Best text Jokes of all time cause you can live without memes

in funny •  7 years ago 

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Its been a long time that most people have not seen text jokes because of memes so i thought you may like some.Here are my best picks.

Seconds

 Doctor: I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.
Patient: What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?
Doctor: Nine.

The train

 A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

Mother remembers my name 

Mother: Anton, "do you think I’m a bad mother"?
Son:My name is Paul

Psycho Psychiatrist

 A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”

Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“

Ok I'm Going.Never mind

 Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery.
The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord!
The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery!
Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.

Eagle Eyes

Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?
Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

We same in the space 

 Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space?

To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"

"What is the problem?

"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"

Only three wishes

 Three guys are stranded in a desert. By a stroke of luck, they find a magic genie lamp.
 The genie grants each of them one wish.
The first guy wishes to be back home. Wish granted.
The second guy wishes the same. Wish granted.
The third guy says, "It feels very lonely here now, I wish my friends were with me…” Wish granted.

Thanks a lot guys hope you enjoyed these.Like and follow for great blogs.




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BRAINFART.gif
Hope you can appreciate the humor in this gif, I certainly could appreciate your post. Upvoted.