How to seek counselling: an empathetic dichotomous approach to psychological wellness.

Are you disturbed? Feeling vulnerable or triggered?

There are two main options to dealing with psychological trauma. One takes into account the entire spectrum of emotional cognitive functioning, the other is dealing with it like you're not a complete pussy.

If you're a special snowflake, and life is getting you down, find a safe space, some big cushions and a warm, comfortable lesbian. Together you can formulate a new identity onto which you can invert all your inadequacies into a victimisable minority status. It's not that you're a beta male with low muscle tone, you're actually an acne-kin, and you sexually identify as a sebaceous gland. You're not a banal, middle aged mop with a PhD, you're a social justice warrior, standing up for sebaceous lesbian-kin wherever they might be marginalised; be it facebook, chatrooms, steemit, but not the middle east, who are we to judge? Indeed, whatever kind of generally unwanted identity you have can be completely inverted into a functional victimhood in 15 minutes or less!

But, what if you're a white, heterosexual alpha male? How can you invert perfection? If life is getting you down, victimhood and lesbian hugs are simply not available resources. You're going to have to deal with your problems like a real man. First of all, stop calling your mother; most of this is her fault for giving you warmth and love; otherwise known as weaknesses. After shutting off your family, develop good habits. I assume you already exercise, as an alpha male is tall, muscular and ripped. By good habits I mean, stop solving your problems by sitting on the couch and drinking beer... Way too many carbs.

• Switch to a good vodka or whisky, the stronger and cheaper the better.

• Stay away from self help books. Unless you chopped down the tree and made the paper yourself, you're only relying on other people.

• Start having one night stands, and wake her up the next day by quoting the Old Testament:

Proverbs 23:27
For a whore is a deep ditch; and a strange woman ( @stellabelle ) is a narrow pit.

• Indeed.

• Binge on carbs once a week, and appreciate the warmth, tone and smell of truly manly farts.

• Think of homelessness as 'developing survival skills'.

• Set goals that motivate you

• Hit 30

• Abandon Goals

If you follow these simple steps, you're well on your way to becoming a self actualized modern man with purpose in a modern society. If you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to ask. I won't hesitate to answer, which should make you question seriously the value of my advice.

Many thanks to @clevercreator for the topic idea!