Light Shine

I was driving towards a place I like to take pictures at when I pulled over under a heavy downpour as I saw @pasowine country oaks light up through the thick clouds and a rainbow brighten in the darkness. It got me thinking of a song my Mom sung with me and probably hundreds of other kids at the preschool and Sunday classes she taught, "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine . . ."

As I thought of those words and the rest of the words in that song of faith, I thought about what they mean to the believers who live them. The understanding that the light we let shine is not our own, but a reflection of the glory of God, his Shakina light, who is Jesus, the radiance of the father. I thought about the rainbow and it's meaning to the Christian as God promised Noah he would never destroy the earth again that way and what that means interperativly, practically and spiritually. I thought how the rainbow doesn't appear until after a storm or some rain and just as the rainbow is a marker of Gods promise, when we have to endure storms, and dark clouds in life we need to remember the promises that are made. We need to not "hide our light" and try to blend with the darkness, or hide it for fear that the "spiritual darkeness" might overtake us. We also need to know and remember that just like the rainbow comes after a storm, light shines best in the darkness. Part of my adventure the day of these photos was to capture lightning. Yet, even as bright a flash as lightening makes, the light of day conceals it, but when the night falls and the darkness is around it flashes brightly! Similarly I've listened and read as people complain of a changing world, state and city. Perhaps it's the sentiment that it's become too liberal of a state, or no longer is a "Christian" country. That we no longer live in what once was. I think that might not be a terrible thing. Good still happens. Liberal policies that stem from empathy for the broken, destitute marginalized and slighted are not all bad, in fact these are things Jesus taught us to do as well. A culture where everyone on the outside appears the same, claims Christ, and celebrates things like Christmas and Easter is like a bright and sunny day. Its easy to let your light shine when all is well and the day is good. And if your light happens to not shine, it doesn't seem missed, but when the night comes . . . When the world seems dark and foreign to you is when the believer is uniquely created in Christ Jesus to shine best.

I often think of my Mom, and as I thought of this day and remembered this song I thought of her light. Her light shined so bright and all who knew her saw it. Her light shined so bright, because of the darkness of pain, and disease, and decay. Mom suffered a horrible brain tumor at 14 years old. It was a pituitary tumor and I was told that she is in multiple medical journals because of being the 1st woman to have such a large pituitary tumor removed and live; the first wome to have lifetime allowable radiation so close together and live and have Children born after such things. The darkness of her pain began there. Drs told my Grandparents there was no way she would live, and if she did she would be a vegetable. After 21 hours of surgery the exhausted surgeon seemed cold to my Grandmother as he said these things. Still, she recovered and lived. In the hospital as all hope was lost, and countless Drs would say, “She'll never talk, never walk, never have children, never drive, and more" her faith and determination helped her heal and overcome.

My Grandfather and my Mom told me a story of when a Dr came in telling everyone she would never walk again and they all left down the hall not wanting to keep saying such things in front of Mom. As they walked down the hall the Dr realized he left his duty rounds on Mom's bed and so they all returned. As they entered the room they found my Mom half way out of her bed using a chair as a walker and dragging her feet to the window. The Dr was astonished and asked what she was doing and why? Mom said, “Every day you come in here and tell me I'll never walk and never have children. After you leave I go over to the window and I look at the cross on that little church and pray.”

Mom told me later that she always prayed for two things, that she could walk again and have one son. In the midst of that darkness that was that hospital room, a place that was a light of healing, she found a brighter light, she found the cross! Have you found the cross? Better yet, have you found the one who hung on that cross and defeated it? Mom did. Over the course of her life with surgeries and strokes and setbacks she learned to walk again, and drive, and graduate. She learned to walk again many times, because she had to. Each surgery, stroke and setback seemed to put her in a place of starting over, but she did. She walked again. She also had two sons, my brother and I. Mom would say, “God did exceedingly, abundantly, above all I could ask.”

If Mom's story ended there it would be a great ending, but it didn't. Darkness tried to overcome her again many times. The 1st great test of her light and strength came during great darkness. When she was 19 and just graduated she met a young man and fell in love, "because he would take care of her" she said. They married shortly after in met in 1973. In 2009 my Mom's oldest sister told me that the day after their wedding my Mom called her crying and scarred and confused. My aunt told me, “Teddy, this will be hard to hear, but on their wedding night your Father tied your Mom up and beat her during sex!” Perhaps a darkness greater than pain, tumor and disease had attacked her. A man vowed to love, honor, and cherish, had tortured her.

In all that torture her prayers were still answered. She bore a son. During delivery there were 15 Drs in the room to examine him, because no woman had ever given birth after the amount of radiation she had received. He was completely healthy. Then about 18 months later God did exceedingly, abundantly, above what she had asked as I was born, her 2nd son. In the darkness of fear, and abuse, and sexual torture she was given the light of life and the answers to her prayers. Yet, her light couldn't overcome that darkness. Mom told me that the night she decided to finally flee was when I was less than 2 years old. My brother, who was about 4 came into the room where my Mom was and he was crying. She looked at him and he had a red hand mark on his face. Mom cried out, “What happened?” Jimmy replied, “I just wanted a hug.” My mom said she confronted our father who said that Jimmy wouldn't get out of the way of the T.V. So, “I whacked him.” Mom had endured so much, and was willing to endure more because of her vows, her faith, her hope and her love. It was ok to abuse her, but not her kids. She packed and left, and took her lights with her . . .

Moms story goes on from there to re-marriage, and good times, to bad times and to more pain. Mom's light and life finally went out on January 8th 2012, 40 years after she was told she wouldn't live another day. She outlived her Drs and I believe her light shines on in me . . .