Sometimes we have good ideas that could make our lives easier. However, we tend to hold back because we think we need special permission or an invitation. We may want to ask for what we need, get advice, or clarify things, but we still hold back.
To begin, try imagining someone giving you permission or making an offer that helps you move forward. For example:
Your partner might say, "Let's stop doing housework on weekends and hire a cleaner." Your doctor could tell you, "Feel free to write me if you have questions." Your company's website might say, "If you need something, contact us to see how we can help."
Picture this in your mind as clearly and vividly as you can. If it seems reasonable, permit yourself to act. Think about how a confident person would handle the situation.
Sometimes, we set aside ideas because we want to be sure they will work. For example:
"I won’t try a new dish at this restaurant because I might not like it." "I don’t want to change doctors because I’m unsure if the new one will be better." “I hesitate to order cleaning service because I worry it won’t be done well or I’ll feel uncomfortable with someone in my personal space.”
Confidence won’t grow if we always hesitate and fear trying new things. If an option feels better or more useful, give it a try and see what happens.
If you're not ready to act, promise yourself to think about it for 24 hours. After that, start by trying the best idea that comes to mind.
Maybe your ideal self can work out at the gym without help, but your real self needs a trainer. Or maybe you believe you can learn English without a tutor, but right now, you need two hours of private lessons a week.
Think about what support your real self truly needs.
When we don’t know how to handle a situation, we lose confidence and look for a role model.
Imagine you're 20 and want to buy an apartment. You have no idea how, and no friends your age have done it. If you knew someone with experience, their story would give you strength. You would probably ask them many questions.
Once you see how a role model or story can help, you can start looking for the right people or try different approaches.
Pay attention to your first thought. Then remind yourself that your worries may not be true. If the situation hadn’t really happened, what would you have done? What gave you strength or new chances?
Try to block out the obsessive worries that hold you back. Convince yourself those thoughts are not true. The goal is not to judge if your thoughts are right or wrong. Focus on how your feelings and actions change when you try this.