How To Make It Through A Friend's Family Holiday Party

Were you invited to a coworker or friend's family holiday/Christmas party but worries that you will stick out since you will be the only stranger there?

Here are some tips and strategies to help you make it through a family holiday party as an outsider with a positive experience.

Overall Tips:

1. Your goal for the night should be to have fun. Don't try to impress anyone.
2. If you have a crush on your friend, make sure to keep tip #1. Things will work out best if you do not force it but let it happen naturally.
3. Don't Lie. Ok, a little embellishing on the "400"lb hammerhead shark you caught is ok but don't outright lie about things.
4. Do not get Drunk! (alcohol in moderation is fine)
5. Ask your friend beforehand if there is anything or anyone you should be aware of. Knowledge is key.
6. Suggested to avoid conversations about Politics, Religion, and Sex.
   1. If not possible, stay as objective/open as possible as not to offend anyone. Regardless if you agree or not, try to avoid the situations if possible. (Use a Conversation Exit Strategy if possible)Ask beforehand if you should bring anything? Food, drinks, white elephant present?
7. If you travel often or realize that someone has been to a place you have been, use that as a conversation topic to discus fun memories from that trip.

Introductions Tip:

1. Because this is an informal setting, when you met people and they say their name, repeat their name back to them before greeting. "Hey Tom, Nice to meet you" (this will help you from immediately forgetting their name too)
2. If you get introduced to a grandmother, with open arms give her a hug and with a warm greeting say "Heeey Grandmother!" or whatever they call their grandmother/grandma/g-ma/ect.
   1. This is important as you want to befriend the matriarch of the family as they will provide a sense of acceptance that all will follow. Even in today's society.
3. If someone is wearing an Ugly Christmas Sweaters, comment on how awesome it is or wear one yourself. No one is going to be upset at a freaking legendary Ugly Christmas Sweaters and everyone is going to want approval for their fashion advice.

Eating/Food Tips:

1. Ask your friend beforehand and find out what you should bring. Is it a "I should bring a pie" or a "I should bring a broccoli cheese casserole" kind of holiday party?
2. Present what you bring to the host (the person who's house it is) not just the first person you see unless someone says otherwise. Just go with the flow.
3. Eat snacks!!!! So often people will not snack because they don't want to be rude when talking to someone or they are afraid of making a mess, ect. You definitely should eat for a few reasons:
   1. It will help you with your blood sugar and nerves.
   2. It takes time to eat and snack so if the party is going south for you, this is a good escape.
   3. Eating while conversing is a great tension breaker and makes people feel more comfortable as it relaxes the environment and in turn will make you feel more relaxed.
   4. You are probably hungry.
   5. It is polite to eat what others prepared or brought; especially if you're talking with a great Aunt and they made the cheese dip. You can discuss how amazing the cheese dip is and that she must give you the recipe. "Oh is that capers in there? Oh wow, it really brings out the flavor aunt Karen".

Alcohol Tip:

1. If everyone seems to be drinking and you are comfortable drinking yourself, get one or two drinks in right away to give you a little liquid courage. FOLLOW RULE TWO!
2. After your initiation drinks, STOP drinking or limit to 3 drinks for the first 3 hours if it is a long one. (STEPs 4 & 5 will explain)
3. Limit your overall alcohol as too much will turn it into some bad decisions and bold strategies.
   1. Smart way to counter this is to fill a cup up with a Coke or Tonic water and throw a lime in it. People will assume you are drinking without having to get wasted.
4. Hold a drink in your hand so you have a conversation exit strategy.

Conversation Exit Strategies:

1. If a conversation gets too much or you have nothing to talk about or it's getting awkwardly silent use a conversation exit strategy.
   1. Use the drink you are holding as an excuse to get away by saying " well I think I am going to get another drink, great talking with you" and then make your exit.
   2. If you make eye contact with your friend, wave and smile at he or she and say "if you will excuse me, I need to go ask (friends name here) something really quick"
   3. Go get some snacks or something to eat.
2. Go back to the grandmother and hang with her.
   1. Ask her about how your friend was when they were growing up.
   2. Ask them about any stories they might have been mentioned throughout the night to get their perspective. Grandmothers love to tell stories.

Family Member Conversation Tips:

![Holiday stranger.jpg]()

1. Hot Tip: The key is to keep the conversation light, find out a little about them, find an area of common grounds and create a connection around that. Everyone at the party will likely already know each other and you are the piece that doesn't fit. Make yourself fit by reshaping minor edges of yourself to your surroundings without losing what makes you who you are. You might get asked the same question every time you meet someone new "so who are you?" "who do you know here?" "what do you do for a living?" "where did you go to school?" "Where are you from?" Think about these questions beforehand so you have an answer or a small story or joke as your go-to. (Just like celebrities on late-night talk shows, it is all scripted, you should do the same)
2. Grandmothers
   1. Love talking about their past
   2. Talking about their family
   3. Discussing family traditions
3. Grandfathers
   1. Golf. Chances are they like talking about golf. Even if you don't play yourself, if they do, ask them about where they play, and if they have any tips about how to improve your chipping game.
   2. Fishing. Every guy has that one fishing story...
   3. Local Sports teams. Ask if they are following the (whatever the big local sports team is)
   4. Ask about local holiday traditions or rituals
   5. Small talk about the weather or driving directions/traffic. (Seriously most grandparents love to talk about the weather or driving conditions and traffic)
4. Mothers:
   1. Complement them on their house, if it is at the parent's house -"Your house is so lovely/cozy/ect", "I love your holiday decorations"
   2. Complement them on their child (your friend) - "so your (friends) mother? I can see where he/she gets their (looks/class/style/charm/ect) from".
   3. Ask about local holiday traditions/rituals.
   4. If they work, ask them what they do and try to relate somehow or ask questions about it.
5. Fathers:
   1. Sports Teams (similar to Grandfather's discussion). Or anything sports-related in the news.
   2. Any hobbies they have. (Don't just ask if they have any hobbies but after you ask about the sports teams they might hint that they are not into sports but into (some other hobby). If you are unfamiliar with it, say "I have always wanted to learn more about That hobby" (Then ask a question about it).
   3. If they work, ask them what they do and try to relate somehow or ask questions about it.
6. Aunts/Uncles/GreatAunts/GreatUncles/OlderCousins
   1. Follow the Grandparents and Parents templates for most parts.
   2. This is where you will tend to need to use the conversation exit strategies
7. Brothers:
   1. You may or may not need to vary your approach depending on your gender, your friend's gender, and the brother's age.
   2. Subtle compliment! Guys like to be complimented too. But be subtle about it such as: "nice watch, what kind is that?" or something simple and that could lead to a conversation.
   3. Number 1 topic for most brothers around the holidays (especially in the US ) is fantasy football/fantasy sports team. And if you are a female and talking to the brothers about this, well then your gonna be okay.
   4. If they work, ask them what they do and try to relate somehow or ask questions about it.
   5. If they are in college:
      1. Playfully joke about the school rivalries or traditions
      2. What their major is?
      3. Hobbies or clubs they are in?
   6. If they are in high school:
      1. Similar questions to college
      2. Where they want to go to college or what they want to do after high school.
   7. Can use your friend as the conversation piece and ask for stories about them or tell your own funny stories about them. Again, keep it light and short. Don't give them an epic novel.
8. Sisters:
   1. Compliment them! An article of clothing is usually your best bet. Or something like "You look just like your sister" (if your friend is a female).
   2. Conversation topics can usually be similar to Brothers.
   3. Discuss the latest season of The Bachelor/Bachelorette.
   4. Can use your friend as the conversation piece and ask for stories about them or tell your own funny stories about them. Again, keep it light and short. Don't give them an epic novel.
9. Old Friends/Other Friends:
   1. Joining of friend groups usually never goes as planned as most people act slightly different in each friend group. Use this as a great way to find out more about your friend.
   2. Find out how they know your friend and use that as the conversation piece.
   3. Conversation topics can usually be similar to Brothers or Sisters

Lunch/Dinner Seating Tips:

![Holiday Dinner table.jpg]()

1. If there is a sit-down lunch or dinner, try and sit near your friend or across from them. If not possible, try and be the last one to be seated so that the general masses will direct you to where you should sit.
2. Try and sit next to and across from someone you had the best chemistry with during your time there so far.

Other Tips:

1. Remember everyone knows each other so never insult anyone even in joke.
2. Try not to get belligerent drunk and hit on the cousin from out of town.
3. Do not drink and drive. Uber/Lyft/Taxi or ask someone to drive you home.
4. If it turns into a dance party, do get up and dance. Even if it is for the Cupid Shuffle. You are never too cool or too awkward to dance.
5. Try to make your way through the crowd and meet every person. If it gets later in the event are there is someone you have had an encounter with several times but still haven't formally introduced your self. Just say "I'm (your name) by the way!" as a great icebreaker and tension breaker.