My Disaster Day (A Comic-Tragedy)

It was just one of those days where the universe was bored and was looking to have some fun by screwing with me over and over again.

The day started with the telltale signs that it was gonna be a “different” day. I was fast asleep when the sound of the alarm clock pierced my brain. I opened my eyes and reached for it. In the process, I knocked my glass of water on the nightstand and it fell to the ground making a crashing sound that startled me. 

Still in bed, I tapped on the alarm clock to make it stop its incessant noise, but the damned thing just wouldn’t shut up. After trying for a second, a third and a fourth time, the animal in me woke up and I angrily threw the clock at the opposite wall to end its story once and for all. As soon as I threw it, I realised that I had made a mistake. It was about to hit the T.V.! 

Now, I could either stop it in midair by magically becoming The Flash, or I could just watch what would happen. Evidently, I chose to do the second. I watched as the alarm clock hit the TV screen shattering it where it had hit it. 

The alarm clock did stop buzzing though! I then added “Buy an alarm clock” and “Buy a TV” to my shopping list. What a start to the morning, right? It gets better!

After cleaning up the broken glass pieces, I headed to the toilet and as I was taking a dump, I noticed that there was enough toilet paper left for that day. I thought that my luck was finally getting better and with a smile I finished my business. 

Then I proceeded to brush my teeth. But instead of using the toothpaste, I used the shaving cream. It tasted weird. Really weird. I made a note to self: Do not place these two tubes together. 

So after finishing brushing my teeth, I reached for the mouth wash and poured some into my mouth. It was only after a few seconds did I realise that it was not the mouth wash, it was hair oil! I immediately threw up and then threw up some more. “Am I turning blind? Why am I mixing things up?” I asked myself. 

I even checked my eyes in the mirror. But the vision was fine. It almost seemed like my reflection was telling me what an idiot I was and laughing at me. But maybe that was just in my mind.

So, next I wanted to take a shower as I was already getting late for work. As I was in the middle of my bath, I heard my phone ring which was in my room. I suddenly remembered that I had to call my boss about the details of a meeting that day but had forgotten to. Maybe that was him. 

As I was hurrying out of the shower, I slipped and fell on the ground! “Bloody hell!” I cried out loud. But the call was important and my boss was….well…he was a condescending jerk. I hurriedly ran to my room and picked up my phone only to find out that it was some telemarketer! 

After saying some things that I am not proud of, to the telemarketer, I felt like throwing my phone too but I remembered what had happened to my TV earlier and didn’t want to add one more item to my shopping list. So, I finished showering and sat down with my breakfast. Then I quickly got ready to head to work.

The fastest way to work for me was the subway. So I walked to the subway station only to find that it was closed for the day. So I decided to take the cab. Midway, the cab stops, due to a flat tire. The cab driver told me that he had no tools to fix the tyre. 

So I took another cab from there. Ten minutes in and believe it or not I got into an accident. It was only a minor one and so I sustained no injuries. The culprit was another cab driver who seemed drunk. He began arguing violently with my cab driver. As the discussion started to heat up, I quickly snuck away. I had no time for all that crap. 

I walked the rest of the way to work and nearly averted two pigeons trying to take a dump on me. And given my luck that day, I wondered how they missed! As I almost there, a random dog started to chase me and I had to run the rest of the way. “What do you want with me Uinverse?” I screamed within!

Anyways, I reached my cubicle all sweaty and frustrated. Everyone started looking at me like I had just crawled out of bed. So, I went to the washroom and quickly freshened up. Then I went to my boss’s cabin meaning to talk about a really important meeting that day for which I had been working hard for two weeks. 

But as soon as I mentioned the word “meeting”, he casually told me that it was cancelled and the clients have withdrawn their proposal. I couldn’t believe what was happening and I went to my cubicle feeling disappointed. Two weeks of work down in the drain. 

And the worst of all, my boss said it like it didn’t even matter to him. I spent the rest of the day plotting his murder in my head. I knew I wouldn’t do it but it was fun killing him again and again in my head. What fun!

At lunch time, I started talking to this really beautiful girl named Jenny, who had joined office only recently. I thought, with everything that had been going wrong that day, it would be a good change. Surprisingly she seemed into me and we started to have a nice conversation. We are both drinking coffee and really hitting it off. 

I was feeling hungry and wanted to take my lunch out of the fridge but in excitement I didn’t see where I was going and slipped on a banana peel. I fell down with a thud and the coffee spilled all over me. Thankfully it was just hot enough for me to tolerate, but I was drenched in coffee and I saw that Jenny was laughing at me. Although it didn’t happen, I was imagining her telling me, “You suck! Go home loser!” 

With an awkward silence, I left for the washroom. I cleaned myself up but the coffee stains were still there. What happened was too embarrassing for me. Any other day and that wouldn’t have happened. But that day, devil was at play. I really didn’t want to work any more that day so I left early.

It was 5 in the evening when I reached home. I just threw myself at the sofa feeling tired, disappointed and overall confused at how the day had gone. But alas! The devilry was still at play. As soon as I landed on the sofa, one of the sofa’s leg broke off. I started laughing. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening! Silently, I reached for my phone, and added “repair sofa” to my to-do list.

After a quick dinner, I figured, maybe if I go to sleep, all this would be over. That, my bad luck would end the moment I fell asleep. The universe couldn’t screw with me if I was asleep, could it? So I went to bed and given my tired state of mind and body, I almost immediately fell asleep. But just 5 minutes later, the sound of a jackhammer pierced my brain. 

I woke up to find that it was actually the alarm clock ringing. The glass of water was there. The TV was fine, the sofa was fine too. It was all just a dream!