It's Done: Hit #10

in funny •  6 years ago  (edited)

You know that thing you asked me to take care of?

It's done.

Here is the proof you requested:

NoNamesLeftToUse - It's Done - Hit Ten.jpeg

Not everything went as planned.

Unfortunately.

First, I'd just like to thank you for your hospitality. It's not too often clients allow me to stay the weekend. Normally I have to be in, and out.

Your husband didn't dissolve as much as you thought he would. Whatever that liquid was, I don't think it was strong enough. Most of him didn't go down the drain, as planned. I blame you though. You told me it would work. I could have taken this guy down the road and threw him into the river, or something. He could be fish food but instead I listened to you and now you have a mess on your hands.

I still expect the rest of my money though. I don't care about your bathtub or the kitchen spatula I broke when I tried to scrape him up and flush chunks down the toilet.

And another thing. Wear a mask when you go in that room. Whatever that smell is, I don't think it's meant to be inhaled.

I hope this parcel reaches you in time. Enjoy the rest of your vacation.

Have a nice day.
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Warning: If you are not the intended recipient of this message, you may be in danger.

Forget everything you thought you knew about anything, put everything back inside the box as you found it except for the plastic bag. Inside the bag you will find many strange things. Those are yours now. My gift to you. This isn't over though. Not even close. I have a crew of people following this package. They are watching you, so don't try anything stupid. Put on the shirt that says 'I'm the Blowjob Fairy'. Find a bus stop. Ask everyone if they'd like a blow job. Once someone says yes, take the flute out and begin to play. It doesn't have to be music, just blow in it. Once you're finished, take the suntan lotion out and squirt it all over your face. Don't forget to close your eyes. Then grab a handful of that glitter stuff and throw it up into the air. Be dramatic about it and do a twirl as it falls. Walk away, find a new bus stop, do it all over again. Don't screw this up either. You're being recorded, we only have one shot at this, and the ad revenue from Youtube helps me pay for gas. No funny moves, no police. That's what you get for being so damn nosy. Now get out there and show me what you're made of!

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Credits:
All images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
"I'm still out looking for my mind. Have you seen it?"

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I am going to print a t-shirt that says 'I'm the Blowjob Fairy', just because of hit#10

Please make a blog post about it when it's ready and let me know. I'd love to see that shirt. LOL!

Will do! I'm just about to fly to Italy for my annual leave and there things are more expensive. When I'm back to Cambodia, in 20 days, will get it printed.
You will be so proud of me ^^

I will try to find that t-shirt you were talking about.

Where's hit #9?

Hit 9
Hit 8

Scroll through my blog. I'll organize it someday. I've been doing this for awhile.

Is this what the kids call potty humor, because at first I thought I seen a ghost dog but then I read the post, got confused, now I see three nuggets.

Since you brought it up though, for no reason, I'd like to give a plug to a service that sends poop to people for Bitcoin https://www.shitexpress.com/

Legit link

Do I have to send them my shit or do they have their own shit?

I fully do not know but I hope they provide their own otherwise what am I paying for really.

So that is what the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man looks like after being ray gunned by some Ghost Busters. I’ve always wonder this. I sure hope it does not cause any environmental hazards to the local ecosystem. Sounds like you have an impeccable team keeping an eye on things. One would be foolish to mess with them why you might end up in a Muon Trap.

I’m just glad that monster is not walking around anymore trying crush porta pottys. Three cheers for our heroes hippity hip hooray. Why that would have been an even bigger mess!

What do you mean "didn't dissolve as much as you thought he would"?
I thought I told you to use the green bottle if the white one didn't work right...

Yeah well I'm color blind so next time write some words on the damn thing. "Step 1, Step 2." Do I make your life hard? No! I don't!

But the green bottle, etches the coating off the tub!

Here you go killin' again... :D

Bit fucked up to specifically ask that a person be dissolved, yeah? But a job's a job. I'd say they deserve the mess.

That's what sets my business apart from the others. I take requests.

I love this image and the story that accompanies it is hilarious. At first my head went to a ghostly place but I think I like your thoughts better. Lol

It's too depressing to go dark and keep it there.

I laughted with the flute thing hahaha! Now that's something that they won't be expecting! Oh and I don't know but that "mission" was like the Saw movie or something haha

All of these It's Done posts end with a strange demand from a sinister being who likes to toy with people. So dark, but impossible to take seriously.

I see! That was a strange demand indeed and funny in some parts haha!

It always feels so nice to see other pitch-black-humored people! Makes me feel at home (and not that weird)!

The husband looks like a tampon... a used one!

Acts like a used tampon, too. That toilet plugged up numerous times. I called the plumber, he's in the trunk. Tried to charge me double and insisted if I paid, he'd stay quiet. Well, he got quiet for free.

You did the right thing! I never trust people who work on all four and leave their butt crack in common view...
Just don't leave him in there for too long, it's getting warmer. He'll start to stink.

I shoved a can of air freshener up his ass with the trigger taped down.

Sunblock and glitter...ah ha! Is this one of yours?

glitter.jpg

Fuck sakes... these things actually exist?

Nothing new under the sun...block...knee slapper!

"Your husband didn't dissolve as much as you thought he would" That made me laugh.

Same here. That's how you get the shock humor laugh when writing. Just dive right in.

Haha. Truth.

Now that was some hardcore emotional purge.............
There are those days that make me wonder about my sanity. I find them enjoyable.

Is it strange that the first thing I saw in this was a cute puppy?

The puppy is the lookout.... :)

Not at all!

I remember one of your recent posts when you mentioned “if I don’t have anything smart to say, or not stupid, I just say nothing” that’s where I’m right now. At least I can give you 100% of my 👍.

That’s what I call “ incredibly dark humor”!

i think you are still looking for your mind.

I hope I don't find it; I just got out of it!

better i turn off the lights for me not to be followed
click

What this is

😂😂😂😂

"If you have to ask you'll never know. If you know, you need only ask"
-Grey lady to Harry Potter

A birthday party.

@nonameslefttouse, you never cease to amaze me, been off for a while but you still got the jinx flowing. I have read the post but still confuse as usual

Hahaha that's really funny!!!

😂😂...im just glad you are here more

La imagen es de un animal no? jajaja estoy un poco confundido.

Surely the bad smell can be a fart.

Reminds me vaguely of a bachelorette party I attended last year, at least the glitter part. Sure, that's what I meant...

Boring engineer's remark: add high-concentration H2O2 to whatever acid you were using next time. Just saying.

BTW, nobody likes a whistle blower who does false advertising.