Decided not to go to any recent concerts. From money and tied to conflict with friend associates. There are drug issues with the younger friends. Finally got it through my head not to support them in that in any way. I made a mistake to telling them about a upcoming show. I cut one of them off from my phone cause they wanted to use the btc I sold them for the dark web and I didn't agree with that. Ravers and their chemicals you know, fuck them. So my friends tell this friend who I cut off a month back about this show I want to go to. So he becomes a smart ass buying a ticket for me when I never asked. Then sent me a message from a phone I didn't block with a btc address saying hes selling tickets. I told them all to get fucked. It made me very upset. They act like smart asses and I really wanted to go to that show. But when the event is tainted from the inception I have to say no. And that's what that drug talk and culture does when hyped - sabotages friendships, life, everything.
I had a short nap after saying what was said to the friend over text. I sprayed it out like graffiti. I wasn't the best. I flipped out. But I was able to say I didn't want to dance around the clown vibe around drugs any more! Or support it in any way. When I awoke from the nap my hand looked allot more healed and better! They fluctuate with dry eczema skin and blisters. I never had that condition before last year! I had it first time last march! It's inflammation from stress and too much isolation. I've felt alienated in my life time. I want to calm down more in ways and stay straight about the aversion I have towards darkened social life. Stay on the sunny side of morbid! It's surprising how many old behavioral habits I still have. To stay a bit more lucid instead of letting things happen in a way.
I noticed the icy feeling of the eczema. I have felt cold electric body energy before. I think it got trapped in my hands when undergoing allot of stress and emo turmoil. Now that I am more aware of it I think I can disperse that energy more throughout the body. Sometimes feel it in the abdomen like a Kundalini trip. That thought is healing the hands too already. I told myself that is what I wanted. To heal my hands up by springtime. It's work and sometimes a battle to keep up the good vibe. That's why I have to continue to stay away from old friends with their problems for now. OOh, I am able to start to relax again. Still gotta beware of crabs in the bucket scenario and not be my own crab of my own or others either.