I was on my way home from my daily vax appointment when I came across some freedumb protesters. My heart started beating intensely; I knew it wasn’t just climate change. They were obviously unmasked and the racists likely haven't even had a booster in the last week. I feared that some of them may even be the guardians of the unmasked child at my non-binary 3 year old's playschool. I may have to consider a 15th trimester abortion. I recoil at the sight of their unpunctured upper arms.
I knew I needed to speak the truth in the name of Phauci, the Science, and the holy victims everywhere. Even though they didn’t tell me their pronouns, I confronted them. I shrewdly explained to them that they are being selfish and that they must learn to accept the Scientific truth. I told them that Science can only be administered by persons in authority. They knew I was right so they got in their highly-pollutant SUVs and left. I couldn’t just stand by and let them emit so much co2 without consequence, so I offset their carbon emissions by walking home and planting 5 trees on the way.
I had to pick up some local organic vegan GMO-free soy gluten-free eco-friendly sustainably made products for Gaylord, my non-binary 3 year old, as I haven’t chest fed xer since shortly after my natal body choice. Xer courage to be xer true self inspires me to keep pushing for menstrual equality. As a birthing person, I’m glad I haven’t chosen to abort xer, even though xer’s melanin is not above pro-slavery levels. Xi also refuses to eat food grown outside of Ukraine for obvious reasons.
I finally get to my carbon neutral commune. I realize others may not be aware of how virtuous I am for supporting the current thing in at least a few hours. I turn on the holy sermons on CNN to help alleviate my sins as a white prerson. I breathe a sigh of relief when I find out that I’m still worried about Putin’s price manipulation and long covid. I’m planning on attending a peaceful protest tomorrow where we plan on destroying private property until black lives matter!
