On Grief

Today I wore two wedding sets. The one on my left hand is from my current husband. The one on the right I wore to honor my first husband, who passed away almost four years ago.

The surprising part was that -- well, I had forgotten that it was our anniversary. If my brother hadn't mentioned it, I wouldn't have noticed at all.

Grief was, and still is to some degree, very real. Sheldon was my husband for 3.5 years, and he had become my very best friend. Losing him was absolutely the hardest, most painful thing in my whole life. So much trauma.

But now here I am, barely 4 years later, forgetting our anniversary.

I don't really understand grief. How could the most horrific and life-altering event of my life seem so far away only 4 years later? I'll tell you: I don't know. But I will share a few things with you.

First, God is my healer. He carried me through my days of ripping grief. He has led my heart to places of healing. People say time is a healer. No, I am pretty sure God is.

Second, there doesn't need to be any guilt associated with lessening pain. Grief is a tool to get the hurting heart to a place of wholeness. When I start forgetting important dates, I will simply be thankful. It's not disloyalty; it's a sign that I'm becoming whole again.

Third, I am honoring my Sheldon by moving forward and finding meaning in life beyond the special times we had together. I am also honoring my Ryan and the commitment we have together by embracing the Now, not just living in the Past and the What Might Have Been.

And now I'll take the rings off my right hand and tell them goodbye until the next July 24th.