Last week was tough.
You’ve probably, (or at least I’m hoping you missed seeing me on steemit) noticed that I haven’t been around for a while. The reason? I've officially divorced my work husband. As many of you know, I make my living in the TV, Film and Commercial world. In my profession it is not unusual to work long hours for days, weeks, months and at times years to bring a creative project to fruition. Because of the time away from your “civilian” life it’s not unheard of to form quick, intense friendships with your co-workers. Usually these bonds are the supportive base in which allows a crew member to be away from home and earn a living.
In some cases like I was, you will be the beneficiary of the “work husband or work wife”.
Now, I’m not talking about the kind of work husband/wife situation that leads to cheating on your spouse or loved one. I’m talking about the work husband/wife relationship in its purest form. Think a co-worker relationship, usually but not always with a member of the opposite sex. A working relationship that is mutually beneficial. One that is beyond simple friendship but one that has more depth, time and history in it. Think a relationship of trust, honesty and protection but with no sex, fighting over bills and no need to see this person on your deathbed.
Anyway, let’s jump to my ex-work husband.
We met 17 years ago. Both struggling in NYC production, we learned the ropes together. Working with other people at the time, there was an immediate recognition of each other’s strengths and talents. As a transplant to New York as well as a new wife and mom working with (let’s refer to him as eXWorkHusband) XWH seemed to make so much sense. We fit each other’s work style perfectly. Like a happily married couple, we shared similar values, life ambitions and growing families. We innately got each other, and understood the difficulties that our work life could have on our personal life. We ultimately figured out how best to be in both worlds covering for each other if there was a sick child, a Girl Scout meeting, a missed anniversary, a furniture delivery or a science fair.
It was precious and invaluable to me and to my growing family.
I think that’s why what happened next was so devastating.
Last March my husband changed career paths and it became apparent that I would need to be at home and tend to our family’s needs. Now usually this isn’t a problem to take off any amount of time, as we are all freelance. When I saw what was happening I immediately went to my XWH and informed him that I would be “down” for the next 30 days or so. Keep in mind that both my XWH and I have done this type of leave before; it’s a wonderful perk of what we do. This time was different. Something was happening with XWH and he wasn’t and still hasn’t shared what is wrong with me. Oddly, we stopped speaking. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Phone calls, texts and emails either answered late or not at all. Of course, I got a little crazy train and thought, “what the fuck have I done?” “am I being ghosted?”, “what a shit!”. But after the anger subsided, there was a shift in how I saw the ending of our relationship. Instead of anger and bitterness, I was filled with gratitude.
I was oh so thankful.
I reached out to my XWH by letter… I know totally old school. I wrote to him of my openness and of my gratitude. I wrote to him of not understanding what had happened, what was going on or that maybe he had moved on with a new work wife. Mostly I wrote to him of my thankfulness for what he had done for me and for my family. For our work together resulted in me buying my first house, sending my kids to private school and traveling around the world. Better then those things? I got to experience situations and people I would never had access to if we had not worked together. For that I am forever grateful.
So what happened after he got the letter? Not much on his side. A flurry of shocked phone messages, texts and emails to me saying that nothing was wrong and then… radio silence. I can’t say if we will ever speak again or cross paths at work. I’d be lying to say that leaving this relationship doesn’t make me incredibly sad. What I do know? Is that you have a choice and a say in your own happiness. This chapter of my life (as corny as it sounds) is now closed. What is open to me now would never have happened if I stayed happily “married” to my work husband.
So I’m moving forward, full of hope and real excitement, which I haven’t felt in a long time. Maybe divorcing my work husband is just what I needed.
Who knew?
Please follow me @agbaba and @takeitto2