Chapter 7 – Federal Case, Jr.
The feds sent a representative to talk to YT in person.
“Listen, Bryce. We know about your latest break-in. Sloppy. But whatever you kids did, it’s kicking our asses.”
“I’m not admittin’ nuthin’,” YT said. “You know the routine.”
“It is our understanding that there’s a deeper connection to your little nerd rap scene. We’re in a real pickle, here. Throw us a bone.”
YT considered this for a moment.
“We’re responsible and we’re going to fix things. But we need total immunity for all crimes committed during the interim.”
“All crimes?”
“Except rape,” Bryce said.
“And you expect carte blanche? Nice try, kid. I know you. Ten minutes after we leave, you’ll be draining bank accounts.”
“Do you want the problem handled or not?”
The agent sighed.
“Yeah. I’ll send word to treat the matter hands-off. My bosses are not going to like this, though.”
“Fuck what they like,” YT told him. “Do you really want a nation of zombies?”
“You guys have forty-eight hours. After that, you can expect prosecution for any crimes you’re caught committing,” the agent said as he left.
YT chuckled and sent a text to Nursie: “All systems go. License to kill.”
Then he defaced the White House homepage, declaring himself President, even including his picture like the old days, and started transferring funds from Wall Street to the accounts of the nerdcore crew.
The trouble began almost as soon as they hit the interstate leaving Orlando. They were traveling in a vee formation at one hundred and ten miles an hour, the roads eerily empty. Four Florida state troopers tried to pull them over, and it was their first shoot-out.
One pulled beside E.P.P. and Betty said, “That cop looks like a pig!”
“Semantics,” Sir-Up said.
“No, he has a pig nose! Fucking shit!”
“You’re riding shotgun…” Wreckshin reminded her.
“Oh, yeah. Fuck yes!” she said. “Now how does this thing work?”
She roughly aimed the Uzi and pulled the trigger, releasing a burst that caught the pig thing through the bicep, rupturing its chest. The cop car veered off to the right and into a ditch.
“Don’t fuck with the Reb!” she yelled.
Another pulled up next to High-C and Myf, Myf made a “roll down your window” gesture, and to his amazement, the cop rolled down his window.
He pulled a pin and tossed him a grenade, which landed in his lap. Myf waved goodbye, and when it exploded, all of the windows of the cop car shattered. The car lurched left toward them, and then rolled, nearly causing a collision with Bbear’s vehicle, which was following behind them.
Doc Popular was, of course, a hell of a driver. He cut across two lanes of traffic in an instant, perfectly positioning Zealous1, who stuck out a shotgun and shot through the third cop’s window, vaporizing the side of his face. The car slowly coasted to a halt behind them.
MC Inadequate banged into the last car with the Hummer a few times, toying with it, until one of the RPG crew lost patience and blew it up. The explosion was spectacular.
Nursie got a text from YT: “Local law enforcement says clear roads ahead. Haul ass.”
By then, everyone in Router’s apartments were either dead, disappeared, or converted. She rose, nearly eight feet tall, and surveyed her troops. She now had an entire battalion of undead warriors, and they were steadily growing more numerous.
YT transferred a million dollars into each nerdcore artist’s bank account. He mainly robbed megacorps and billionaires, so a lot of them never even noticed once he’d covered his tracks.
If they survived, they’d be set for life. He sent another text to Danielle: “$1,000,000 in your accounts. 44 hours to withdraw. I don’t trust the feds.”
E.P.P. practiced their new material as they sped down the highway. High-C put in a CD he specially made so he and Myf could recreate the Run-DMC scene from “CB4”, which killed an entire minute.
Beefy and Zealous1 got into a fierce freestyle battle as Doc Pop beatboxed for them, eventually declaring it a tie.
RPG downloaded High-C’s tracks and gave them a listen, surprisingly enough. Even more surprising, they enjoyed them, appreciating the dark undertones, which was something nerdcore generally lacked.
Bbear drove while Ultraklystron and Nursehella made love in the backseat, and he tried not to look. Each time he did, all he saw was Karl’s white ass, so it got easier each time.
Magitek desperately tried to figure out how to reverse the damage they had caused, to no avail.
“We’re gonna have to kill her,” Thugmasta J said.
They didn’t have any more problems until the Louisiana border.
Router sent forty-nine of her minions to the rest of the continental U.S. Hawaii was off-limits due to the difficulty of a zombie getting past airport security.
Nursie kept YT informed, and eventually he decided that he couldn’t miss the action. He and the Spamtec crew chartered a private jet and flew to Dallas to meet up with everyone else.