The Modern Festival Guide!

in funny •  7 years ago  (edited)

Since it's now the fashion to tag every festival with "Environmental" concerns, here's a ready reckoner for the rest of the year:

Happy Holi, but please use organic colours and don't use water!!
Happy Ganesh Chaturthi, but don't be loud, think of the dogs! Don't immerse the idol in water!
Happy Navaratri but don't be loud! Don't immerse the idol in water! [ooh, copy paste opportunity]
Happy Diwali, but don't burst crackers! Think of the air, think of the dogs!
Merry Christmas, tone down the lights, will ya? Electricity also uses water and/or coal.
Happy New Year, but don't burst crackers! [copy paste]
Happy Bakrid, goats are no dogs, but hey, could we spare them too?

[Okay, the last 3 don't really happen, but hey- I'm secular]

Forget about it all, when you take your car, or call an uber, or take that flight.
Because, of course, You would only do it if it was Very important and unavoidable, right? You are, of course, the Centre of the Universe.

All this fake self-righteousness!
A self-important camouflage for a colossal whine, caused by personal inconvenience to ones comfortable life.
That's what is underneath it all, really. External discomfort.

You mean it's possible to look INWARD too? :O
Whatever does that mean?!
And where can one go shout outrage if that causes discomfort?

Would a change.org petition work for it?

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