Finding Comfort in the Uncomfortable

It’s funny how two words that mean the exact opposite of each other can have a residual affect when used cohesively. Today I was reminded just how important it is to find that balance…to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. I know just today being reminded of this has changed something in me I will carry forever. We are told from a young age (hopefully!) to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. To apologize to those we have hurt or own up to the mistakes we have made and how they have affected those around us.

Never has this been more apparent to me than in the last few months just how much control we really do have over our lives, just by simply having control over our thoughts about them. A few months back I was fired from a job that I held for a few years. Looking back on my life decisions and what I thought may happen to me, getting fired was never on that list. So you can imagine how devastated I felt when this actually happened. There were many contributing factors that went into the decision of me getting fired, at least I hope there were some that were of sound logic, but none of those reasons were ever expressed to me.

When asking the apparently impossible question to answer, why was I let go, the answer given was not so detailed and extremely vague. Now reading this you may think that I am bitter about this event and still holding on to some anger, you would be correct. I am still sorting through those emotions obviously as this just happened a few months ago, maybe writing this blog will help! This job I held was definitely the most challenging job thus far but also the most rewarding, and because of this fact it was hard for me to let go and say goodbye to all the people I love and talked to everyday. The work I was involved in was amazing, however some outside resources I had to use to do my job were extremely frustrating to deal with and pushed me to my limits every day.

It took on a whole new meaning to being kind to those that you really just want to punch in the face. Today after talking to a friend about the always occurring show of my life “hitting the snooze button and being late to work”, that the thought of having control over our thoughts really dawned on me. This thought dawned on me for something as simple as changing your thoughts in the morning so you can make it into work on time. Instead of making it an emotional event, waking up angry and frustrated, separate the emotion from the event to accomplish the goal. Don’t shoot down the goal first thing in the morning with negativity.

Now I was taught at a young age that taking responsibility for your actions is important, but lets face it those lessons came to us in times of yelling at your sister or stealing a $1 from your mom’s wallet. It’s hard at that age or even as you get older to recognize that this lesson is applied to every aspect of your life, even the events that are much harder and more difficult to realize when something is actually your fault. Being fired without knowing the actual reason was difficult enough, dealing with the confusion afterwards was just torture. I was always inclined growing up to be the first one to admit when I made a mistake.

One year for christmas I decided that I wanted the sweater my sister got instead of the one I knew my parents got me, because I always liked my sister’s things better. So I gently unwrapped my sisters box, still keeping the integrity of the wrapping, and wore this sweater to school the next day. Panicked the entire day at school that I would spill something on it I decided as soon as I got home to put the sweater back in its box and under the tree. A few weeks went by and I was consumed with guilt that one night I confessed to my mother what I had done, and all she could do was laugh.

As I really look back on the many choices I made while in this job I now really understand that ultimately what happened had everything to do with me and myself only. Any outside factors I thought were the reasons that led to getting fired didn’t matter, all that mattered was how I reacted to them. Every choice you ever make has a rippling effect, with rings that spread out so wide its almost impossible to see how far they reach.

While making these said decisions and allowing myself to be consumed with frustration and anger I made choices at work that harmed my image and forced my company to let me go. I tied my own two hands together with cuffs and threw the keys away. Going back to my original statement in the beginning, it was quite uncomfortable dealing with the confusion of being fired and the many hurts that came with it. There is no growth in being comfortable. The days that you feel the most uncomfortable with yourself are actually open invitations to look within yourself to see something greater, something that was missing, something that is now present to replace something that needed to leave.

The few months after being fired, left with nothing but those emotions, were rough but I learned something that was worth the pain. I learned just how much control we really do have over our lives and our happiness with simply changing our thoughts. How learning to be comfortable in the uncomfortable will resonate strength within ourselves that will last a lifetime.