stuff. He keeps frames from the 1960-80s...