What do you do when you can't decide what to do with your life?
Not because nothing inspires you, but because everything does...
It started when I was asked my favorite color in grade school. When the other students shouted out "pink" "green" or "blue!" I couldn't help but think, they're all pretty and cool, why choose just one? When my teachers asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I never had an answer but that wasn't weird to me. What was weird was all the 8 year olds convinced they had careers in emergency services and banking. That's weird.
No one feels like they fit in in Jr. high school. And I was no exception. But by the time I got to high school I fit in everywhere, even with the outcasts! Not because I was cool or anything, but because identified with everyone on their level, spoke their language, and genuinely felt the things they were feeling. Now I felt like a weirdo.
As for activities I found myself torn between performing in jazz band, ditching class to surf, playing soccer, science (physics of black holes and quarks etc.), and even spells of extreme disinterest from everything, like a true slacker degenerate "IDGAF" attitude. So I knew wasn't an A-type over achiever who was gonna become a surgeon by 28, but I was something. Something much more confusing...
I was concerned I had some sort of personality disorder, but after visits with shrinks I was assured I was normal. I wasn't like any of my friends but "normal?"
In hindsight I was just a kid who wanted to learn everything and to be with other fun people, didn't matter what or who as long as it was inspiring and they were good to me. But hindsight doesn't take away the pain of adolescence. At least not from where I currently experience the world.
But with college looming and the pressure to find my niche and map out the rest of my life I made the decision to choose just one thing, and to do that one thing better than anyone else.
What is that one thing, and how is that going?
Check out blogpost 2 for those answers.
-Oneracingthesun