There’s a lot of confusion these days about how to properly annoy other human beings online.

Many experts have written extensively on this topic, but I have been actively researching the myriad ways to annoy people online for over a decade. I’ve definitely spent the requisite 10,000 hours mastering this subject. But don’t take my word for it, the I-Smell-BS Research Institute in Swamisville, Florida has confirmed my findings in their seminal report titled, 10 Best Practices For Annoying People Online As A Side Hustle.

This report solidified my own findings, but for limited attention purposes, I will cover the 4 best methods in a condensed, easily digestible way, categorized by social media site. Below you'll find the recommended actions to take for maximum annoyance of people online.

FACEBOOK

The easiest and most surefire way to annoy people on Facebook is to attack, degrade and devalue people’s political, religious or philosophical beliefs.

You can do this the next time someone you know posts a long diatribe that explains in depth why they believe the things they believe. Craft your message with laser-sharp precision, specifically attacking the very things they hold dear to their heart. By doing this, you will provoke extreme feelings of pain, anger and resentment in people on Facebook. You will know you succeeded when your Facebook friend unfriends you.
Added bonus: your friend blocks you.

A real-life equivalent would be: your friend comes over to your house and has a meltdown in which he/she explains in great detail why he/she is feels so strongly about a certain topic. In response, you just say, “That’s stupid.” You probably won’t be friends anymore. Congratulations, you just succeeded in annoying a human being to the point they no longer want to have anything to do with you.

TWITTER

Most people have no idea how to use Twitter.

Even fewer people understand how to use Twitter for maximum annoyance impact. Annoying people on Twitter is surprisingly easy and straightforward and requires very little effort on your part. You can get started today.

Here’s what you need to do:

the next time someone follows you on Twitter, follow them back, then immediately send them a private message on Twitter. Here’s a sample message:

Hey, thanks for the follow. I just finished building my website, www.ISmellBSResearch.com and I’d love it if you signed up for my newsletter so I can spam your email inbox. Click here for your free introductory newsletter that is full of BS. Sign up or continue being Stupid.

If you’re lucky, this message should result in an immediate unfollow. If you’re super lucky, the Twitter user you just messaged will block you as well.

STEEMIT

Steemit.com is a very new website unlike any other mega social media site.

If Facebook was community-owned, rewarding you for posting and not selling your personal data to advertisers, you’d get something like Steemit. I’ve been on the site for 8 months so I understand very well how to annoy people on this platform.

Here’s what you need to do:

Write a super lame post with no formatting, no pictures and very little information. Write it using terrible grammar and don’t use any spell check tools. Don’t have anyone look over your post to find errors or give you feedback. The next step is to go on Steemit.chat and send a message to all the whales and dolpins.

Here’s a sample message:

Hey, check out my post and upvote it: https://steemit.com/steemicide/@stellabelle/super-future-tag-trendolizer-video

After you’ve done that, post your link in all the Steemit chat rooms, even ones that have nothing to do with post promotion. Rinse, Repeat. In no time, you will have annoyed more people than you can count.

Another surefire way to annoy people on Steemit is to flag people’s posts and comments for no reason whatsoever. This will result in your reputation getting lowered, which is a great indicator of your success in achieving maximum annoyance impact. You’ll really know you’ve succeeded at maximum annoyance techniques when people start using the mute button on you or your posts become hidden and greyed out.

LINKEDIN

If stuffy, uptight social media is your game, then look no further than LinkedIn.com.

Here you will find tons of articles about success, moving up the corporate ladder and how to pick your nose at work without getting caught. It’s not widely known, but there are couple of surefire ways to annoy people on this social media platform.

Here’s what you need to do:

The next time you’re looking for a new job, find out who the CEO of the company you want to work for is. Immediately send the CEO a LinkedIn request. If the CEO doesn’t accept your invitation, then send requests to the upper management until one does accept your invitation. Right after he/she has accepted your invitation, send him/her a desperate message begging for a job at his/her company. Make your message unbearably long to ensure that he/she doesn’t read it. Also, make it look like a copy/paste job, to add a super impersonal touch.

You can also send out a mass private message campaign to all your Linkedin contacts.

Here’s a sample message:

Hey, how are you? I’m hosting a 3-day seminar called I-Smell-BS-Everywhere next month and I’d like to offer you a one-time discount of $399. Regular price is $599, but if you redeem in the next 24 hours, you’ll get the discounted price. Call 1-800-IAM-APOS or visit online www.ISmellBSResearch.com. See ya at the seminar!

Make sure and don’t add a ‘thank you’ or any names, thereby ensuring that it’s super impersonal. Also, using ‘hey’ is totally unprofessional and will immediately insult most business people. The idea is to make it as generic as possible so that the recipient realizes he/she just received pre-formatted, mass message spam. Also, mentioning prices in the body of the message is a good way to ensure that the recipient distrusts any message from you in the future.

Both of these methods are guaranteed to annoy the recipients in a maximum way and you might even be lucky enough to get blocked.

Getting blocked is the ultimate prize, so when you do, you’ll know you’re well on your way to complete mastery of annoying people online.

If you have any tips for Reddit users, please add your ideas in the comments below. Good luck to you and may you find boundless success in your earnest attempts to annoy people online in the future.

Your guide in achieving mastery over annoying people online,

Kris Kunt
MBA and Founder of ISmellBSResearch.com

All images from Unsplash.