The Nuclear Family

I often hear the arguments of traditionalists that the nuclear, male-dominated family is best. This is often supported by referring to their religious scriptures. Some go as far to say that a woman's place is in the home, and support that with arguments that women are mentally and/or physically unsuited for outside work, despite the fact that, during wartime, it is women who continue to take care of their homes but also take on jobs to support their family and the military. More chivalrous men will state that women should be raised up on a pedestal, be relieved of the stresses of having a job, and be well cared for by their spouse so that they can devote all of their energy to raising the kids and taking care of the home. At the opposite end of the spectrum are the misogynists and other men who view women as little more than chattel to make them look good, provide superficial companionship and serve their needs, but don't deserve equality or even a say in matter. Even in advanced countries, there are specific cultures in which this sort of segregation and second-class citizenship persists - most often in religious enclaves. Their arguments always revolve around the role of a woman should not be the same as a man's. Is this correct, though? Certainly, the suffragettes of the bygone era would argue that it is incorrect, and yet there are women today who crave that sort of relationship. Granted, some are simply looking for a sugar daddy but even in religious enclaves we can see that at least some of the women are very satisfied with their position as housewives - even if we might think that they're not being treated fairly or, worse yet, they're being abused.

The Extended Family

In contrast, other traditionalists wanted to retain the more traditional arrangement of multi-generational, or extended, families, with the elders being in control. Historically, in many countries, this was a very popular family type but, in the US, it went into decline for various reasons - partially because of how much space was available, as well as changing values.

Culture Shift in the US in the 1960s-70s

One of the things that catapulted the US into its current configuration was the dissatisfaction, primarily of women, over their roles in the family, in society and in business. There was a great deal of debate over women's roles at home, at work, in the voting booth, sexually and in what roles they could take on. Women's rights were finally being acknowledged in a substantial way. Some of the problems already existing in all types of families were completely ignored, however.

Abuse

If we look at those women who want to be in an abusive relationship, we can see that what happened in their lives set them up to look for men who they know, at some level, are dangerous for them. The fact that many women seek out mates in prisons, even serial killers, aptly demonstrates that your childhood experiences have a great deal of influence over people, especially those who are unwilling or unable to move forward into mentally supportive and psychologically beneficial types types of relationships.

One such example of this is the serial killer, Aileen Wuornos, who was severely abused as a child and apparently never developed the ability to realize that she could escape the cycle of violence. She lived in a nuclear family led by her grandfather, and her grandmother was a timid alcoholic. For many years, they presented themselves to her as her parents and her mother was presented as being her older sister. As she grew older, she switched from being a victim to being a predator because she was able to realize that being the victim wasn't helping her - but she didn't realize that there were other options. She engaged in many types of crimes and used prostitution in order to get the men she would then shoot to death. She is an excellent example, although certainly far from the only one, of someone who has ultimately become a psychopathic serial killer as a result of the highly dysfunctional family she was in consistently and repeatedly destroying her trust in others while physically and mentally harming her in her formative years.

From these things we can deduce that there isn't one correct answer. Indeed, if you study human nature you will come to see that there are many different possibilities for a person's outcome, and some of them are very compatible with living in a nuclear, male-dominated family.

However, there are actually many other ways - not all of them male-dominated and nuclear - to arrange a family.

Definitions

P/matriarchal = Control is dominated by males/females. In more extreme versions, women are treated, at best, as second-class citizens and, at worst, at property with no control over their lives.
Bilateral = control is divided fairly equally between them.
P/matrilineal = Inheritance typically falls completely or mostly to males/females. In Islam, the lion's share goes to men, with the rest going to women.

Nuclear = A family composed of only the immediate members (i.e. parents and children). Some children will continue to live with their parents after marriage.
Extended = A family with multiple generations, usually led by the eldest in the household, and sometimes containing one or more subordinate family composed of the children who have married and still live at home.
Communal = A group of families or individuals that live together and help each other, sometimes living in the same home or complex, and may be led by an individual, couple or group of elders, for example. Loose communal living centers exist where individuals and families help each other in some ways, but not in others. Traditional examples are more likely to be composed of members of a tribe or ethnic group.
Societal = Similar to communes, but they exist on a much larger scale, and may be loose or tight-knit.
Some cults qualify as communal or societal.

Monogamy = the practice of a couple being committed solely to each other in a sexual sense.
Polygamy = the practice of one or both members of a relationship engaging in extra-relational or extra-marital sex in a consensual manner.
Polyandry = the practice of women having more than one husband simultaneously, which is practiced amongst some Hindus and other non-Abrahamic religious cultures.
Polygyny = the practice of men having more than one wife simultaneously, which is much more widespread and even occurs in some Abrahamic sects.

Examples

Islam

In Islam, men engage in polygyny (although not all Muslim cultures do this) and, depending on where you are, the typical family structure may be nuclear or extended, but are sometimes communal. Such cultures are almost always patriarchal and patrilineal.

The Samburu of Kenya

In southern Kenya, the highly patriarchal, patrilineal, extended family system of the Samburu tribes dominate, abuse and exploit women to the point that at least 3 matriarchal, matrilineal villages have been created by unhappy women, with the first being exclusively for women. In these villages, women have all the power and men who want to be with them must defer to their decisions and accept that they don't have the lead position anymore. Traditionalist men are not happy with this, of course, but I'd say it's a better deal since the women protect each other, and practices such as forced arranged marriages, honor killing and genital mutilation aren't allowed. The relationships are monogamous (in contrast to the traditional multi-wife system) and the community works together to raise the kids, provide a good education, earn money and all other aspects of life. In the first village, couples who want to see each other must do so outside of the village.

The Mosuo of China

In China, the Mosuo tribe has a matriarchal, matrilineal, somewhat communal system, too. This one has a family dominated by the grandmother of each household, which is an extended family with generally 4-5 generations in a very large home. Women do most of the work but matters of killing and death are the job of men. Marriages are called "walking" because the man will visit a woman he's interested in at night (this is agreed upon by both parties) and go back to his family's home in the daytime. This is, in fact, not a marriage but a system that allows women and men freedom from being tied to one partner for an extended period of time, unless they choose it, so it can be considered serial monogamy, although some women and men engage in sex with multiple partners in a night. The words "father" and "husband" do not exist in their language. Women work very hard to take care of most aspects of life here, but they also exclusively inherit the wealth and property, and have full control in each household. As a result, plus the fact that each family is self-sufficient through gardening, raising animals and other activities, if a couple doesn't want to be together anymore, there is no need for divorce, a division of property or anything else; the children always stay with the woman, and the end of the relationship is not a traumatic or stigmatized events. Even if a woman has chosen a man as her husband, he lives at his family's home, where he handles matters of trade and similar, as well as helping raise the children in his mother's home, while having access to his own children if he wants. Both men and women are free to pursue other partners throughout life, so this is a matriarchal, extended, polygamous family structure. In contrast to other ethnic groups in China, the Mosuo benefited from Mao's communist policies. Outside influence, including of tourists, is eroding this culture as many children choose to leave when they're old enough. In addition, some areas of the Mosuo have been invaded by casinos, hotels and even brothels.

The Swedish

The Swedish have a similar "marital" arrangement called Särbo. "It means two people are a couple, but decide to live on their own. Sometimes they spend a lot of time together, do vacations together and spend the night together. But at the end of the day, this is my house and that is your house. You are merely a guest in mine, a welcomed guest, but still a guest. For many elderly couples this works well, they might've lost their spouse or divorced, but found a new partner. You both have your own families, homes and lives, but you still want someone special to spend your days with. I know a couple like this, and they say they haven't fought even once. It works great for them."

The Minangkabau of Indonesia

In Indonesia, the Minangkabau culture of the Minang area of West Sumatra is matrilineal and monogamous, even for Muslims, and can be either extended or communal. However, it is patriarchal via the woman's side - the leader of each family or clan is a male sibling of the female. Outside influence is eroding the matrilineal part of their culture.

The Rimba of Indonesia

The documentation of a government program of aid for 3 indigenous tribes of Jambi and South Sumatra, including the Rimba culture, is matrilineal except for the family name, which is from the father. "Rimba" translates to "jungle" and they do, indeed, live in the jungle and are hunter-gatherers. As for leadership, each group (3-4 families) is patriarchal, led by one old man. Some of them practice polygamy but others do not. I got this information from Farida Oesman, one of the anthropologists who previously visited and studied them for the program I linked to.

In Indonesia, many of those families that have chosen to intermarry with other religions, cultures and nationalities have adopted a bilateral approach to family life.

Wicca

Amongst religions, the Wiccans practice three levels of marriage:

• handfasting, which is shown by having their hands tied together at a ceremony and stay together "for as long as love lasts," traditionally lasting a year and a day (and such a marriage is ended by a handparting);
• official marriage of the two for as long as they live; and
• marriage of the souls for all eternity.

Conclusion

Many cultures throughout the world had extended family structures for a very long time, and some still do. Most of them are patriarchal, but some are either matriarchal or neither, and may employ monogamy or polygamy, and nuclear, extended or communal family structures.

Ultimately, every system has strengths and weaknesses. A culture that puts everyone in its place gives everyone a sense of position and purpose, but its rigidity also makes those who have trouble fitting in feel unhappy. A culture with a great deal of flexibility makes some people feel like they don't know their place or purpose, causing anxiety, while others revel in the individual freedom. There certainly are cultures that have taken things to such an extreme that the family unit is detrimental to the members, but the claim that a nuclear, male-dominated family is the best choice is certainly refutable.