I'm not just raising little boys....I'm raising someone's father, husband, co-workers, friend....

in family •  6 years ago 

This is the best picture ever of my boys...

This picture was taken about 8 years ago. That part of my life was super complicated, but many days I still miss it. Four tiny humans that needed me for absolutely everything. I was recovering from a cesarean section, I was attending college full time. I was exhausted, breastfeeding 2 babies, and trying to figure out how to juggle everything.

I always wanted to be a mother, these kids are everything to me. Some days I am not so sure that I am doing as good of a job as I could. I try every single day to teach them how to be good people, to help them pursue their passions, to let them be individuals, to teach them and help them become independent. In this house we do hugs, we laugh, we go on adventures, we act silly, and we keep an open mind.

I am trying to raise excellent humans, unfortunately, it seems like many people in society simply don't like boys.

How do I protect my sons from a society that views them as aggressive, violent, manipulative and sexist?

I have become super in tune to all the ways that other people speak about boys and men to each other, openly on social media and to their daughters. It is not a good sound. Many woman don't speak highly of their husbands, too many times I have read messages and heard people say that they will be waiting with a gun when a boy breaks their daughters heart.

Why do you want to shoot my son???

Now maybe I am overreacting, I don't have any daughters, and most of my close friends aren't females. However, from where I am standing there seems to be a general distaste for boys/men. The ever growing feminist movement, the "me too" campaign, and the complete break down of traditional gender roles may have influenced this. I am not sure as I am not a sociologist, but it seems to me that many people think that it is ok to describe men in a ways that hold mostly negative connotations.

Some men are violent, and damage people beyond repair, but so are some women, men can be and are victims too. We call people who intentionally ruin other people.... bad people. Being a terrible human doesn't require that you be a certain gender.

Before anyone makes any guesses about my political associations or other beliefs, I will just lay them out for you. I identify as a Libertarian, but I am not registered with any political party. I am pro-choice, pro-death penalty and believe there are only two genders. I am also pro constitution and firmly believe in small government/states rights. I am not a firm believer in strict traditional gender roles, I am educated and have spent most of my adult life working outside of the home. However, I do believe that gender roles are important for society to function efficiently.

I am a woman who was raised in a home that looked different than the typical family, my mom worked full time from the time I was 11 years old. My dad was there for me when I had my first heartbreak, he cooked me dinner, he helped me with home work, and he is one of the kindest, most nurturing people I know. I still want my dad on particularly hard days, he is one of my favorite humans.

I am trying to raise my sons to be awesome fathers, great spouses, and well rounded valuable members in society. Can we start by reminding boys that they can be, and men that they are?

Thank you for your time, I hope you read this with an open mind.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this issue.

Until next time.

All the love,

krazykrista

Both of these articles were interesting:
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/308135/
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/03/31/masculinity-traditional-toxic-trump-mens-rights/99830694/

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I'm not just raising little boys....I'm raising someone's father, husband, co-workers, friend...

Just so you know...

THAT IS AN AWESOME BOOK TITLE

...can you imagine? In the parenting section? A title like that?

Wow. That captured my interest, and you are 100% right.

To have a mom, who thinks like you do... just wow.

Want to really hear my thoughts on this issue?

Check out the @krazykrista nomination post here:
https://steemit.com/life/@intelliguy/krazy-blog-post-but-it-is-not-all-that-krazy-look-at-the-value-of-your-steemian-friends

Thanks to @intelliguy I found your post about raising your boys. I enjoyed reading it and I cannot but agree that you (and I also) are or have been raising future fathers, husbands, co-workers, and friends. It is a very responsible "job" and it is good to be aware of that fact. I had two boys and one girl and I am very happy to see they became responsible adults. They are in their thirties now and two of them have children of their own, only @exyle, my youngest son, has no children thus far.

I have some different opinions about the death penalty and I don't believe there are only two genders, but I agree with you that being a terrible human doesn't require that you be a certain gender.

I thank you very much for this post and I hope a lot of your readers will become aware of the fact how important it is to try to raise our boys (and girls) to be excellent humans. The way you wrote it will certainly ring a bell with many people. I will start following you from now on.

Thanks for stopping by @clio , I am glad you are enjoying your adult children and grandbabies, my parents are some of my favorite people to visit with and I think being a grandmother will be awesome. I will have to slide over to your blog and give some stuff a read. Enjoy your day!

Raising them to be "awesome fathers, spouses, and well rounded valuable members in society"...AMEN. I'm so happy to read this. There aren't enough people who are raising their family with values. More often we see people letting their kids raise themselves and formulate their own ideas of societal norms...but that is so dangerous! Kids need love and explicit instruction about so many aspects of life. I certainly appreciate your perspective and blog. -Respect

Kids do need plenty of love and explicit instructions, too many people try to be their kids "friends" kids need direction....I hope im leading my kiddos the right way

Your hope and desire to do so is already enough to know that you're doing the right thing. Too often we see a lack of concern...or more so a lack of active parenting. You're doing the right thing, I'm sure! Keep up the good work here and with the kids. -Respect

I think people are often underestimating that they are raising somebody as an individual in society. Everything you learn and experience in your childhood shapes you and you ideas on who you become later on.

Men are not on the best page in history at the moment. It dont think it is because of more events but because of more perspectives being brought out that were more silent before.

Ej mucho respect girlie. Raising a kid aint no joke and raising 4 is 4 full time jobs to shape your kid ready to go into society by themselves.

Despite the way they talk about boys/man and I say to them, it ain't my fault I came out male. Like you lashed out, violent people are not attributed to a particular gender. I wonder why it seems normal when a girl breaks a boy's heart but different when a boy do the same.

ahhh your boys are so cute!!!!

Well I think that you're doing a great job raising great men! As long as men (and women!) learn how to be respectful to each other, there is no reason to speak badly about the opposite sex.

I think raising both sexes is hard, but a good male role mode is extremely important in a child's life. Just like you, I'm extremely lucky to have had a great dad and the best husband ever. I'm convinced that they turned out that way thanks to a strong and loving mother who showed them how to behave with women =) Thanks for posting this!

I appreciate your willingness to share this personal part of your life, @krazykrista. I really do. 😊 Also, what you said is on point - you're not just raising little boys - you're raising someone's husband, father, friend. This one got me, and it will be etched in my mind forever, and a great reminder when the time comes I'll have children of my own - to raise them to be good human beings. 💕

About the whole gender issue thing... This world has become a much complicated place, @krazykrista. Some people, or shall I say some women who were badly hurt by men, have a tendency to make bad judgments and prejudices that point out that all men are bad and just there to break girls' hearts.

This is sad, but we can't do anything to change how they feel. Sometimes, that's just how hurt and pain can turn somebody into.

However, what we can do is to let them know that not all men are like that. Chivalry still exists in this world - but chivalrous men aren't knights in shining armor anymore. 🤣

For me, the new chivalry in today's world is real love and commitment a husband or a life partner can ever give to his spouse. A helping hand a man can give to an old lady crossing a street, an encouragement a man gives to a friend who's down, an all-out support a father can give to his children - that's just a part of what chivalry is. And we can teach our young generation to make it "trending" again, if it has gone "out-of-style".

You're right the backlash against boys and men isn't fair for the individuals that have no part in reprehensible behavior towards women. You've made incredible sacrifices for your boys and I'm sure they will make you proud!

Gee... I even adjusted my own blog post re-reading it, when I said I was happy to be friends with this woman.

Here's the new version:

...what an inspiration. I'm proud to be friends with this woman / lady. Actually gender is not important. She is a spirit of humanity that needs to be treasured.

You can call me a woman intelliguy, it offends me not at all <3