It is common for people to blame each other when things go wrong. There are plenty of targets to point the finger at, and there's no shortage of ways to find fault. We've all made mistakes, but we've never blamed ourselves or our coworkers. Using excuses is a natural defense mechanism that works well in many situations. Let's look at a few ways we can use excuses to make the blame game less destructive.
To make the blame game easier to play, avoid expressing blame. Using blame will only make matters worse. People need to know where they stand, so they'll automatically latch on to the worst-case scenario. But you'll never find anyone who doesn't have an excuse. Instead, try to identify what made you mad in the first place. Ultimately, you'll end up pointing the finger at yourself, and that's not the way to solve the problem.
When you're angry, it's natural to blame others for your own mistakes. The only problem is that it reinforces paranoia. When you blame others, you're giving them the wrong idea of what they should do. Then, you'll be tempted to point the finger at them as well. This can only result in a vicious cycle where everyone ends up feeling bad. If this happens, we will tend to feel bad about ourselves.
In business, the fear of blame erodes confidence, which makes people more likely to avoid responsibility. Pitchers might throw "avoidance pitches," batters might be hesitant at the plate. It could make a team go on a slump. In a workplace, a lack of transparency can lead to more problems and a lack of communication. When we blame, we're doing more harm than good.
When people do blame, they don't necessarily take responsibility for their actions. They don't see their own mistakes. The problem is with our perceptions. By expressing blame, we shift the burden of the problem onto others. When we don't, we will find ourselves reacting to the wrong person and ignoring the truth. If we're not willing to acknowledge our mistakes, we're only doing ourselves a disservice.
When people express blame, they're shifting the burden of the problem from themselves to others. However, the problem isn't a single person. The problem is more likely to be a system or context. When a person doesn't feel responsible, they're denying their responsibility. This is not healthy, and it undermines trust. In a workplace, blame can also affect people's confidence in themselves and their work.
Using excuses to explain your actions is a common defense mechanism. We use excuses when we feel that we're losing control of a situation. We'll blame someone else for our mistakes as a way to avoid being blamed. We can also use excuses to make ourselves feel better and less stressed. We should not allow ourselves to be victimized by others. We need to accept our own faults.