After I sent the text message my thumb was hovering back over the keyboard. I had typed in, ‘If paying for sex is how I have to get you to love me…then so be it,’ but I hadn’t sent it yet.
Last week was the first time I had seen Victoria in over two years.
She didn’t hesitate to ‘accidentally’ drop an empty bag from her purse, no doubt tempting me, perhaps screaming for help from within.
“I’m working again.”
There was that tingling sensation, the one that speaks to me and tells me when to pay attention.
Lately it hadn’t really been sending any signals in relation to sex though. A lot of spirit messages, that’s for sure. Had me thinking that maybe it was true. Maybe Victoria and I were connected at the heart chakra too.
She looked pretty good. I mean, she’s all front-page-of-her-own-magazine as usual. But, ya’ know, when she’s getting high there’s always that aura of sexual deviance dancing about her body.
She wore sunglasses the whole time.
“The only thing that really sucks is that I started losing weight again.”
Yeah, whatever. I didn’t need to hear any comments about her body or any of her hall-of-fame sexual hallmarks.
No.
I knew the body. I knew every single part of it.
Now, post-solicitation message, I was starting to see how God was working the next sexual adventure into our lives.
Her, all sexed out and sexed up, down for whatever and over sensualized, a freak by nature, she had never really experienced the totality just yet, the fullness of freeing ecstasy.
She’d gotten close plenty of times. And she’d been with me, so she had to be aware of the potential, the potential of limit-breaking sexual integration, above, beyond and forever-lasting.
Were we really ready for this?
Two years since I’d seen Victoria and two years since I’d had sex. Something was definitely building up inside of me. Something that had to be released.
Why not her? Why not an exchange? Sex for money.
Wasn’t it way more than that? Wasn’t this the destiny of two souls? Who cares if I paid for it.
The poor girl had no clue who she was actually dealing with. The money was nothing in comparison to what she was going to be receiving from me.
She ignored my proposal for a week.
I had sent a few other text messages since then about some other, random stuff, and she had quickly responded to each and every one of them, totally disregarding the elephant penis in the room.
Then, one iceberg message, floating in the eternal nothingness.
“I’m near your house.”
The fact that she beats around the bush so obviously, and the fact that she knows that I know how she beats around the bush, has me absolutely clueless as to what the fuck must be going on inside that head of hers.
Near my house.
So, yes? We’re fucking today? I mean, should I hit the ATM? Or?
I heard the car door slam from my seat near the window. My roommate had just left the house too, and I watched him eyeing her up as she removed herself from the vehicle.
I had to laugh at the look on his face.
She was such a freakin’ page turner, such a freakin’ thought-arouser.
In a world where thought creates reality, I just love that. I mean, what reality was I living in, let alone the one she was.
“People look at you because they can’t stand their own boring lives.”
That’s what I had told her one time, when she was dressed for a spectacular event that hadn’t been thought of yet. We were on our way to the grocery store.
My phone buzzed and my stomach dropped instantly.
“I’m here.”
I had Victoria.
Finally.
To be honest, I was scared for her. This experience would undoubtedly seal the deal on every open door inside the girl’s mind that kept her from knowing that we were meant to be together.
The fact that I was paying just meant that I could sit with her prior to the engagement. I could literally tell her how it was going to be, how it was going to go down.
It was my conscious and present sexual nature versus her subconscious sexual masterfulness. It was one world falling and crashing into another. It’d take years for the storm to subside. We were going to shake things up, the whole damn show.
I was going to offer Victoria my subconscious sexuality, that which drove me. And she was going to remain consciously present during the entire thing.
With gentle aggression, I was going to make sure of that, finally taking what’s been offered to me by the great skies above.
Taking her because…I am her. Loving her because...I love me.
My method was, simply, the paradox; her letting go and letting someone else take control being the only way to true power.
Same with me. Same with God.
With this weapon, I was going to forge together truth, love and sex, in order for us to be together. This was me metaphorically swooping in on the white horse, sword poised to strike away at her vicious captors.
She was a submissive because she was always in control that way, plain and simple. She was calling the shots in the bedroom like a Russian spy all along, like a psy-op.
Go ahead and think you are the dominator with Victoria. Little do you know, she’s smashing your tiny head in between her fingers.
When the door opened to my room and she entered I could instantly feel all of her nervous energy and emotion. She wasn’t horny. She was nervous. I knew now why she had waited so long to respond to my message. I could ascertain that today’s little outreach was probably not too well thought out, just how she likes it.
She couldn’t look me in the eyes.
But…she would be. She would be real soon.
‘You’re mine Victoria.’
Today she was going to know that.
I stood up and moved the chair. Us being telepathic in nature, words were only going to confuse us.
She sat down.
“Do you need anything to make you comfortable? There’s no one here. No one will be here for the next five hours. The door locks and the lock works. I have plenty of different kinds of liquids, and I have snacks, though I know you’re not going to eat.”
I sat down on the bed, “Oh, and you can smoke in here.” I handed her a cigarette and nodded my head towards the lighter.
I caught a quick glimpse of realization as her arm paused in an awkward position with the cigarette dangling from her fingertips. She was starting to understand what was going to happen here today.
“Do you want a pair of sweatpants?”
Of course she was all dressed up in some incredibly and perfectly overdone outfit that only she could pull off.
I read her mind and I stood up, retrieving the cash from my pocket and placing it onto the desk, near her but not directly in front of her, the money meaning nothing, her taking a moment to shake off the sadness that came with the fact that she needed it.
‘I don’t care about any of your external circumstances, Victoria. My only observation of you is through the soul. No way else. No way in. No way out.’
The song on my Bluetooth changed at that moment. A universe whisper.
Any sort of waiting or talking was just going to create unnecessary obstacles for us today. We were sexual beings in nature. And I had never judged her for any of her sexual promiscuity.
I had never judged her for having as much sex as a girl ought to have.
In fact, I had always told her that, if I was a girl, I would have lived the same exact way as her. And that any man who says otherwise is just jealous.
Today, she was going to experience the living embodiment of all of my truths. My truth that I loved her regardless. My truth that I was just as sexual as she was. My truth that life is so much more than what we think. My truth that we were fulfilling God’s destiny.
It was my fault that I hadn’t been able to show her this side of me just yet. It was just…I couldn’t unleash the full sexual creature within me in just any situation. It was too much. For me, and for the partner.
Mostly, though, it was too much for me.
When I wasn’t in control, when I was with a girl who I knew deep down wasn’t strong enough to receive the likes of me, well then it just never felt right.
Sometimes, I’d get close, especially when certain chemicals were at play. But, for the most part, the quiet ticking was coming to the end of it’s inward spiral.
The fire was tickling at the surface of the explosive.
Victoria was my detonator. Victoria was my rope. Together, we’d climb the heights of the cosmic universe, only hoping that one day we’d never come back the same.
It was time for some clothes to come off.
I stood up and moved behind her. The first time that I touched her I wanted to send the appropriate message. I reached my hands around her neck and took ahold of her face, around the jaw bones, grasping tightly and pulling her head back until she was looking up at me.
I bent down and I laid into her with a sensual, longing kiss. I needed her to know that her vulnerability, with me, was the safest place for her to be, always and always and forever.
Message sent.
“Did you bring any toys or lube.”
Again, she hesitated just for the slightest of moments. She could only assume that I was reading her mind completely at this point.
“I want to put everything that we need onto or near the bed. So, if you brought cigarettes, or drugs, or whatever else you think we might need, get everything ready okay? You can put everything on the little table there with the lamp.”
It was cold when I slipped my hand underneath her shirt and let it slide along the curve of her breast, cupping and squeezing, a more obvious message.
“You probably brought your anal beads.”
A sort of a joke, to lighten the mood, this being her recently declared ‘new thing’ in the bedroom.
I had no issue understanding how desire and sexual exploration worked. The deeper you went, the longer you longed for something more, for something new and exciting, the more likely you were to end up finding yourself in precarious situations and previously unheard of fetishes.
That was all fine and good. But today, Victoria was going to be brought back full circle to the basics.
I was full on planning to worship her entire body, and we didn’t necessarily need much more than oral sex and vaginal intercourse.
But, open-minded as I was, of course, you never knew what was going to happen.
When she stood up I made sure to at least look into her eyes one last time as normal humans on Earth.
‘Are we good?’
On the agreement part?
She just started unbuttoning her jeans.
Now I was nervous.
God, was this whole fucking thing just a forever power struggle? Played out in the cosmos, reincarnated again and again to lose and find each other, the two departed souls as one, vying for control, clawing and scratching for more and more and more?
I loved her so fucking much.
The body, the sexual attitude, the talent, the pretty face and hair, all bonuses.
The clothing was always appropriate, considering we were probably aliens clothed in human bodies, unaware of our true potential as of just yet, unaware that we were thousands and thousand of miles away from our home.
I had been working out so I popped my shirt off without hesitation, confidence being so fucking key. It didn’t really matter if I looked good or not with my shirt off, though I did. It only really mattered how I moved with my shirt off.
Girls…they notice everything.
Now we had some eye contact. But it was still not even close to the depth that I was shooting for.
When she went for the panties, I offered, “I’ll take those off for you.”
She smiled and sat down on the bed, legs flinging around all loose and accepting.
Built for this.
I got down on my knees and my breathing had to be affecting the weather outside. There’s no way that it was the other way around. All I know is the heat and the smell and the chemical exchange within that tiny space between my face and her thighs was definitely a brand, new world.
God is good. Intoxicating.
They slipped off like way too easy. I was hoping for the slow reveal, God’s sort of thing, always hiding electrons and particles and atoms all right under our nose to discover and wonder about.
Her shape-shifting vagina was in flower-mode today, as I liked to call it. Not to be weird or anything but sometimes it looked like the vagina of a 15 year-old girl. And, do I have to mention that the only reason I know what that looks like is because I had sex with a 15 year-old girl when I was 17? I hope not.
Anyway, yeah, her vagina was perfection. It was all tucked in and dormant. Tasty and hopeful.
She worked on it like a Da Vinci masterpiece, in the shadows, muscle twitching and squeezing while she chewed gum, walked down the sidewalk, paid for soda, etc.
Her back on the bed now, her eyes off of my general area, her mind off of me for the time being, I looked at this vagina and I didn’t change my loving state of mind. I continued on in my loving nature, eyeing the area as the face of God, living to testify, yearning for meaning and purpose. Here we had it.
The fruit of life itself. The womb.
I started in with my mouth so slow that it had to hurt. I was so gentle on the edge, on the rims, around and around, so fucking torturous and purposeful, so much purring and so much restraint, and there went the goosebumps on her thigh.
It was working.
She tried to get up and move on to something else. She knew she was falling into the void, into the unknown. But I stood up, pulled out my dick real quick, let her see it, and then I guided her back down, back onto the bed.
And I kept eating, like a lion over a slow-dying hyena.
After a while I sent a kiss or two up her thigh and into her brain. It went through her heart and it just breezed along the edge of her soul.
I stood up and I moved her body around 180 degrees. Her face was hanging off the edge of the bed.
Here we had a little bit more eye contact. She was telling me that she was liking this position.
My cock was really hard, harder than it had ever been. No doubt about it.
I grabbed her face and I just moved, sort of moved it around a few centimeters, just to loosen her up and make sure she was comfortable. I was basically letting her know that I was about to put it inside of her mouth, to be ready.
Again with the ultimate poise and slow speed, here we had the most beautiful entry in the history of mankind.
Her mouth was dripping with anticipation. It was like the molecules inside the saliva were all lined up in uniform, saluting the president down Pennsylvania Ave back to the white house. It was like home.
Her throat was where I wanted to be. Not too rough though. Let’s just get there and call it a day.
I was in and I was in and I was in…I was out and I was cruising the tip along her lips. I even gave her a little hard dangle and let the full cock fall onto her face, around the cheeks and the eyes, just giving her a moment to look up at me as I craved release and pushed forward.
This was really good for me and I prayed to God Himself that she was enjoying this just as much.
I went to medium speed and then to just above medium as I fucked her mouth to the back of the throat. She was so accepting it was like, it seemed illegal. She just laid there and didn’t move and she took everything I gave her. Like she was some sort of sex angel. Or devil? A real live doll. I don’t know. I don’t know really how to explain this part.
I loved her so much.
I squatted down to her face with mine and I said, “Now, I’m going to have sex with you just how I want to. So, if you want to go ahead and get on top of me or take it in the ass before that, let’s do that now. Because I know how this thing ends today. Let’s get you all taken care of first though, okay?”
“Do what you want.”
“Can you say that again.”
“Do whatever you want.”
“Say my name. And then say that…please.”
“Craig…do…whatever…you want.”
This was where I wanted to be.
If she was giving me all of her, to do with what I please, well then I was going to love her. I was going to make love to her. That’s what I was going to do.
And if she had any doubts or questions as to the authenticity of this love, or as to the quality of the man who was proclaiming this incredibly universal and one-of-a-kind sort of kingly love, then I had to really harness the total fullness.
I had to give her the holy spirit.
She had to be loved and punished and swaddled and cuddled and beaten down and uplifted and smacked around and affectionately dominated, that gentle aggression that I talked about.
We moved her around again to her back. She was laying proper in the center of the bed, all 100 or so pounds of her, all woman, all stark naked, all acceptant, as pretty and delicate as can be.
I came up towards her from the bottom. I kept my nose close and I smelled at her and breathed on her as I moved over top of her.
We were both trembling.
I wanted to just put it in already and cum. I feel like it was the nature of it all calling, the procreation DNA, just begging for us to make a baby and be done with it.
So I had to breathe first.
For the first time, she leaned her head up towards mine and kissed me. It was a gentle kiss, some sort of reassurance.
The eye contact that I had planned on turned into something else at this moment.
We looked at each other, my cock just achingly hovering over it’s final destination, and we both just smiled.
No teeth or sound with the smile, just our lips moving in unison outwards, four dimples showing.
It was all going to be okay.
At some point, we were going to be together. In some lifetime.
This was a pivotal moment in the story of us. A sex to remember.
I slid inside of her and we both closed our eyes and I laid my full body weight onto hers.
She wrapped her arms around me and we had sex.
Together.
I came and she came and heaven was once again actualized.