It was 10 years ago, I had successfully applied to the Army and was currently in the training phase.
I don’t remember the date or the day but we was on week 22 of a 26 week course and we had just deployed on a 5 day exercise. I remember it being in November and the weather was bitterly cold. Our task was to ‘dig in’ now in military terms this means to dig a hole big, wide and deep enough to fit a whole 8 man section into it, however when digging you still need your protection out to protect us from enemy attack, we called this ‘stag’, so with 3 sections digging their own hole and with a 2 man protection out each section that leaves 6 men to dig at any one time, however the digging was planned to take roughly 12-15 hours, in that time the stag had to be rotated and then you have to factor in, food breaks, water breaks and sleep breaks. With this in mind we split the section in half, so half was sleeping and half was digging for 2 hours at a time whilst equally sharing the stag duty 1 man from each half. So that left 3 men digging and 3 men sleeping or administrating themselves at any one time. The hole we was we digging was going to be 12 foot long, 4 foot wide and as deep as the tallest man which was just under 6 feet, so we really did have to just ‘crack on ‘ . Now to save time we came up with the idea of ‘hot-bagging’ with our doss bags (sleeping bags) which meant that instead of packing our sleeping bags away during the shift change, we would leave them out and the persons coming off digging could just jump straight into the 3 doss bags that where left out. This was the first mistake.
After about 6 hours of digging and resting, the heavens opened up and the rain started to pour down, now to give you an idea of where we was digging, we was on the side of what can only be described as a huge Hill, looking at it at the time is seemed almost mountain like, we are at an angle on the side and their was no coverage from any trees, just a big open plain Hill.
As the rain came down I was on the digging cycle, we had gotten to about 4 feet deep at one end of the trench and soon realised the heavy rain was starting to make things even more complicated, we started sliding and the wet mud created suction with the shovels making it twice as hard to dig. Unforeseen to the diggers at the time but the people on rest where out in the open with no cover getting wet, I think we just presumed the people on rest would get their wet protection out and ensure all doss bags where covered, how wrong we was. Like any trainee soldier, they merely pulled the doss bag over their heads and decided to stay in that position hoping the rain would pass.
So now covered in mud and soaked to the bone it was time to changeover, on climbing out the trench we noticed they hadn’t moved and had left the sleeping bags out in the elements without any wet protection, rendering the 4 season sleeping bad useless. It was at this point that the directing staff (DS) decided to call a halt to the digging until the rain had passed and motioned us into some trees to put ponchos up and get some cover from the onslaught of water that was trying to drown us. It was still a training exercise though and so we had to do all this tactically and as quietly as we could. The stag from each section was also placed out but instead of 2 people per section we only used 1.
Having set up the poncho it was time to get into the sleeping bag and just wait until there was a break in the rain so we could carry on with the original task at hand, digging the trenches. Because I had left my sleeping bag out for the hot-bagging, it was soaked right through and very dirty but I had no other choice, I placed as many warm layers on as I could and climbed into the wet cold doss bag, my thinking at the time was that with the heat from my body I could dry out the doss bag. The new warm layers I had on kept me warm enough to get me to sleep quite quickly but sure enough the overall wetness from the rain soaked through the layers and I began losing heat very quickly. I don’t remember how long I was asleep for before my shivering body woke me, but I know that it was within the hour. As I laid there wet and cold I started to doubt my decision to join the army, I was starting to have self doubt that I could in fact finish the training and join my desired job choice, this doubt started spiralling and gaining momentum until I started to cry, I was 20 years old at the time, I had grew up on a council estate where crime was a regular thing, I had been beaten and chased most weeks but I never cried, I was too tough to cry but there in my cold doss bag I began to quietly cry. People quit the army all the time, we started with a platoon of 30 blokes and began this ‘exercise’ with only 26 due to dropouts, it was easy, all I had to do was stand up and talk to the DS and say I refuse to soldier anymore, I want to quit. At that moment, I decided to get up and quit, I placed my doss bag away, I packed all my kit neat like they showed us during our first exercise, I put on my helmet and webbing and picked up my rifle to begin the walk to the DS to tell them ‘I quit’. But on the way I saw one of the stag personel, Dean, a good friend of mine sitting on the ground in his stag position shivering. Now I don’t know why I did it, but right then at that time I decided to trade places with Dean, he was clearly cold and I thought, I would help him out as he has done me many times in the past on this course. Dean was a little confused at first, no one ever offers to take you off stag early, in fact quite the opposite, and with still 25 minutes remaining he couldn’t understand, I explained I was up and had warmed up from the moving around and that he should just make me a brew when light is allowed. Obviously I didn’t tell him I was about to quit. He was only too happy and off he went back to his poncho to get his head down.
As I sat in that stag position the rain started to lighten, and could only be heard faintly above the canopy of the trees, I started to actually warm up, then I saw a flicker out the corner of my eye, something about 20 metres away through the trees started to move, I caught it jumping from the fallen branches that laid on the floor, it was a Robin, a plump red breasted Robin, I watched it, transfixed as it got closer and closer, I didn’t move in fear of scaring it, I remember feeling warm, I remember feeling overwhelmed by something but didn’t take notice of it at the time, the Robin was now 2 feet away, standing proud on a branch in front of me, looking right at me, almost as if he was there for me,
(I will never forget the feeling that Robin brought to me, even though I didn’t know it at the time)
and then the Robin chirped and jumped away, as I watched him leave I felt new vigour, I wasn’t thinking about quitting, in fact I was ready to start again and get back out there and dig that trench, just then I was replaced on stag, the rain had stopped and the DS had advised us to make a small fire under our ponchos so we could dry out some clothes and be ready to start the digging again within the hour.
I completed the exercise and we was allowed home for the weekend, I travelled with Dean as he was from the same area as me. As the weekend had finished and Dean picked me up to start the return journey back to camp he said to me “ I was going to quit, right after my stag I was going to quit, but you changed my decision when you took me off stag, I couldn’t just leave everyone there whilst I would be back at camp warm, you changed my decision for your selfless action” I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was also on my way to quit and only stopped because I saw him on stag shivering. What he said next changed my whole perspective on life, he said “my mums a spiritualist and likes to get in touch with people, after I told her about you and that you helped me on this exercise she did a blessing for you, and she has a message, your grandmother came to see you on the exercise, she came in the form of a Robin”, I hadn’t told anyone about that Robin, at the time it was insignificant, it wasn’t until I heard these words that I remember the feelings I felt as the Robin approached and left, the overwhelming feeling of calmness that gave me my strength to carry on with that exercise, my Grandmother the Angel as a Robin. Now that was 10 years ago, I have had many more encounters with angels and always at times when I am at my lowest, but whenever I see a Robin not only am I reminded of that first time but it reassures me that I am on the right path.
When times are low ask your own angels for help, look for something that distracts you and overwhelms you, these will be your angels.
Thank you for reading, if you have any questions at all, I shall be happy to answere them.