Zaporozhian Cossacks write to the Sultan of Turkey by Ilya Repin

The word hate mail is associated with the Internet, although in reality its syntax is not limited to the network and this incredible story occurred at some point in the year 1676 is precisely about it but at an epic scale. This is known as the first great hate mail in history, and its considered the mother of all the failures of diplomacy.

It involves a group of rebels on one side, and on the other the regent of the Ottoman Empire, Sultan Mehmed IV, at his time the most powerful and feared man in the world.

This incident can be very funny, but more than that it is incredible and for that reason I want first of all for you to know that this really happened, it is history and from it I share with you this piece of art that is above, from the painter Ilya Repin, observe it well as I tell you what happens in it.

First you have to know who were the Zaporozhian Cossacks, they were humble people but also warriors, very brave and fearsome. They had reputation as incredible horse riders and extremely skilled fighting with sabers and despite being similar to the Barbarians of Mongolia, the Cossacks were triple the Partiers. They were, strangely, very well organized and smart. They were like the conception of the good side of pirates that we all have, free people, indomitable and cheerful, lovers of music, parties and good food. Very similar to the Gauls, those warriors the Roman empire took so long to subjugate, and that were immortalized in the comics of Asterix and Obelix by Rene Goscinny and Albert Uderzo.

The Cast of Asterix

Its a pity that nobody has ever paid honors by creating a comic about the Zaporozhian Cossacks, because perhaps they were more disastrous than the pirates and more resilient than the Gauls. They were as fearsome to Russia and Europe as the Mongols to imperial China, and their story is most incredible.

The people of Zaporozhia were conformed of Ukranian and Bielorrussian slaves who wanted to separate themselves from feudal oppression in order to be free. They accepted whoever wanted to join and adopted them as companions, comrades, friends. And over time they became the maximum headache of no less than 3 empires, the Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth, the Russian Empire and finally the most fearsome, the Ottoman Empire.

Flag of the Ottoman Empire

When the Ottoman Empire annexed territories it did so in a way that could be quite brutal, but its great karma is that they suffered several military defeats at the hands of the Zaporozhian Cossacks. The Cossacks had defeated the invading army several times, but it was not until 1676 that the Ottoman Empire suffered a really serious defeat. It is here when Sultan Mehmed IV, absolute regent of the empire, who came with an idea to solve the problem in a diplomatic way. Unfortunately this does not make him a good guy, because his conception of diplomacy was a highly arrogant letter that he decided to send by means of a messenger to the Zaporozhian Cossacks, the letter goes like this:

Sultan Mehmed IV to the Zaporozhian Cossacks:

As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God Himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians - I command you, the Zaporogian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.

--Turkish Sultan Mehmed IV

Sultan Mehmed IV

Needless to say the messenger trembled with terror, because he was not headed to contact a conventional country but a group of warriors. Surely he had delivered the letter not to a leader but to several Zaporozhian captains, accompanied by a huge group of people who had received it with curiosity alongside their leader Ivan Sirko. No wonder, the poor messenger was carrying the banner of the Ottoman people.

When he delivered the letter and it was read by a group of people the suffering messenger might have felt 10 times more horrified when the ultimatum of his great emperor was received with laughter. Maybe he felt relief when he knew they were not going to kill him, he learned a lesson of humility, but they asked him to wait because they were going to write a response to his Excellency. The messenger would know little that that missive would be remembered centuries after it was written, and today a transcript is kept in a museum, that letter also inspired the great picture that shows a big group of Cossacks writing the letter.

Keep in mind that Mehmed IV was a person who had been born considered a god, no one ever raised their voice against him, and grew up accustomed that when people spoke to him they had to do so on their knees, with their forehead on the ground and in absolute servitude.

Weeks later the letter would have been translated for the Sultan and read before him in his own court. The surprise they would get would be an anthology, never before in the history of diplomacy had such a thing happened.

Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!

O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.

Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!

So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!

Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host.

Thanks for reading this far down! I hope you enjoyed the read :-D, Help me improve by leaving a comment with suggestions and if you liked it please upvote, reesteem and follow me for more in the future! Here's a list of my other posts if you feel like checking them out!

• Cryptocurrency Mining: Proof of Capacity (PoC)

• Hearts of Iron IV Germany After Action Report : The German Reich Prepares for War 1936-1937

• Flags of the World #9 : Australia!

• Elementh: E-Commerce Evolved!

Come hang out with us at the Crypto Empire Community!

• Join Kryptonia today and earn 400 Superior Coins!