What would happen if the developers have built houses?

in funny •  8 years ago 

1.03. Hooray! We were offered a large contract to build a 12-storey residential building. All stormy enthusiasm. They drank to celebrate, 2 boxes of beer.

2.03. The customer does not like the expression "as soon as both at once." It requires name concrete terms. Dark, nothing about high technology.

3.03. We discussed possible. They drank three boxes of beer. Petrovic said that here all the work for 4 months. So actually 8. As a result, 12 recorded in the contract, while earlier than 16 hardly administration.

6.03. Petrovich went to take the bottle.

8.03. Celebrated on March 8th. Women in our company there, so nobody spoils the celebration.

2.04. Petrovic said that it is time to start working. they conspired, or what? Enclosed playground fence and hanged beautiful posters "Construction is the company" Allstrou "(www.allstrou.ru)." With a sense of accomplishment in playing Quake.

20.04. Came the customer, interested in, how are you doing. They put his Quake and let us all beat.

21.04. We discussed the project. Sidorov offers large-architecture. Petrovic insists that all must be built in the old, brick, un-lame. The most radical project offered Alex: build a few dozen wooden houses, and then connect them underground tunnels. The West is now so fashionable. It reminded him that the customer requires is a 12-storey building. They tried to solve the problem in a duel Quake. Alex with his cottages filled up right away, but between Petrovich and Sidorov got a draw. As a result, everyone will build on its plan, and then try to connect it all, so as not collapsed.

30.04. The first floor is ready! They show it to the customer. He wondered why different rooms in different ceiling height, why bricks are falling out of the walls and why the house is not the entrance and climb through the window falls. They explained to him that this special limited demo version. We leave for the holidays, be proud of yourself.

10.05. Petrovich sobered up first and swore a long time. We thought that Alex drank all the beer. It turned out worse, we forget about the foundation. The project, he, of course, is described, but after reading the documentation only lamer.

11.05. Broke the first floor. It's a shame, damn it.

11.07. Working. Petrovich completes the second floor, Sidorov - fifth. Alex otgrohal elevator shaft to the ninth floor, she in a strong wind swinging suspiciously. Temporarily put the wooden supports.

17.07. Alex is building the attic and roof. On the ground. Then raise the crane.

13.08. Sidorova have not joined the panel. The gap is more than meter. Sidorov called Petrovic, but he said that he had his affairs on a throat and without any knowledge of the internal architecture of the panels can not do anything.

14.08. Broke several panes to Petrovich could learn internal architecture. Petrovich cursing, shouting that designers panels - complete lamer.

17.08. Petrovich closed up the hole. However, the panel at the same time twitched, but it is a trifle. Wiring of the panels had both output and tie the knot. Petrovich shook tape unit and assures that would work if only the rain would not go.

1.09. Construction works released a new version of the panels, improved strength and insulation, with built-in wardrobe. However, neither in form nor in size, they are not compatible with previous and three times heavier. they even count on some architectures?

16.09. Alex came running, possessed by the idea. It proposes to make all the windows in the building resizable. He says, the customer will be dragged. They told him not to show off.

2.10. Petrovich got to the fifth floor. Gord is. We drew his attention to the fact that his wall is tilted at an angle of 40 degrees. He was cursing, shouting that we lamer and do not understand anything. Then he promised to think.

3.10. Came the customer. I asked why the wall is inclined at an angle of 40 degrees. They explained to him about the Coriolis force. He listened, then said that he, of course, in the construction business did not understand anything, but it does in the neighborhood is the same house, and there is a straight wall. Pancake. Then this idiot Alex blurted out with him about his mutable window. The customer, of course, caught fire and insists that they should do so. Double damn.

4.10. Alex asked whether all will have to deal for its windows. He says that there is no - if and standard panels have such undocumented function.

5.10. Petrovic admitted that the wall is really a problem. He says it is wrong to put some bricks. But to understand what it is, you have to go through them all. To put it all to demolish and build anew.

6.10. Petrovic convince that build anew from bricks he did not have time. Showed his calculations on a calculator. Petrovich was cursing, shouting that the calculator came up lamer. Then he still agreed to build the panels and left with sorrow in booze.

8.10. They demolished the brick portion. Along the way, damaging the panel. The whole building creaks and wobbles alarmingly. Strengthened wooden props and went to play Quake.

17.10. Petrovich went out of hard drinking. Working.

7.11. Celebrate on November 7 - or as it there is now called? Communists in our company there, so nobody spoils the celebration.

15.11. We remembered that we tap only gets up to 8 floors. Sent Sidorov to get a new faucet. Playing in Quake. Alex Petrovic soaked. There is a growing shift!

24.11. Returned Sidorov. Crane is not pulled, but pulled out a sharp shovel. It proposes to dig a deep pit and build a house not in height, and depth. He says that nowhere in the contract does not say that the 12 floors have to be above the surface. Barely dissuaded.

25.11. Brainstorm on the crane problem. The last bottle of beer found a solution. Cast rough construction. Building next to the 4-storey house. Then drag our tap him on the roof.

25.12. Celebrating Catholic Christmas. Catholics in our company there, so nobody spoils the celebration.

14.01. I do not remember. My head hurts. Guys, what year?

2.02. Well, it seems, finally finish building the 12th floor. Tomorrow will fit on top of the attic and the roof that Alex built.

3.02. Alex - lamer. The roof moves down on a regular basis. While backed by crane. We think what to do next.

4.02. Alex proves that he is not guilty. Just 12 floors Sidorov 4 meters higher and 5 meters wider than the 12 Petrovic floors. It turned out that they were built of different panels. But Alex still lamer, because his roof does not fit any of the options. His elevator shaft, by the way, too.

5.02. Latali, strengthen and build the roof. Petrovich says he will stay, if the snow will not go.

7.02. Snow went.

10.02. Erecting a roof made of plywood, painted under the plate. Hopefully, the customer will not notice.

11.02. Tested elevator. His fall stop between floors, but you can get out of the cab. On even floors by crawling, on odd - pulling. Do not forget to describe it in the documentation.

12.02. But in fact the lift goes very slowly. Petrovich scolds all lamer and is going to do the optimization.

13.02. Petrovich has optimized the elevator. He was dispersed, through the roof and left in an unknown direction. Well, the roof plywood and repair will be easy. After that elevator shaft collapsed. They remembered that and did not replace the wooden supports for something more solid. Nothing. Walking distance useful.

15.02. Go finishing work. Somehow, somewhere disappear painters and plasterers. We arrange to have sent more.

17.02. It was found that due to errors Sidorov door floors on the second to the sixth input opening only. As a result, these floors have accumulated a lot of painters and plasterers who can not go back. Sidorov promised to fix everything. While feeding the painters and plasterers through the vents.

20.02. Alex finally completed the changing your windows. We were tested. It was found that when the window is resized it beat the glass. Furthermore, there is a number of side effects. For example, in the living room of one apartment can enter the toilet and tub in another. Also sometimes doors disappear and balconies crumble. Complaining about stroykombinat useless - they say that there is nothing to use undocumented functions.

21.02. Came the customer. Asked whether to make small changes in the project can not be. In particular, instead of the 12-storey build a village of wooden houses, connected by tunnels. He read that the West is now so fashionable. Alex was neutralized before he could open his mouth, and politely but firmly explained to the customer that he is wrong.

22.02. Balconies continue to crumble, though mutable window we no longer touch. Apparently this is some sort of independent glitch. What to look for it is too late, so just ripped the remaining balconies from sin. Let's try to explain to the customer that this is done in order to optimize.

23.02. Celebrated on 23 February. Military in our company there, so nobody spoils the celebration. Women are also not so presents us no one gave. It's a shame.

25.02. Alex tried to finish his window. As a result, half of them shrank to zero size and back does not expand. I told him to show off no longer, and it will be even worse.

27.02. They remembered that and forgot to make a staircase. Wondered if the house would collapse if cut through it now. Sidorov said that it is better not to risk it. Petrovich called him a lamer and agreed. Do not forget to describe the documentation input through a window as a design feature.

1.03. By March 1-like ?! How ?! Yesterday, more ... Damn. Who knew that this lame February 28 days! So, object delivery - not in a week, and the next day ?!

2.03. Abraham did. We work 24 hours a day, without waking up.

3.03. Convince the customer that we need another day for final testing. Hmm, well we were yesterday, and have gained ... But in general, is not so scary. Well, what with the fact that some doors are in the floor or ceiling, or are from the tenth floor directly on the street, in some of the apartments, in principle, impossible to get a bathroom in some places combined with the kitchen, in the side of the house there is no water, the other half - electricity, sewer breaks on the sixth floor and the stairs between the eighth and the ninth had to make a rope? The main thing - the right to hold a customer itinerary. And yet - to have time until tomorrow to hang out on the site of the missing windows pictures zaokonnyh landscapes ...

4.03. Yes! Yes! We did it! We note the surrender of the object. I drink a little, I still have time to leave before this collapse fuck the hell ...

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