Agricola (Do I have to do this one?)

What do I think of Agricola?
I hate it. It's the second worst game in the world, by my standards, only slightly less hated than Settlers of Catan (thankfully that is an 'S' game and I have long way to get there).

Why do I own Agricola if I hate it so much?
Well (try to be objective here), it's not a bad game. I just can't grasp the game play mechanics. Mainly hand management. There are a lot of hand management games, but Agricola I find is the worst.
There are 2 ways to deal out the 7 Occupation and minor Improvement cards. Just deal out 7 of each and that's that or drafting. You have your 7 Occupations, you select one and pass the rest, doing this until you have 7 cards; then repeat with the Minor Improvements.
The First Player token ONLY moves if someone takes the First Player action space which I can find no logical use for except when you get screwed from doing an action for a couple rounds then you waste an action to go first the next round so you can take that action.
There is so much going on in this game; hand management, resource management, worker placement, first-come actions; I just find it hard. I do "enjoy" playing it, but I try not to because I know by Round 10 I want to walk away. I then start being that jerk who takes actions spaces just to prevent and block others from playing the game because that's how cornered I feel.

As for the age rating, extensive reading, extensive critical strategy and thinking, pre-planning actions, and praying your opponents don't get in the way...14+ makes sense. They do have a family friendly version by flipping a few cards over, so maybe 12 at the youngest.
And the game does not take 30 minutes per player unless you're all experienced. It can take 3-4 hours with 5-players and some times more.

You want to see me at my worst? Let's play Agricola. This is my table flip game.

Am I done yet? No? le sigh

What is and How to: Agricola
"Central Europe, around 1670 AD. The Plague which has raged since 1348 has finally been overcome. The civilized world is revitalized. People are upgrading and renovating their huts. Fields must be plowed, tilled and harvested. The famine of the previous years has encouraged people to eat more meat (a habit we continue to this day). -Intro from Rulebook-

The game is played over 14 rounds, with 1-5 players, and (according to the box) for 30minutes per player. It is age rated for 14+.

The game is setup by placing the required cards on the four (4) main game boards, as well as a few tokens to start the game.

Wood, Clay, Stone, Reed, Grain, Vegetables, Sheep, Pigs, Cattle, and Food are the tokens used in this game.
Wood, Clay, and Stone huts and Fields are the tiles used on the player boards.
Fences, Stables, and People are the wooden markers used during the game.
Occupation, Minor and Major Improvements, Stage (round), Action, and Begging are the cards played through the game.

Each player receives a Farm board, two (2) Wood huts, two (2) starting People, seven (7) Occupation cards, seven (7) Minor Improvement cards, three (3) Food (two (2) Food for the starting player).

I hate this game. Do I really have to write this one up...no, but it's next alphabetically...oh ok.
Yeah, I'm not crazy.

Each Round is played in 4 Phases.

1. Reveal new Round card.
2. Replenish and add new tokens to the spaces.
3. Players in turn order will place their People markers on different actions. No two (2) People markers can be on the same action card unless another card gives such ability.
   "People" markers are actually called Person or Family in the instructions.
   -Actions allow you to gather resources;
   -Fences allow you to hold more than 1 animal;
   -Stables double the amount of animals that can be held in a pasture;
   -Building new huts give more room for more Family markers, which means more actions;
   -Plowing allows Grain and Vegetables to be planted and thus reaped;
   -Occupation cards are used for benefits;
   -Improvement Cards are used for benefit and often add to end game points.
4. After every player has carried out their actions, the Family markers are removed.
   Phase 1-4: wash, rinse, and repeat with 6 exceptions.

After the end of rounds 4, 7, 9, 11, 13, and 14 there is a "Harvest".
During this Harvest

1. Remove one (1) Grain or Vegetables from a sown field.
2. Feed the family. Each Family marker requires two (2) Food tokens. Any failure to produce or feed them results in one (1) Begging card for each food. Each Begging card is worth -3 points at the end of the game and there is no manner to dispose of them once you get them. You're reputation is tarnished forever; well, until the game goes back in the box.
3. Breeding. For every two (2) or more Sheep, Pigs, or Cows respectively receive one (1) additional of the animal type.

The game ends after the 14th Round and the 6th Harvest.

Scoring points means have stuff, losing points means not having stuff. In most cases, having one (1) of something is worth 2 points because you will not receive -1 for having nothing; the exception is Fields where 2 are required for gaining 1 point and 1 or 0 Fields is worth -1 point.

OK. Am I done NOW?!?!

Oh. The last 3 pages give you a run down of all the available Occupation and Minor Improvement cards.