Gents you appreciate the simple pleasure of the days first pee don't you?
You rock up to your ceramic temple. Roll onto the balls of your feet and then back on your heels and away you go. Suddenly you feel invincible. There's nothing you can't do today (albeit all you have to do is pick up a package from sorting office and buy a pint of milk).
Now imagine that sacred time being disturbed by a gap toothed dwarf smashing into the back of your knees whilst mid flow. Then proceeding to stick her head between your legs ("Here's Johnny" style) and try and climb up into the bowl.
All the while you are trying to stay within the parameters of the bowl and not give your daughter some horrible, dirty baptism.
Kids you just can't beat them (not in Scotland anyway).