One of the hardest things in life is to put yourself out there. It is seemingly harder for those of us with a myriad of anxiety disorders. If you don't every try your answer will always be ‘No.’ yet that ‘No’ is the hardest thing to hear. So many times we don't even try because we don't want or fear the rejection. Some of us have some self worth; others don't so to put yourself in a potentially negative position is hard. After a while the rejections get to you and you really do start to believe that there is something wrong with you. Then depression comes to visit and the vicious cycle begins.
Take looking for a new job for example. Now days, with the digital world it is getting harder and harder to even get your foot in the door. I cannot tell you how many jobs I have applied for over the past few years and had to settle for a very low end position, just to pay the bills. Since I am still looking, I visited places and websites I have applied to and they are now hiring to replace the person they hired. A few times the person they hired is, rude, insulting, and lazy; I no longer frequent those places. No, I don't know what that person might have over me or what their situation is. However, it still damages your self-image no matter what you try to do.
I have been told 'don't worry about it,' 'it wasn't meant to be,' 'this wasn't the job for you.' Yada, yada, yada. I know people are just trying to make me feel better, this does not help. When you have put yourself out there so many times, you have lost count then it is time to re-evaluate things. What can I do differently to increase my chances? What keyword did I miss? What is the key? I have always been taught to try for feedback to see how you look through the potential employer’s eyes. That has gotten to be hard these days with resumes being scanned for keywords. It all boils down to what word didn’t you use. How does one fix that? I have had two friends that work in HR and had them proofread my resume. They tell me it looks great. Then countless hours of research and constant tweaking.
Since my current job is mediocre, at best, so many people have told me to deliver the job that I am paid to do. Don't go beyond. Be mediocre. I have been in customer service so long; I don't know how to not do it properly anymore. I don't know how to be lazy, but most of all I don't know how not to care what is going on. I feel like I don’t fit a mould…well I don’t. I am not a cookie-cutter copy of anyone. I know so many people that want to get paid to sit there and do mostly nothing. I have that and can’t stand it. I have always believed my work is a reflection of ME. Not anymore, it has become a reflection of how others see me.
I meant this as a blog piece to help others to keep working towards their dreams and goals. You cannot succeed if you don’t try, if you don’t take the chance and put yourself out there. It seems to have turned into a bit more of a retrospective. If you want your dreams, you have to work at it every day. And by any means….STOP comparing yourself to others. I admit it. I am guilty of that. Make sure you are working towards and building your dream, not someone elses.
<3 tryskele
