The Worst Controller Ever Made - Rerez

A lot of people have asked me what the worst gamepad is that I’ve ever used. And it’s an easy question to answer because I own one. I keep it in an unmarked bag off in the far corner of the deepest depths of my basement. Because I hate looking at the thing. It looks like a fever dream. It looks like Edgar Allan Poe drank a bunch of absinthe then took a trip to Japan and came back and sketched in his notebook what a nightmare looked like. This is the most disgusting and craziest looking controller I’ve ever seen. And it was created by Philips, the same people who made the CD-i. This is just as bad as the CD-i. It’s called the PS2 Freaks Ninja Gamepad and it’s the most disgusting controller I’ve ever seen.

Right off the top holding this controller sucks. At the bottom there are two talons that dig into the palms of your hands. And if you manage to move your palms out of the way they dig into your fingers. They’re not sharp enough to cut you but they’re pointy and aren’t comfortable. And the entire controller kind of feels the same way. There’s a bunch of grooves and bumps everywhere and it just doesn’t feel good in your hands. The thumbsticks are too close together and have these weird designs on them that look like dragons. They’re also slippery so that’s good. The D-pad isn’t on a flat surface and there’s all these raised parts of the controller that make it hard to hold your direction down all the way. And when you do manage to do that it doesn’t really feel comfortable. And what they did with the action buttons, instead of using the traditional triangle, circle, square and X, is they used different Japanese calligraphy. The shoulder buttons are also in a weird place but the weirdest part is that it has glowing demon eyes and these eyes are your Start, Select and Analog switch buttons. Now in case any of you were thinking up to this point that you would really want one of these, I’m here to say uou absolutely do not want one. Because if you do you have to live with it constantly staring at you with its freaky glowing eyes.

This damn thing is a horrible controller to own. It sucks as a controller and it looks really weird. I mean sure I guess if you want to have something that looks like a gremlin that you tossed battery acid at then this is the controller for you. But for everybody else that would like a controller that actually works as a controller then this is one to stay away from. I really hate this thing and to be honest this is the one controller in my entire collection that I would love to throw out. But I can’t. It would probably find its way back home.

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