I am going to talk about some subjects that are uncomfortable.
For the past few years I have been trying to understand what it means to forgive someone, and the people that say 'forgive and forget' do not fully understand what they are talking about. Some people think that forgiveness should mean that the other person develops stockholm syndrome https://www.britannica.com/science/Stockholm-syndrome
The simple truth is that GOD designed our bodies and normally a scar is left when a deep injury has healed.
The way that I understand things to be is that when you harm me (say you tried to humilate me) its human nature for me to want to extract my punishment on you (which is pretty animalistic, but the thought is for the blood that I lost to be replaced by your blood) But for thoes that follow the teachings of JESUS we understand that our GOD said that HE is going to get even for me
Romans 12:19 King James Version (KJV)
19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
By not 'forgiving' you, the only thing that is being accomplished is that I am hanging onto the pain of what you have done to me. So when I choose to be unforgiving all that I am doing is marinating myself in a toxic fluid https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/marinate.
The story is that when I 'forgive' you what I am doing is saying that I am going to stop trying to figure out how to make a painful trap for you to fall into. When I 'forgive' you I am not saying that what you done was acctable behavior, and I would be a fool to rush into the same situation (with you the same) because you would proably hurt me again (what am I your punching bag?!)
What you have done was you have broken my trust, and after you have made sure that I am not seeking to harm you (that is what forgiveness is) You should capitalize on the truce and seek to re-earn my trust, but when I forgive you I am not saying that I trust you!
But in no way are evil-doers recieving a free pass to walk around burning bridges (when you break my trust, then you have burnt the bridge of friendship that connects you and I) But do not be fooled, GOD has a watchful eye on the afairs of mankind, and a evil deed might seem to go unpunished. But what is happening is that the evildoer is adding to GOD's cup of wrath. If you be mean to me maby only a drop of anger will go in GOD's cup, then if your mean to Jerry a couple drops of anger might be added.
The simple truth is that humans getting even with you is the last thing that you need to worry about!
People can understand that when a person does not 'forgive' they are in the process of becoming bitter, but what they might not understand is that if you are experiencing shame https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shame then you are just being unforgigiving to yourself.
So stop trying to punish people by not 'forgiving' them your proably going to give yourself an ulcer!