Mushy and slimy, the well-recognised banana is often relegated to baby food or as a food for athletes.

Well, Hello Again Esteemed Steemians,

When the cycle of wonder-foods rolls back around to bananas, they are purveyed as some kind of superfood with magical, heal-all properties. As a vegan, I know they are damn good replacements for all sorts of animal products used in a variety of recipes.

Not all bananas are equal all of the time. However, given time, this equality presents itself to all banana kin. And that’s just it – time.

Bananas, like all fruits ripen over time. The ripening is a part of ageing or senescence. Their sugars increase while they are on the plant and continue to do so as they leave it. The combination of sugar production with moisture loss creates an increase in flavour intensity, but people are regularly turned off by diminishing appearance and structural integrity of the fruit. Yeah, mushiness and age spots are a big deal, apparently.

So here’s the low-down.

What can you use bananas for? Obviously, you can eat them as is, but are we apes or do you want to know how to make the most of your kitchen appliances?

The floury filth of a green banana. You're crazy if you're into these.

Early Stage One - “Unappetisingly Early”

These battle-hardened warriors could withstand a beating from a nineties-fit Arnie, get to Everest and back without a bruise, welt or graze and still be unfit for human consumption. Please, do yourself a favour and let the banana stew in it’s own ethylene gas and transmogrify into Dr. Jekyll (consider every green banana a dastardly Mr. Hyde) before considering gobbling into it.

Ethylene is a naturally occurring gas generated by plants as part of the opening of flowers, ripening process of fruits and abscission of leaves. It is flammable (in high concentrations) and interestingly, when passed through steam at 300 degrees Celsius and between 60 and 70 atmospheres in the presence of a phosphoric acid catalyst will produce a hydrated version of itself - ethanol! (the common alcohol in beer, wine and spirits).

Stage One - “Youthfully Yellow”

Great for taking on hikes, throwing in the car for a breakfast addition on the way to work or as the afternoon balanced sugar hit. These are the bananas that everyone knows and loves. If they're still in your bag by the end of the day, no doubt they've transitioned to Stage 2 but great to eat on the bus ride home.

Stage Two – “Speckled Silly”

These guys will get out out of a bind, if need be. But be careful of their usage for mobile snacks. Over-handle or knock them about, and they’ll go even darker to which you’ll be turning your nose up at and wishing you’d been more careful. At this stage, they’re a delight eat as is and fine to add to cooked foods. They're perfect in banana bread, smoothies, pancakes, cakes and muffins. As a vegan, people often ask me how I get by without eggs. Aside from products like arrowroot and cornstarch that are fantastic, bananas are a really good binding agent. Often, that’s all the egg is use for – as a binder. Get rid of the cholesterol-ridden egg and opt for the potassium and fibre-laden banana!

Stage Three – “Browning Bombshell”

Let’s get real here. Only the seasoned banana connoisseur can detect the differences between stage 2 and 3. Additional spinal browning, agglomerated pigmentation and further development of an umber hue are features of this transition. As far as you're concerned, use as you would a Stage 2 banana.

Let's get real. This is an hour away from maggots.

Stage Four – “Distastefully Darkened”

At this point, you’re not willing to sacrifice the car seat or you own tastebuds to eat this sucker raw. Relegate him to the freezer for later use. Preferably in something that will require some oven time! If you want to make your ice cream sweeter without adding additional sugars like maple syrup or refined white sugar, “distastefully darkened” bananas will suit this purpose perfectly!

(Ok.. so there probably is a Stage 3.1, 3.2, 3.3 all the way up to 4. I didn't have those bananas at home and wasn't prepared to use any more images that weren't my own. Get off my back, yo!)

Recognition of the edibility of green bananas

In the interests of entertainment, I wrote that green bananas are unfit for human consumption. If you like floury, bitter bananas, who am I to stop you? They are entirely edible. By entirely, I don't mean the skin, too. Dolt. On the plus side, they are full of resistant starch, which is great for digestion.

If you thought the article was full of cr@p, informative, preposterous or just plain outrageous, hit the UPVOTE.

If you really loved it, do me a solid and hit the resteem button. (see that, I didn't even bold RESTEEM .. just trying to be subtle about self-promotion. You've got to be tactful, you know.)

All the best,
Nick

Acknowledgements

Frontline Services website provide excellent information about ethylene and it’s role in the ripening process of climacteric fruits.
http://www.frontlineservices.com.au/Frontline_Services/Fruit_ripening_gas_-_ethylene.html

Chemguide (a nerd’s paradise for chemistry enthusiasts)
http://www.chemguide.co.uk/physical/equilibria/ethanol.html

Healthline
http://www.healthline.com/nutrition/green-bananas-good-or-bad#section1

“Distastefully Darkened” banana photo courtesy of BakeThisBread
https://bakethisbread.com/2012/12/07/black-banana-bread-recipe/

"Unappetising Early' banana photo from Authority Nutrition
https://cdn.authoritynutrition.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/bright-green-banana-large. jpg

All content is original.