A very goodevening to all beautiful Steemians reading this right now. Yes it is yet another beautiful Saturday evening and guess what time it is? Yeah! It is time for your favourite relationship show on the block chain, "Saturday night with Zizy" Episode 17. Wow, we have come so far and going strong. As always, today promises to be very interesting. Fasten your seatbelt for it is going to be a joyride.
Last week on the show we talked about asking your partner for money in a relationship. It was divinely satisfying the amazing inputs I got from both those who commented on the block chain and those who joined me on airhawk discord server for the live radio show. A very big thank you to @esttyb, @burlarj, @one-person, @eurogee, @blessedman939, @dubem-eu, @bookons, @sola3097, @julietisrael, @alisonudeme, @rebeccafl, @korexe, @jeaniepearl, @shemzy, @mizdais, @darrenblinks @igweyakubu. You all are awesome. I also want to use this opportunity to wish a very happy birthday to someone who has been pivotal to the success of this show from it's maiden edition in the person of @surfyogi. You are a man with a golden heart. May this new age of yours bring more blessings and a fulfilled life.
Without much Ado, let us jump into the crux of the matter.
DJ play the music in jenifa's voice....Lol
RELATIONSHIP TALK WITH ZIZY
Every relationship is made up of two imperfect individuals trying to attain so level of perfection. Mistakes are inevitable in relationships. It is simply one of the attributes of a human. When issues arises in a relationship , knowing how to say these three letter words, "I am sorry", determines if things will be repaired and all will be well or perhaps, the relationship might just come crashing to an end. The willingness and ability of both partners in a relationship to realise their mistakes and take responsibility for it by apologizing is what differentiates a healthy relationship from an unhealthy relationship.
With how simple these words sound, some people find it very difficult to apologize in a relationship. Showing a lack of concern when there is a problem in a relationship creates a gap that is filled with resentment and anger. Having a partner who never says sorry conveys a message that says, " I really don't care about you and your emotions". In a healthy relationship, both partners should be able to put ego aside and wear each other's shows to understand how much they are hurting and be compassionate enough to apologize for their partner's pain not play the "I blame you", game.
WHY DO PEOPLE FIND IT HARD TO APOLOGIZE?
Everyone understands the impact a simple genuine sorry can have in a relationship but some are blinded with the factor of who is right or wrong and wouldn't want to resolve whatever conflict is on ground because they believe they are not guilty. To them, they see apologizing as a form of admittance to actually being wrong and they have too much who and pride to let that happen. To some, apologizing means their partner will not realise their own wrong doings or behaviour after all they both had a part to play in it. In some relationships, it is a game of I am not apologizing until he or she apologizes first and this takes a toll on the relationship. Some especially men see saying I am sorry as a sign or weakness but what they do not understand is that apologizing is actually a Hallmark of strength. You know you may be ridiculed or humiliated but your relationship is worth more than your ego and so you set your ego aside and do the needful. sometimes,a partner believes whatever offence they may have committed us so grievous and would never be forgiven and so they do not make an effort to apologize. This is disastrous because the helplessness it breeds stops the offending party from taking the actions required to heal and mend the brokenness.
Apologies is no sign of weak character. Whatever the motive, apologizing is an acknowledgement of a wrong doing and giving your partner the power to forgive. The exchange of shame and power is at the heart of a healing process. It doesn't necessarily mean you apologize only when you are in the wrong. Even when you are not the one at fault, understand that apologizing helps you make the conflict between both of you to be resolved. It opens up the door for communication which allows you to reconnect with your partner. Taking responsibility even when you are not guilty simply means specifying what you did that you believe was wrong but also mentioning what you believe was not wrong on your part. When you apologize, it makes your partner feel better and develop an empathy towards you that leads to forgiveness.
We need to know that we always have a choice to change a situation by changing and improving the way we express our love in action. Next week, we shall look at the best ways to genuinely apologize and get a result.
DATING TIPS:
Put away your phones. One of the biggest relationship tips is to give your undivided attention when your partner is speaking. Pressing your phone or chatting whist your partner is talking to you simply tells them that what you are doing at that moment is more important than them.
FUN CORNER (JUST FOR LAUGHS)
If forcing your girlfriend for sex is rape then forcing your boyfriend for money is armed robbery. True or false? If you know, you know.
DATING TIPS
ANONYMOUS 1
Pease I am in a deep mess. Until few weeks ago I was dating a young man who I was forced to break up with because of his excesses. After breakup, we had an issue that warranted me to abuse him unknown to me that he has a video recording of us while having sex and me while sleeping naked. This video he showed to my girlfriend as a threat and a warning that if I go about town abusing him, he would be forced to release the video. I am shocked to know that he has a video recording of me. Whenever we are having sex, he uses his phone's light to shine unknown to me that he was recording. I am so scared. What if he actually carried out his threat? Please help.
ANONYMOUS 2
Pixabay
Dear Zizy, I dated a girl back then in school. She is two years older than I am but age wasn't an issue as we were madly in love with each other. However, after graduation, I noticed a change in behaviour. She no longer calls or chats with me but she is always online chatting till midnight with Lord knows who. I send her recharge cards whenever she uses that as an excuse not to call me but still she wouldn't call. Recently she started uploading a picture of a guy who she claimed is just a friend whereas she has never uploaded my picture except once when it was a truth or dare game. Last week we met up and spent two days together. She told me about the pressure from home for her to get married in two years time and she knows I won't be ready in two years. She claims she loves me and doesn't know how to love another person but she wants us to double date to keep up with the demand. I don't know what to believe if my suspicion of her no longer being interested is valid or I am just being paranoid. Please help.
CONCLUSION
If you love this show and want to support, your SBDs and Steem are very welcomed. Supporters so far are @eurogee, @amec and @samminator@sammest and @smyle. Thanks a lot guys.
I hate to leave you but leave you I must.
Until next time when I come your way again, same time, same blog, more hosts, I remain
Yours truly
@zizymena.
first to comment, first to answer all segments and first to answer impressively wins some sbd
Anonymous two -- she already told you indirectly that you should move on, she doesn't want to break your heart, girls doesn't like sharing who they love. The fact she said double date, forget about her, she already have someone else making her happy, so I will advice you to make it easier for her and yourself and move on....
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Thank you so much @burlarj. Wonderful piece of advise here
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This is a nice show @zizymena, this is like the second time im visiting your show but now that im done with my final exams i'll be visiting it more often.
i am sorry really goes a very long way in a relationship, thanks for the reminder.
As for anonymous 1, i really pity her because for the guy to video her in the first place without her consent shows he has no regard what so ever for her and i'd advice she find a way to delete all the videos from the guys phone and hope he hasn't already sent it to people or stored it somewhere else.
As for anonymous 2, she doesn't love you anymore, so save your self further heartbreak by walking out of the relationship
Will be expecting next week's show @zizymena
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@kwinesther it is truly a pleasure to havd you on my blog. I am happy you will have more time to come around. Thanks for taking time out to doll out wonderful pieces of advice.
However, dont you think it is near impossible for her to get a hold of thst phone to delete thode videos?
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Its not impossible but it's very hard.
All she needs is strategy and the job is done but she should also pray he doesn't have other copies hidden somewhere else.....now that's where the real problem is.
I just wish her all the best, @ least now she has learnt her lesson and would be more careful in future.
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Wow another beautiful episode here.
The 3 words i am sorry can actually make or mar relationships.
Ano1, bae how could you be careless. This is a bih shit right now...
Do you think reporting to the police will make any difference?
This guy is a shit, if not taken care of... Can come back to mar the future.
If you arent sure of a guy, dont just sex him already na.
Just be more careful next time
Ano 2 - humm, me i feel like the girl is playing games oo. God go help us oo
And tgat fun corner. Hahaha, which one be robbery na zizy
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@rebeccafl how do you advise she takes care of the guy to protect herself now since he has the video?
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Nice Post Zizy! Our ego don't let us stoop so low and apologize. We feel apologising makes us look weaker or the feeling that i can't do without you. So, we just decid to wait for the other party to apologise first.
Believe me, there are some partners that can never say sorry to the other person even when they are the one at fault and it's bad. The other partner keeps saying sorry like his/her life depends on the other.
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You are right @vintageverve, if you have a partner that never says sorry, it makes you feel like your emotions dont matter and believe it or not that relationship never ends well. Such a partner should be talked to and if wont change then it should be seen as a serious red flag.
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anonymous 1...your case na gbege o... just be humble, the guy Don get your pin code, try to avoid him as much as possible , cos the fact that he recorded your sex tape means he is not new in the business. I pity you sha for getting involve with such an unfortunate person.. Oloriburuku ni bobo yen sha
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I strongly disagree. Let her get the guy arrested and everything will settle. I had had to deal with similar case in the past.
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You are so right @eurogee, that was also my recommendation, it should be reported to the police station. @vheobong suggested getting a lawyer and this i also agree with her.
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Hello @zizymena, i love your post so much...keep it up
I hope to come around more
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I hope to see you more
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Good evening Zizy! Another awesome show tonight. Thanks for the little token.
Love the topic of discussion for today's episode. I ran out of words to type when I saw Anonymous 1 question.
🌠 Anonymous 1
This is heartbreaking. At least to me, but come to think of it, who makes love to a lady with a phone's torchlight over her face? And you couldn't decode it then?
I don't know how you got into this mess dear ,but here's my advice for you, stay far from him. If you're in a relationship, please try and ensure you tell your partner about this to avoid future issues.
Or
This is quite risky though...
If you feel he'll release it, then try and get back with him, drug him and make videos of him too or find away and get hold of the videos and destroy them. Just pray he's not smart enough to make other copies.
🌠 Anonymous 2
singing... "It's written in the stars" ***
Hey Hun, I know it's not so easy to let go of a long time relationship but when you see that things are not clicking or working out, don't sweat it. She has some guts though after all these years she looks you in the face and suggested you both double date???
It's clearly written she is not interested and wishes to settle down sef.
So yes, your suspicion of her no longer being interested is valid.
So talk to her and let her open to you instead of toying with you. If she wants to move on, she should be bold to say it. She wants Marriage, she can't wait, you won't be ready in 2 years time. So why deceive each other, that double dating might help or work out.
....@mizdais signing out....
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@mizdais my favourite fan😗. Its always a pleasure having you here witg your beautiful comments darling.
Drug him you say and make a video of him too? Two wrong dont make a right and not everytime you catch a criminal by acting like a criminal, sometimes it backfires besides the guy is on very high alert now and if she tries coming close then he will be suspicious. I believe there are better ways of dealing with this. Dont you think so
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Yes you're right. 2 wrongs can't make a right. The only way I see is to stay away from him and like @eurogee said stop abusing him.
Getting him arrested would have been a better option but she will need evidence which would be hard to fetch.
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Hello @zizymena
I had a great moment reading all you have to say about partners saying sorry when there is an issue, and i agreed with every bit of your arguement. Certainly very enriching and I believe Lotta people gonna benefit from the content of this post.
*My responses to the anonymous
Stop abusing him so that he doesn't release the video to the public. That's on one hand. On the other hand, what he did was a huge offense and I guess it's because you are ignorant of your rights under the law that you are shivering at his threats. I will advise you to swoop on him when you are sure he is with the phone with which he recorded the video and get him arrested. I bet he gonna beg you and will sweat to get himself free.
Guy die it! Forget this lady or get ready to cry like a baby.
Regards and best of luck @zizymena.
@eurogee of @euronation and @steemstem communities
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Hahahahaha @eurogee. I sometimes love your responses to the anonymous questions. And this time I totally agree with you especially your response to Anonymous 1.
Anonymous 2
That was freaking harsh... Cry like a baby 😂😂😂.
#HardTruthThough.
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Thanks @mizdais. It's no harsh. I tell people the bitter truth as it should be cuz most of them are fiddle hearted. Don't want it to get to the extent that someone will start holding his heart or placing a block of ice on his chest to cool the temper😂😂
@eurogee
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😂😂😂
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Oh my goodness, once again you are very blunt and direct. I will love an uncle or counsellor like you. You will talk sense back into my brain. Thank you so much @eurogee. I love having you around
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Ghen ghen....
You see that apology being a sign of weakness has put me in plenty wahala and I've learned to apologise immediately you're being cautioned instead of trying to prove right or prove strong....
@anon1 if he has mind he should show you the video shameless human being. If to say I get money now,we for carry the matter go court.
Wait fess there's never light when you people are doing,that's why it's good to do in darkness lol....
My dear stay away from him,cut every contact you have with him and talk to a female lawyer about it, they has to be a way to retrieve and destroy the content.
But nonetheless don't panic,
@anon2: if your girlfriend no dey do you well, away!!!!
Time for tuby bye bye.....
She has said her mind, she loves you and hass to leave because of family pressure but wants to find love and be happy before she does
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@vheobong infact it was the wahala the apology put me in that gave me the inspiration to write about it, hahahaha.
As always great advise. Some people like doing it in darkness but having to use the phone's torchlight instead of normal torchlight should have been suspicious enough for her.
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I really appreciate your post more especially where you said that two imperfect persons that comes together in relationship there bound to be mistakes but the only soothing balm that can heal the wound at point is the five letter words i am "sorry"
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You are right @joseph60, thanks for coming around
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Lovely show!
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Thanks @dawizy
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Another interesting show today... It's been raining here all week, crippled a lot of activities.
Sorry is a word that has the ability to solve a lot of misunderstandings. Although, it takes maturity to day sorry sometimes. But if we truly are committed to the relationship and value our partner so much, then this world would be used more often. It shows that we want to make the relationship work.
Although, we tend to abuse the three letter word sometimes. We do the wrong things and say sorry just for the fun of it. This is not healthy for any relationship.
A lot of people have become more attached to their phones (including myself.... Lol) than they are to their environment and those around them. In order to build a healthy relationship, we need to spend quality time with our partners and do away with the phones when we are around them. Using our phones sends the wrong message while with our partners creates a feeling of not been valued enough.
ANONYMOUS 1
This is a complex issue. I'll suggest you play along time your able to get him to soft pedal. Or better still, find his weakness and exploit them. Probably find something that his hiding from the world and use as a bargaining chip
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Hi @korexe you know i love seeing you here. Sayimg sorry like you rightly said simply means i value our relationship more than my ego. The phone issue eh, i am so guilty. I am still trying to learn to stop doing that. I get lost in my phone and become oblivious of my surrounding. Its no longer healthy
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Anonymous 1: he already have a condition, all you do is go with it. But to your dears ones tell them before hand so it wouldn't be a serious threat someday, where it demand for money or sex
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Thank you @igweyakubu for coming around. Much love dear
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Always the same nice article, about apologize, I need an accolade.
The advice
Anonymous 1: I see his condition fair which I believe he just wants to avoid being insulted by you. The best thing is to do the bidding. And please, let some important people into it who you believe can talk to him out of it.
2.just move on, she may still love you or see you as too good to hurt by bluntly telling you she have a guy already. I sense you truly love her but you will be at the loosing side double dating . Who knows if she may have planned her wedding few months from now and just want to ride you for few days. Act like you know she already have a guy and wish her a good life
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Beautiful @shemzy.
So you believe it is fair he is blackmailing her with an illegal sex recording of her?
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im at steemmaira nigeria. hello
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Am here again, well-done mama 🙌 @zizymena ... For anonymous 1 : The best advice I can give you is to stop abusing that guy to save yourself from being put to shame through releasing that video but come to think of it, he might still threaten you with that later even with you or without abusing him, why not call him for a meet up so that you two can settle or probably beg him to delete the video because abuse or no abuse as long as the video is with him Uhmmmm it will continue to remain a threat.
For anonymous 2 : Bros run for your life before it's too late, it's obvious that girl is no longer in love with you
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Thank you sola3097 for coming to the show.
For anonymous 1 i believe trying to make peace with such a person wont work. He is blackmailing her and if she plays into his hands making him understand that she is at his mercy then she may as well give up because it is a lost battle. This matter should be handled very seriously
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Yes ooooooo, you are right
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Jeanie was here
thanks for this dear, i know better now
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Thanks jeanie for being here
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This post has been upvoted from the @stach community curation account for participating in curation night, on Saturday, 21st July 2018. Join us on Discord (https://discord.gg/yGTf2fE) to know more.
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Hello @zizymena, very interesting post, I really needed to read something like that 💕
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