When I get a pimple on my tongue, I always feel guilty in case I've told a white lie.
I dance like a car dealerships inflatable tube man.
I tried being normal once. Most boring hour of my life.
You didn't notice that that I used a word twice in this sentence.
A fact of life: After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F.
The first five days after the weekend are always hard.
I am 100% done with today and about 37% done with tomorrow.
At first, I didn't like my beard; then it grew on me.
Broken pencils are pointless.
"What's up cake?" "Muffin much."
I don't have goals. Goals are for soccer. I'm not soccer.
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