Jeannie stared out the window from the passenger seat in Rebecca's Lexus SUV, multi-coloured lights of the strip glittering in the distance. From far enough away, Vegas always looked like Christmas to her. If only she could feel it right now. Festive.
"I'd stay with you, but I'm on night shift and I have to go in soon," Rebecca said. "Tonight they're expecting two more for the game on Friday."
"I'll be fine," Jeannie said. "I'm sorry for freaking out earlier. Must have looked pretty stupid."
"Oh honey, I know your head hasn't been on straight lately, even before all this."
"I don't know why I went over there or what I was expecting to happen." Jeannie's eyes teared up again. "He hurt me so bad and yet tonight it was like I'd come crawling back on my hands and knees. I––I needed him. It wasn't about Steve at all."
"I'm sure whatever he said, he didn't mean to––he lost his job that day, his mom had just died a month or so earlier––he was going through some bad times."
"I know. I mean, he hated his mom, but she was the only one he had." Her throat clenched; his message was burned into her mind. She'd since deleted it, without letting anyone else hear, or even know the terrible words he'd left. Only that they were awful. Not words you say to anyone you genuinely care about no matter what else is going on in your life. Nearly a year later and she still couldn't decide whether it was stupid of her to refuse to forgive him, or stupid of her to consider it.
Rebecca was quiet while she made a left turn onto Jeannie's street, then said, "So who's this new guy? The one you came with the other night?"
"An old friend. I had the worst crush on him all through school starting in the seventh grade. And I didn't even work up the nerve to talk to him until the eleventh grade."
"And?"
Jeannie shrugged. "All of a sudden he likes me now. That's how men are, isn't it? They only make up their minds that they want you once you've given up on them."
"Like I said earlier: you have to figure out if you were running to, or running from." Rebecca pulled her SUV to the curb and stopped outside the entrance to a high-rise apartment building tiered with glass balconies. The security guard behind the front desk raised his head and, recognizing Rebecca's vehicle, returned to reading his newspaper. For the zillionth time, she asked, "Sure you'll be okay?"
"I think so. Thanks for the ride." She opened the door and climbed out. Maybe she was running away from Steve rather than toward Jimmy. Or maybe it was both. Or neither, and each man was a distraction so she could avoid thinking about how the rest of her life was going nowhere and her absolute lack of effort to find another career. She'd grown so bored with her life she'd practically begged to be let in on this caper. Even if she wound up in jail at least she'd have had something exciting to look back on. All she'd been doing lately besides working at the bar was sitting at home in front of the TV. Hell, in jail you probably didn't even need to clean up after yourself, brush the knots out of your hair, worry about losing your job and not being able to pay your bills.
Just as she was about to shut the door of the SUV, Rebecca leaned over, elbows on the black leather seat. "One more thing, honey. If you want something, go for it. Don't play games. Be honest to yourself about what it is you really want, and ditch the pride." With that, she pulled the door shut, sat upright again, and drove off.
Jeannie stared, stunned, at the tail-lights fading into the night. All her life she thought she knew what she wanted and maybe all along, she'd had no idea what that was. Ever since she'd lost her job as a costumer, she'd been drifting like a leaf caught in the current of a stream, aimless, letting the waters buffet her and never even trying to reach the shore. And now she was caught up in something so stupidly dangerous it she may as well be heading straight over Niagara Falls.