I remember my first day at school. New people, new friends, new things to learn.. Everything was new. I was looking forward to school. Right from the start teachers and my parents realised that I'm kinda talented, creative and wise. I've never think about me in that way but everyone has been telling me that I'm exceptional. I don't think that even now. But let's go back to my school days. I'm very good at running and I got ambitions to be a professional athlete. So young kid who is nonstop told that he is something more. At this moment everybody wanted to be my friend and I was happy.
Let's jump to 6th grade. That's where it all started. Parents get divorced.. My marks get rapidly worse, my behaviour changed, sport doesn't more seem to be fun and maybe I wasn't ever good in it. New teachers think that I'm even worse that others and I don't deserve well-paid job. That's exactly how I was told. "You don't deserve well-paid job young man." And after this all my first anxiety attack came. I didn't know what it is. I felt like I'm gonna vomit every moment, i couldn't concentrate, i wanted to be happy and smile but it was impossible, i didn't want to eat.. But I didn't tell anybody. I was worried about that so much and it took me next long 4 years to tell someone.
2 years later first suicidal thought came. "I don't want to be here, everyone hate me, I'm dumb I'm so dumb that I don't even deserve to live.." I won so many athlete competitions but at this moment I thought I'm not good enough and I'm wasting others' time so I should stop with it. I didn't smiled for so long that everybody has to notice something is wrong with me. Maybe they did. But they didn't say anything to me. And this is the point where I really though about killing myself for real.
You aren't enough, you are nothing, you shouldn't got born you are just one big mistake.. This was whole day in my mind, I didn't think of anything positive. If someone told me that I'm still that wise and talented person I thought he's making fun of me.
One rainy night I was feeling so lonely, so bad, so unwanted, so hated that I tried to kill myself. I overdosed with antidepressants. I ended up in the hospital in very critical condition. But fortunately, they saved me. And after all this misery all long nights of affliction things started to get better.
And maybe you are the same. No, you are the same. You are a very talented wise person. If has something bad happen to you don't give up as I did. Fight. Fight and you will win. Things are always going to get better. Talk to someone, talk to your friends, parents just don't be alone. You must be here for others.. Your friends, parents, grandparents maybe children. They need you. And don't be scared of getting help as I was. Right people will always stay with you.
Good luck.