Three Things Dads Need to Be

As podcast host of Father Nation, I’ve interviewed scores of dads about their experiences as a dad and what it takes to be a better dad. I realized over time that three general principles cover most of what we do as dads. These three principles are all needed but also equally important. Asking to compare one principle against another is like asking if air or water is more important. Each is essential. If you are looking to become a better dad, three important principles are as followed:

Connecting: We must connect with our kids. This means frequent communication and understanding. Connection entails things such as having fun together, sharing, joking, entertainment, enjoyment, trust, and having a closeness in the relationship.
Guidance: We must guide our children. This means teaching and showing them things. Guidance entails things such as imparting, motivating, giving direction, encouraging, consulting, coaching, and getting them to learn and grow in every area of life.
Rule: We must be in charge of our children. This means that we are in control of them. Rule entails things such as power, authority, respect, discipline, leadership, organization, responsibility, and making sure the child has a healthy fear of consequences for actions.

These three broad principles summarize what every father should seek to do: connect, guide, and rule. In relation to each of these, I’ve created 3 Archetypes of dads as followed:

The Buddy: this dad is strong when it comes to connection with the kid.
The Trainer: this dad is strong when it comes to teaching and imparting his wisdom.
The King: this dad is strong when it comes to having control over the kid.

All three dad types are good, and all are necessary. None of us are completely one type. We are all mixtures between the three. To our sons and daughters, we are—and need to be— buddies, trainers, and kings. How much of a buddy, a trainer, and a king should a dad be? Each quality is good, and I don’t believe you can be too much of one. For example, a king can be a benovolant dictator or an evil one. A trainer can be good or bad. Even buddies can vary between a good trusted best friend and a liar who you hang out with just out of habit or for nobody else around.

With each dad being a mixture of being a buddy, a trainer, and a king, the question then becomes how strong a man is in each of these areas. A dad could have very strong buddy tendancies and some decent trainer habits while lacking as a king. Another dad might be a great king but falls shorter in the trainer department.

Be great in all three areas!