In Which I Picked Up A Comment Card

in friendly •  7 years ago 

I'm had to go to Target yesterday.

I know, right? It's quite a cliche. The suburban mom taking her kids to Target.

But the need for pull-ups was somewhat urgent.

As I buckled my girls in the cart (not easy, E hates it) a worker that feels comfortable talking to me about everything started singing "Where have you been all my life?"

It was creepy.

johann-walter-bantz-198041.jpg

As we walked through the store I decided I was going to say something to a manager when I checked out.

Sadly, there was no manager at the lanes. So I chose a cashier I felt safe with and as she scanned my things I asked if she knew if anyone had talked to this young man about professional behavior with customers.

She didn't know, bit agreed he could use some help in this area. After all, sometimes a 17-year-old doesn't know the difference between friendly and creepy.

She was lovely and gave me a comment card to fill out.

I will end this by saying to you parents, especially parents of boys, teach them. Teach them empathjoseph-pearson-310903.jpgy so that they realize the difference between professional friendly behavior and professional creepy behavior.

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have you considered that this kid is a retard? oops, I should say 'intellectually challenged' .... anyway, these big stores have a hiring quota to fill.

I think the phrase you're looking for is "person with an intellectual or developmental disability." Person-first language.

I am aware of that phrase as well, but I wasn't 'looking' for it. Some would argue that even 'disability' is politically incorrect - they prefer "differently abled" - https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/differently_abled
Hashtag #facepalm (interesting - there are a pile of entries with that hashtag on twitter, Facebook and other sites - none on Steemit)
I personally like to call a spade a spade and not an excavation implement.
btw - English is not my first language.

I've even read that "differently abled" isn't the most polite term, because it still focuses on the ability instead of on the person. When in doubt, I just try to use person-first language and ask people's preferences in terms of phrasing and how they identify.

read it where? This is not as clear cut as you may think. The National Federation of the Blind adopted a resolution in 1993 condemning people-first language. The resolution dismissed the notion that "the word 'person' must invariably precede the word 'blind' to emphasize the fact that a blind person is first and foremost a person" as "totally unacceptable and pernicious" and resulting in the exact opposite of its purported aim, since "it is overly defensive, implies shame instead of true equality, and portrays the blind as touchy and belligerent".

Fine. Then when a blind person or person who is blind asks me to use the term they prefer, I will use it. But "retarded" is never acceptable and neither is your persistent mansplaining. I don't know what you think you're accomplishing by lecturing us but you aren't changing any minds by using offensive terminology and then projecting on us that we are the ones being offensive.

I used 'retarded' (which I ameliorated within the same sentence) to contrast with 'creepy', a expression directed at someone with a disability. While retardation is a clinical term in medicine, creepy is a modern expression to show disgust. Did I in any way bring gender into this discussion? Your reaction is totally out in left field. If anyone is condescending, it is you trying to berate me what is 'politically correct' without you having the slightest comprehension of the meaning and content of one simple sentence. What I tried to express (and maybe that went way over your head) was that a choice of words such as 'creepy' is demeaning, by using a similarly unacceptable word which I ameliorated to show the difference. Of course nothing I might say could likely change your attitude toward men (boys), and in this specific case against a boy with a disability. Even though I am repetitive within this reply, I do not expect you to understand, so I consider this discussion closed.

"Creeped out" is how she felt. "Politically correct" is often confused for being compassionate and respectful by people who don't want to be. Objecting to someone's lecturing and offensive language is not "berating." And you will not speak to either of us like we're simply too stupid to understand you. Go away.

I try to be respectful with my language because words matter. If the spade prefers to be called an excavation implement, it doesn't put me out in the least to say that instead.

Stacia, thank you for your amazing comments. I thought I deleted the original one because I didn't want this fellow to think for one second that his comment was acceptable.

You are an amazing friend and advocate 💖.

Most welcome! <3

advocate for what? calling a guy 'creepy' and reporting to management, or me cautioning that he may not have all his faculties and overreacting without knowing the background is not a good way to go about. What I sense in this post is a lack of compassion. There is a guy like that in my neighborhood that is exactly like that - when I ride the bus and he sits near me, he always talks to me like that - I never for one moment would even think he is 'creepy'. I know who and what he is, and I cut him slack. I also know a lot of people that would go around calling someone like that 'creepy'. Not my favorite kind of people!
In fact, what is creepy is the illustration used to 'enhance' this post.

The person who used the term "retarded" is now saying the original post "lacks compassion"? We don't always know what people are dealing with, that's absolutely true. But to suggest my friend should ignore a feeling of being creeped out is to suggest that her safety isn't as important as possibly hurting someone else's feelings or making a mistake about someone's intentions. It's possible to do both--stay safe and be compassionate.