In the self-development industry, there's a popular truism that our greatest leaps in personal growth also tend to come out of our greatest trials and hardships in life.
I've even heard people say things like "If I'm not scared senseless, I'm not growing!"
That one is a bit more radical than the old standby "Feel the fear, and do it anyway!" popularized by motivational author Susan Jeffers in the 1990s.
Do We HAVE to Learn From FEAR?
Golden leaf
I have typically been skeptical of the assertion that we only learn during times of struggle and hardship. As a rule, during times of hardship, I have been far too preoccupied with simply trying to not end up in a box under an overpass to learn much of anything.
Seems to me that perhaps different people respond differently under stress.
Some of my own greatest leaps in personal growth have actually been when I was very much at peace and free from worry. Of course, I'm not suggesting that adversity can't be a great teacher, just suggesting that it doesn't have to be the only teacher.
Similarly, I have experienced some quantum leaps in personal growth that were far more delightful than they were frightening. Some would have me believe that's either not possible... or not real.
Self-Development is a Strange Field
To me, that fits in the same category of "strange little conundrums" as the notion that someone can only reach self-actualization or so-called "enlightenment" as a consequence of extensive suffering.
French Lavender in bloom
If you haven't spent years and even decades suffering... your enlightenment isn't real.
There was always something slightly creepy about that-- almost like there was a little "suffering club" you were required to be a member of, in order to gain wisdom.
I spent the better part of a couple of decades being somewhat of a "spiritual workshop nerd." I studied extensively and sat at the feet of a number of so-called gurus, and one of the odd patterns I noticed among my fellow "seekers" was that "who's suffered more" seemed to be almost a competitive sport... and the more you'd suffered, the more authentic your self-realization.
Slightly odd, if you stop and think about it: That would make it one of the rare fields where "failing the class" multiple times actually makes you a "better" student than someone who "gets it" halfway through the first lesson.
Now you might be wondering why I'd spend a couple of decades on this stuff... and all I can say to that is that I kept thinking I had to be missing something... but actually? I wasn't.
Let's Get Back to the Question...
So why is it that so many seem absorbed-- and even invested-- in the concept that true personal growth is "scary?"
Close-up of a tiny daisy
Well, ultimately when you make a quantum leap of growth and have some major epiphany, it means you let go of closely held beliefs and ideas... and perhaps that can be frightening to someone who finds great comfort in emotional and spiritual stability.
I grok that.
Personally? I am more afraid of muggers with sharp knives in a dark alley... which, oddly, seem less scary to many people who insist they'd just "pound the hell out of someone like that!"
Wow. Good for you. I'd probably lose my dinner. Give me a spiritual realization that turns my belief system inside out, any day.
And so, we end up back at my earlier assertion that different people respond to different kinds of stress in different ways.
How about YOU? Have you ever made any quantum leaps in personal understanding? Were they "scary" experiences? Did they change the way you look at life? Did they shake your core beliefs about your existence? Do you believe personal is fundamentally scary or upsetting? Furthermore, do you believe self-realization or "enlightenment" has to be the result of extensive suffering? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!
created by @zord189(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Created at 180113 23:54 PST
Excellent observations here. I had a friend who attended a Unitarian church for awhile, and the competition there was who could be the least religious. That became a new religion in and of itself.
More than one of the greats in the realm of the arts have also said/implied that the greatest works are not always done in times of poverty, starvation, and want, but often in times of plenty, when the mind is free to roam, and at leisure to explore. One of the greats in literature who implied this was George Orwell. Another, if I am not mistaken, was W. Somerset Maugham.
Cheers for the great piece. Resteemed.
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Thanks Graham, appreciate the good words and the support.
It's funny how we humans tend to "self-organize" into clusters... and then these clusters almost immediately start having a clubby/cultish feeling to them. I can relate to the Unitarian example... I've seen the same thing locally.
This post was originally prompted by a Facebook discussion in which this very bright and insightful kid of 20-something was being taken to task over his insights because-- in the eyes of some older group members-- he "hadn't suffered enough." And it struck me that we were having a "suffering contest" that actually had little to do with self-realization, and a lot to do with having a pissing match. And I thought about how widely this can be applied... from spirituality to art (the "angst ridden artist" is the most authentic-- but WHY?).
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Not in the slightest.
The only thing suffering has to offer(in my opinion), is what the old adage says...'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'.
This is true, unfortunately. It doesn't make you 'more at one with yourself , man'
I'd prefer the weakness without any of the suffering, personally !
'Enlightenment' (even if that is even a thing, to be honest) is best achieved through happiness, imho.
Much better just to get on with life, and stop navel gazing...
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Too much navel gazing can definitely be more of a hindrance than a help... discovered that first-hand. On the other hand, I did get exposed to a lot of very interesting and diverse perspectives on the "journey."
There's a lot of stuff I think is pretty silly (like "vows of poverty," for example), but I also recognize that some people require a lot of "structure" in their lives; rules to follow. On the whole, I'd just as well do without the suffering.
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I don’t believe these great learning lessons come exclusively from suffering. I’ve learned lessons from love. I practice meditation daily but strangely I learned a lot about peace from my cat! Lol
Great post as usual!
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Love... an excellent example! Lots of learning there, but mostly from joy and exhilaration... and yet few would claim that a person isn't deeply changed as a result of authentic love, regardless of whether it's romantic love or the love of a parent for their child.
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Agreed!
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My scary experience was only with fake self development. I even don't know how to explain it, but as a result I had a lesson "What I MUSTN'T do to reach self-development". While all productive things passed without fear and had no influence on my inner world. Oh, it's really hard to explain, probably I should try to write a long post about it:)
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Fake self-development... there's a whole different kettle of fish. The irony is that there's a who "anti" movement out there, too, complete with workshops and CD "learning sets."
I hope you do decide to write about that experience sometimes; it would make an interesting counter point, and perhaps be a warning to some people, too.
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I think that "best learning is learning from hardships" attitude comes from the need to tell ourselves "OK, it's not so bad that I'm having a hard time now, because of... something".
I also think that self-acceptance is much more important than the self-development. The self-development will come naturally once we accept ourselves.
Cheers! : )
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Yes, a lot of our woes do tend to come from our tendency to "attribute externally" things that are actually about our own inner processes. And hence, working on self-acceptance is super important... after all, if you don't like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to like you?
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It differs from person to person, some people learn during their struggle life and some people learn during their normal life. In my 2 cent opinion mostly people get panic during trouble, and they commit more mistake than in normal routine. There is a famous proverb no pain no gain self development is perfect example of this proverb. you have to pay some thing for the development. child come in this world without knowing the art except weeping. he break his shyness and start learning how to listen how to talk, when he grow older he try to start walking but can't do it without crawling so the life moves on. Struggle will remain there from one stage to an other. for Self development pain often comes, but it all depends how you take this pain/effort. Enlightenment comes after suffering in most cases.
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Personally, I tend to be all over the place when I am in a prolonged painful and stressful situation-- or perhaps "panic," as you describe it. At such times, I am usually too busy freaking out and making mistakes and bad decisions to be concerned with "learning experiences." I just take whatever steps I can to get OUT of my predicament.
After the fact, we probably learn from all kinds of situations, but I know I am more open to the learning when I am feeling calm and balanced.
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yes people do a lot of mistake when become panic. life always teach you all the time. Enjoyable phase of learning is by feeling calm.
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how do people react to stress?
Hawaii's reaction to the civil defense warning might be an indication.
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Ah yes... that was certainly an object lesson in the reality that just because information came from an "official source" doesn't mean it's infallible.
If that came to my phone, I'd be ALL OVER checking secondary and tertiary sources before running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
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Great topic and well communicated. Now obviously there is no right and wrong ways to enlightenment. I don't know if you have to try and experience suffering for self realization. I think the more aware we become of human suffering the easier it is to become detached from the physical world which may assist in enlightenment. That's just my two cents on the topic. I am no spiritual guru :)
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I'm no spiritual guru either... but I have "rattled the cages" of a few of them by "daring" to question some of their closely held beliefs. My intuition tells me that suffering is just one of many ways to experience personal development and move towards self-realization.
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Totally agree. I don't think it's the only way. I think if a spiritual guru is too attached to his/her own views then s/he is in desperate need of self reflection. Good on you for challenging them :)
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Yeah, and in spite of their "altruistic intent" they are also attached to selling their $199 CD learning set; not that I begrudge them that (we all have to EAT, after all), as long as they are honest about what they are offering and providing. Which is often where things get a little sketchy.
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Heheheee - "Users who bought $199 CD learning set also bought a ticket to book their place in heaven for only $19.99"
:D
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Great topic. My personal journey has always had growth from positivity, love, curiosity, and commitment. The path is sometimes difficult and painful but during the process my mindset is positive and looking forward. I think the suffering and pain is there to remind us we were born for more and I believe it is virtue, kindness, empathy, and the willingness of others to share that pushes us forward. Thanks for sharing!
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Nice to hear that, @migliorino21. I personally think there is just as much to learn in positive experiences-- if not more-- than in negative ones. And you always get a long way with kindness and love.
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Life with experience is the best.we learn from our experience
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Experience is definitely one of the best teachers.
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fear... it's a thing..it will be helped you to grow...if you think deeply
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Have learnt few things from your post and I will work on it.. am glad I got to stumble on this post otherwise I wouldn't have learned anything this morning from your post
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nice post
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Hi, I would like to point out that to my understanding people that are into personal growth, they often take ancient literature that largely glorifies suffering like the only way to achieve personal growth. Now while it is true that thru extreme suffering people can experience the dissolving of one's ego and consequently live thru quantum leap that you mention. But I think that is only the most extreme way of achieving it. Furthermore, the collective human consciousness- what some call the morphogenetic field of the human species is continually changing and raising its vibration, so what was truth 1000 years ago, is not a reality today, although the underlying principles are the same.
(check this crossword puzzle phenomenon on collective consciousness https://earlybirdstreehouse.wordpress.com/2014/12/01/the-crossword-puzzle-phenomenon-by-monica-england/ )
There are so many examples of people that experience enlightenment while meditating or just walking or during any other random and not extreme event. Also, I am sure that the shift in consciousness is much more widely spread phenomenon now than 50, or 200 years ago. Today's generations of indigo and crystal children are a nice example of the overall change that humans and planet are going thru.
Thanks for your nice post.
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I agree with you entirely that fear needn't be the only teacher that leads to growth.
Maybe a more appropriate word for that growth-inducing state is being "uncomfortable". I think uncomfortable is more manageable, and a little easier to retreat from when you need a moment to breathe. Fear sounds more severe and primal in a way.
Also, I think we have quiet epiphanies about reality that aren't scary at all. For instance, a stranger and I got into a conversation at a coffee shop the other day and the topic of "being certain" came up. She expressed wanting to have guarantees in her future. I pointed out that while we want certainty, if we knew everything that would happen, life wouldn't be very fun. Simply being told this made her more comfortable with ambiguity and uncertainty. No fear required!
I think it's wise of you to point out that over-emphasizing fear might not be wise in terms of self-development.
Great post :)
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Great article!
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Thanks for giving the chance to enjoy this beautiful news!!
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Nice
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Nice post beautiful presented and explained. detail oriented with nice picture. thank you for sharing
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that's a lot of questions!
very nice pics btw I like that of the butterfly lavender the most!
I've made plenty of breakthroughs if you don't mind me calling it. I got a feeling we read the same books haha. They were scary at first but later on it becomes some sort of a life style but then that's cause I changed something in me and stopped feeding the part of my brain that trigger's fear. It's nothing special, I just stopped watching horror nor reading it as well as any violent films or programmings that make my heart beat fast. I've changed more inside I'd rather not discuss that but you probably know ;)
Yes, it gave me a whole different point of view. I used to be a worrier but these days, something difficult or stressful comes out I either asked first about what can I do to solve it or asked someone's opinion cause others may be seeing something in the "what seem to be a tough situation" that am not.
Yes, It changed my core beliefs a whole lot back when I was still a teen but I don't think I have to go through a certain suffering though I did back then but I was young and ignoramus and that's part of learning. I guess as we get older we tend to be more tolerant, open minded and things become easy to accept than to resist from but that's my opinion
lol on your "suffering club" I used to belong there till I changed something in me that was actually causing it which you probably know what that is ;)
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Personal growth doesn't have to come at the price of pain and fear. Some lessons can be learned without them. But other lessons wait around until there are no carrots left for encouragement.
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Just inside someone he or she or me know how the feeling, where is it from, how it looks like and hide or face with it!..anyhow, time still runs, so yes or no.. We still have to move! No pain no gain!
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