Undeserved

Hi! I just want to share my story and hope I could get feedback from this.
I am a Registered Electrical Engineer. Just passed the passed the board exam last September. But I don't want you to see the glory, or the success, or the smiles and celebration but the pain.

I graduated this year in with 4 failed subjects and 6 incomplete subjects during my entire college life. Never took my subject seriously and had taken every opportunity for granted. During my entire entire review for board exam I told my parents that I won't be staying at the dorm because it was too expensive. Considering our financial capability and my brother's expenses (because he is also reviewing for medical technologist board exam), I decided that I would just endure the 3 hour travel for home. Atleast that's what they know. I have to main reasons why I chose to endure those long travel hours.

First is, I don't think I could passed the board exam. Looking at my grades and past performance from my college days... It would be quite a miracle if I'll passed. Thinking that it would be a waste of resources if they would spent money for expensive dormitories.

Maybe you were thinking right now, then why bother going to review centers if you think you wont pass?
Well, I have no choice. It's my parent's decision. I have been taught to respect and always honor my parent's decisions.

Second is, I did the math. I would have more allowance If would be travelling. Well good thing we're trained to be good in numbers. Even though I have more allowance, costs were way less compared if i stay to the dorms. AHA

So 5 long months of review. I've spent more time travelling than reviewing. The routine was, wake up at 4 am , be at the bus station by 5:30 am, review from 8-11 am, lunch at 1 pm, play computer get til 4 pm, sleep til 7 pm, dinner at 8 pm, take a quick glance on my notes til 9 pm (optional), watch movies/tv series til I sleep (no specific time for sleep). This routine has always been the same for 5 long months.

Yet I passed. It did brought me joy but a relief. never really worked hard enough to achieve it. I never felt so free that time because ever since I've been forced and pushed to pursue this career. Relieved of the pressure and expectations from my parents though I am not the only child.

Then after 2 months there's pain. Two months after I went on a vacation then I met a girl. Based on what other people say she has a potential. Had been good, actually great during her college years. No hangouts, no partying, no vices, no boyfriend either. she had been focusing on her studies and career. She just finished on her board exams (accountancy) when we met. Then I thought, MAN!! this girl surely could pass! NO DOUBT! The only question is, where will she be in the top 10! Then after I got home from vacation the results came. She failed.

Then I began questioning myself. WHY? I never looked at myself this way. Could not even express it in words. Why do people don't get what they deserved? For sure she worked hard for it, she prepared for it, she did everything she can... But all I did was, make a guess during exams. Sometimes make fun of it, that I passed the board by just making a wild guess on most of the questions... But after meeting those people who did their best yet they failed?

Since then I've been thinking what have I done to deserve such things. Is life really unfair?