Bob's dearranged misadventure

BOB'S DERRANGED MISSADVENTURES.
BY
M.T ELEMENO
U.J 420 BLAzE IT
&
SIGRUD WHAT'S HIS FACE

NOTE
THE FOLLOWING IS A WORK OF FICTION FOR ALL AGES HENCE THE BOOK IS WRITTEN IN LAYMAN TERMS AND COMMON ENGLISH SLANG.
THE BOOK BARES NO RESEMBLANCE TO ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE THE CHARACTERS, PLACES, NAMES AND WHATNOT ARE COMPLETELY FICTUTIOUS HENCE IT WOULD HOPEFULLY NOT OFFEND ANYONE THE ONLY ONE LIABLE TO FILE COMPLAINTS AGAINST THIS BOOK ARE LISTED AS FOLLOWING
Copyright lawyers.
Parents and representing police of abused children.
Pimps, scratch that "Porn Actor's Managers."
Hacking Software, Viruses, etc.
Overall law enforcement.
femenists and other women rights activists
Jeff from down the street.
if you're anyone other than that piece of shit jeff and you're offended please let us know.
yours truly
the writers.

CHAPTER 1:
THE "AWAKENING"

it was a sunny day like no other the boss of a tech firm named ace tech walked into his office building hoping that today was the day he'd find the successor to his multi trillion dollar firm. ace tech was like no other company it had spread its roots to all fields it was the epitome of privatisation of industries. it produced anything and everything. the boss was an old man nearing his retirement days. having no children and or close relatives the boss thought he would personally choose the most talented person he would ever meet to take over his firm. he had shortlisted a few extraordinary young gentlemen and had em over to thoroughly interview em.
the boss steped into the elevator ordered his secretary to bring him some coffee. the boss reached the top floor with his coffee in his one hand and his briefcase in another. walked towards the meeting room and told his secretary to send in the first one on the interview list. hours went by but the boss had no luck finding his successor. the whole interview looked like a lost cause and the boss thought to himself he'd never find the right successor to his company. or so he thought.
"i’m done with this shit, bring me my suicide pill Samantha." exclaimed the boss
"you can’t leave like this what about the company" said samantha. the big bus mouthed blonde secretary of the boss who was half british and half irish. damn how awesome would that accent be. anyhow moving on.
"no i don't wanna li....wait is that music playing in a distant?" said the boss.
the music was coming across the meeting room door. the music was getting closer and closer. suddenly "blam" a buff handsome guy kicked in the door. and threw a big ass bundle of paper on the table.
"damn that's badass" the boss thought to himself while biting his tie in excitement.
the boss took a look at the bundle-o-papers they were all degrees from the most prestigious colleges and universities in the country.
"that's it you're hired" said the boss while getting up. "congratulations it’s all yours." he continued.
"what aren't you going to interview me?" exclaimed the gentleman.
"no need you're exactly what we need" said the boss while pushing the "dude" in his chair.
Smantha whispering "put it inside me and impregnate me with your seed" in a distance and winking towards him.while biting her lip.
beep! beep! beep! beep! a faint beeping sound was getting louder and louder in the distance.
"what's that?" inquired the dude
"why, that's the alarm" said the boss.
"the alarm to your office?" asked the dude.
"no the alarm to your room"
buzzzzzzzzzz!!!!1111 one one rang the alarm to "the dude's" room instantly waking him up.
BOB:ahhh man fuck, it was just a dream.
ahhh fuck me harder, deeper, faster. don't stop!!! don't stop!!!!
bob could hear two people fuck in the other room.
"man these neighbours have been at it for hours don't they ever rest?" bob thought to himself while he got out of bed and went outside to the bathroom to get ready.
after he got ready he knocked on his mom's bedroom's door and told her to make him breakfast real quick as he was running late for his big job interview.
bob thought to call his friend and ask him for his car. he took out his phone and called tim. ring!!!! ring!!!!! a phone started ringing in his mum's room the door opened and it was tim.
"hey tim wassup" asked bob
"nothing much, just hanging around with your mum" tim replied
"oh nice, anyhow can i borrow your car for today? and thank god those neighbours stopped at least we could have breakfast in peace" said bob
"oh yeah those neighbours hehe!!" tim sweating nervously while giving off a fake guilty smile.
tim took out his keys and handed em over to bob. "you can take the car but you gotta promise you won’t return before 8" said tim
"before 8? why's that?" inquired bob
"well, reasons" replied tim.
"oh okay, deal." said bob while grabbing a toast and rushing out the front door.
bob arrived at the ace tech office 5 mins later than the time he was supposed to be there.
"i'm here for the interview. where should i be waiting?" bob enquired at the front desk.
"the interview for the accountants job? it’s down the hallway to the left" replied the front desk lady
"no the toilet cleaning job" said bob
"oh, that job. go to the janitor's office. its in the back alley behind the building right next to the dumpster." said the desk lady.
bob went out the back the alley was in the middle of joe's burger's and the office building. while on his way to the janitor's office bob saw this beautiful bong in the dumpster behind the back sitting there in the pile of worn out vibrator sand used condoms thinking to himself damn that's a nice looking bong. better jack it son but since he was already late he thought he'd come back for it after he was done.