It's just that i fear if i become content with my current unsatisfying present, i'll never want to move forward. I'm just scared of settling out of convenience not actual happiness. 
If you are asking for self hate and doubt you receive just that. The cycle will be repeated until you realize what needs to change. Autumn is the beginning of death. We must allow the process of this to prepare for winter, the stillness & death is needed for rejuvenation in spring. Allowing change and newness to unfold as it is meant to be.
If you fight this process, you will continue to die until you choose to live again. 