Whole30 – Day 4

Day 4 was yesterday. My job spilled over the top of the bucket as it does sometimes, and I had to stay quite late. Quite quite late. I had gotten there at 9am and didn’t leave until 11:30pm. In a situation like that, what do you do about food if, like me, you have stupidly sworn off eating anything that is easy to get in an office building snack machine in the dead of night?

I had eaten a good breakfast before leaving home yesterday, and had a giant salad with lots of Whole30 sanctioned goodies on it for lunch. I thought I was going to a girls’ night later to, you know, have a life, and wanted to be well-fed so I wouldn’t be tempted by all the treats people would be bringing. And I had a couple of pieces of fruit with me, an apple and an orange. When it became apparent that I needed to stay at work for a few hours, I suppose I could have gotten in my car and gone out for provisions, but the nearest grocery is a long way from my office, and it would have meant staying even later. No thanks. Instead I opted for survival mode. After all, I had the fruit! I was prepared! I could have more to eat when I got home. I’m tough…..ish ……sometimes. I could just gut it out, right?

My tummy started grumbling around 6pm. Like a plane crash survivor in the mountains, I tried to save the food I had for as long as possible. Tummy peeps quickly turned into tummy rumbles which turned into a constant low-level hum, like a cat purring only not cute. I finally gave in and ate the apple at which my stomach threw back her head, tossed her hair, and laughed derisively (I had no idea my stomach was such a witch!), so I ate the orange too. At this, my stomach stomped over to the chair in the corner, sat down in a huff glowering at me, checking her watch every five seconds and letting me know I was on borrowed time. I got in another 20 or 30 minutes of work and then Miss Tummy was off again, complaining away, more Boeing 747 now, less cuddly kitten.

So there I was at a crossroads. Really had to finish something up before I could go home; really wanted to stay the course with the Whole30 (no grains, no dairy, no sugar etc, for a month); but really hungry, and being badgered relentlessly by my stomach, Miss Crabby Britches. Water wasn’t working, hot tea wasn’t working. I needed more food.

The closest thing available to a Whole30 sanctioned snack was a big bag of chi-chi popcorn I had bought earlier that day. It was a bit precious, made with sea salt and avocado oil, and was to have been my contribution to the snacks for girls’ night. I needed to bring something so had picked up a big bag of popcorn in the cafeteria when I bought my lunch. And there it sat, in a bag near my desk, calling my name softly, oh so softly.

Well you can probably guess what happened. I ate it. I ate all of it. It didn’t stand a chance. I did pause long enough to google whether corn was considered a vegetable or a grain. I found out it is a vegetable unless you dry it out as with field corn or (doh!) popcorn. Then, armed with that important distinction, I dove in and ate it anyway, making quick work of the entire bag. The result was that I was able to get my work done and, a few hours later, go home where my man sweetly agreed to make me some eggs.

When I was young, I believe I would have considered eating the popcorn a failure, evidence of my inability to stick to something. Day 4 and I am already eating one of the forbidden foods? It might have derailed me completely, and certainly would have made me feel terrible. These days I feel differently. It was a failure, of course, but only a little one. It isn’t going to prompt me to halt my 30 day experiment. I am continuing with the Whole30. This still feels like a useful and worthwhile thing to do.

One of the great gifts of age I think is perspective. Age gives you time and space in which to fail so spectacularly at things of such importance that by comparison eating a bag of grain when you have sworn off grain for a month is a mere blip. Age gives you time to make friends with your own humanity. This is so much better, so much happier, than pursuing that chimera, perfection. Besides, the popcorn was really good!

What I ate today:
Breakfast: Chicken breast, green beans, banana, coffee
Lunch: Butternut squash soup, salad with chicken, tomatoes, onions, etc.
Snack: Popcorn!
Dinner: Eggs, tomatoes, apple, orange

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