Having A Child With A Disability: A New View

  

A gift.  

This was how Jake* was described to me when we first spoke about my friend, Mary’s* son who has a disability. 

Mary, a 38-year old woman with two beautiful children and a husband was born in Korea. Adopted as a 3 month old baby, she was brought to Denmark. Here, having faced her own struggles she met her husband, Bryan*.  

Soon after marrying, Mary and Bryan had their first child, Hannah*. Hannah just celebrated her eleventh birthday and she has a brother who she loves so much that if you see the videos Mary sends me, you wouldn’t believe they’re brother and sister. 

To Mary, Jake is something to be cherished. 

 Most mothers when hearing their child is disabled will fall into a pit of depression. But, not Mary. Mary, an extraordinary woman with a faith that would shock you, has come to accept Jake for his disability. 

“At first I was sad for the trials he would have to face. I was scared for the future because it wasn’t as foreseeable as Hannah’s. With kindergarten, school, university, job, a husband, creating a family of her own. I knew Jake’s life would be different. People are always scared of the unknown.”  

Mary, after having Jake, soon quit her job. She is now a housewife and couldn’t be happier. Mary’s view on it, after hearing that her job didn’t really fulfil her, threw me as a person off. The world is so busy. But, Mary was forced into being quiet.  

She now writes full-time, and she has published several books in Denmark and she is going to soon be publishing another.  

Jake’s disability, on the other hand is a very complex one. Medical doctors that treat him don’t have an idea what is going on. 

“His brain is normal and the gene test didn’t reveal anything decisive and we are likely never going to know. He is an enigma even for the professionals, the top ones, the best doctors have no clue.” 

Jake’s disability involves the fact that he is not following his age. Jake is 7 years old and is supposed to talk regularly, walk regularly but this is not the case. 

“He has no speech. He wasn’t supposed to walk. Literally. Jake has very little muscle strength! He is vague in his build and when he was a toddler they made a tight fit sculptured base for him to stand upright in. In order to make his hips fall into place. He is mentally disabled you could say I guess. He is always going to be a little guy on the inside.” 

Jake, you could say is a miracle. With his disability, Jake was never supposed to walk. Today, he can walk wherever he wants as the precious little boy he is.

“His physical therapist who had been working with kids for 25 years, she worked with us for the first 6 months when he was about 7 months till he was a little over a year evaluating him. She met us at the hospital about a year ago and saw Jake running around and she came to greet us, telling me she never thought he would walk! His lack of muscular power shouldn’t make it possible but she was so happy for us!”

 By having a child with a disability, Mary has learned her fair share of lessons. She has learned not to just care about the worldly things most people care about.       

“His innocence about the world is fascinating. He knows nothing about war, hate, money, negativity. Jake is Jake. He loves unconditionally. We should all learn from that to be honest. Not caring about titles, skin colour, money, careers.” 

Mary has come to accept the fact that Jake will never be normal. But, that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be loved. 

“Jake showed us there is no recipe for a good life. The perfect life, it can be something else than a job, family, marriage. Jake will have a happy life on his terms. We will see to that. Protecting him, watching him grow, and loving him for who he is! And God knows I love my little boy with all my heart...with all that I am.”   

*Name Changed