For most of my adult life I've had really long hair.
Being in a relationship with @sammosk who has equally as long of hair as mine, but curly, has proved to be problematic in the hair department.
Anyone that has grown their hair out knows of the struggles that come with obscenely long locks. But now these problems are doubled. And new ones have arisen with having a long-haired partner.
Let's take a look at some of our struggles:
#1. Oh my god, we're out of shampoo AGAIN?
For fuck's sake, we go through more shampoo and conditioner than a lone wookiee would in a week. We have ended up resorting to buying industrial sized bottles.
The biggest ones that stores carry. With the pumps on them.
And yet, we still run out every three weeks. It is an expensive and ridiculous problem. Not to mention, the tub, ourselves, and everything around is always slick as shit from conditioner.
One of us is gonna slip and die one day.
#2. The Trouble with Tribbles.
I used to think that I made bad hairballs by myself. Little did I know that it could be so much worse.
Everywhere we inhabit is overrun with little monstrosities tucked into the corners, rolling across the floor, and getting stuck in the wheels of anything that moves.
I cannot tell you how many fights we have had about who's hair is the primary source of the current problematic tribble stuck in or on something.
We have love tumbleweeds just rolling through. You get used to it.
#3. Where's the fucking hair brush?!
In the months we have been together in person we have bought numerous brushes. Detangler brushes, conditioner brushes, wet brushes, boar hair brushes, nit combs for removing dandruff...
Brushes the size of our heads so we can't misplace them.
We've had car brushes and bathroom brushes and bedroom brushes and living room brushes and travel brushes.
And yet every single one grows legs and runs off to brush unicorn manes in another dimension or something. If they don't escape their horrible existence of attempting to tame our hair, they get broken.
Forget losing socks, THIS is the bane of our personal existence.
I hope someday to find a pile of missing brushes à la Smaug.
"Sammo, what do your elf eyes see?"
"ALL... except for a bloody brush."
#4. "Your hair is in my mouth."
"Ditto."
When we embrace or lay in bed, one or both of us will end up with a mouth full of hair.
Or whacked in the face.
Or smothering in it.
Or laying on each other's hair and inadvertently pulling it and hurting each other.
Forget trying to have a romantic kiss that doesn't involve at least one of us with a chunk of mane getting in on the action. It is an unrealistic expectation and we've learned to live with it.
There is also nothing like waking up in the middle of the night to pull hair out of your mouth. Or from around your neck.
I swear some of them are becoming malicious and sentient. They are fighting for territory. Unbeknownst to us, our hair is feuding in some kind of silent war.
Someday I fully suspect one or both of us is going to cough up a hairball.
And finally, #5. OIls and bottles and brushes, oh my.
The amount of hair product that we go through is ridiculous.
But the amount that we own is even more insane.
Four different kinds of shampoos and conditioners. For when we want volume. When we need to detangle. Perhaps for dandruff. Need some extra shine.
The number of hair ties we have broken, used until worthless, or lost completely could probably tie the Titanic back together.
We should buy stock in Argan. A tiny drop will do you, but forget it when you both have thick, thirsty hair.
If we made public how much oil we own, America would try to invade us.
Our locks may smell fabulous but what people don't know about is all of the clothing and fabric we've ruined attempting to oil and brush out a tangled mess.
This post has received a 50.00 % upvote from @sharkbank thanks to: @sammosk.
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I just had to explain why I was laughing aloud in a restaurant.
But these hair problems. I know them intimately.
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HAHAHA! I hope people stared!
Do you have a hairbrush and/or hair tie graveyard as well?
It is truly a problem. It is kind of worth it, but sometimes, you consider grabbing the kitchen shears and just going full-on-unsupervised- toddler on the shit.
But then you have a good hair day and the cycle of love-hate starts again!
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I am lucky in that my hair is stick straight and does not eat hairbrushes (however, it won't hold a curl for love nor money. I don't know what else to sacrifice to the hair gods to get it to curl)
My hair tie graveyard is filled with the hapless corpses of "ties designed for thick hair". Liiiiiiiiiies.
I actually own a pair of hair shears. Which is actually a terrible idea because I have attacked my own hair a couple of times with them. And then did the walk of shame into a hairdresser, who struggles to maintain her professionalism while I explain "why yes, I did do this to myself. Please fix me"
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I’m always out of conditioner. There is never enough conditioner .
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Amazon should start selling drums of it. 10/10 would buy.
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So true !
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I don't even know what to make of your respective hairs, I don't recall having quite that much dramas back when i had hair XD And sounds like you need an industrial pump bottle EACH not to share :O
Laughed so hard at the oil invasion comment, I'm glad I'm at home as I wouldn't have been able to keep that one silent XD
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Ha! I am glad you liked the oil invasion comment! I chuckled quite a bit at my own joke there so I am glad that you found it as funny!
Man, I always have issues when my hair is super long. I don't know if you saw the post about my date... but...
https://steemit.com/funny/@stitchybitch/when-stitchy-tries-to-date
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Quandary - now you have me questioning my decision to return to long hair after alternating long, very short, longish, short - now JUST long enough to catch back in a half pony tail. And the conditioner on the shower tiles - I make the most use of a hand grab held on by suction. Please reassure me that it is all worth it! Long hair is lovely!
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You got a 2.15% upvote from @postpromoter courtesy of @stitchybitch!
Want to promote your posts too? Check out the Steem Bot Tracker website for more info. If you would like to support the development of @postpromoter and the bot tracker please vote for @yabapmatt for witness!
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Oh my God!! I have laughed myself senseless. Now I don't know what to say.
Upped and steemed
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I'm going to have to try later to resteem. It does not want to cooperate.
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