The difference between anger and catharsis

Behind all self sabotaging behaviour there is suppressed anger. As anger is a self-preservation instinct, of which purpose is to create safety through defending your boundaries. Because it is a self preservation instinct it can't never be toxic, things can't be healthy and toxic at the same time.

When a healthy thing expressed becomes in some way toxic it is no longer an expression of the same thing. In the case of anger when it is expressed and it becomes toxic or damaging for you or the people around you it is a catharsis not anger.

A catharsis is a way to vent of the energy behind your anger without accomplishing the actual purpose of expressing anger. Catharsis can take a lot of forms: from violence, rage, addictions, dysfunctional relationships, sadism and masochism etc.

There is a great quote from Aristotle: "Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."

All expression of catharsis are toxic, I guess is what you could call a vice. If it is not hurting you directly, or hurting anybody around you that is not guilty of anything. It will hurt you in an indirect way by not releasing your anger freely in a way that accomplishes the purpose your anger should accomplish and lead to resolution.

Anger is a largely a taboo in today society for multiple reasons, one of which is that is the way the victim of abuse set themselves free from their abusers. Which means that for a lot of people that means the end of the free raid, and their parasitic lifestyle, it is a way to disarm the victims of abuse.

You can go back to most people's childhoods, where expressing anger was forbidden or severely punished, because the parents were abusive and they didn't care about the needs of their children. Allowing the people around you to get angry is one of the best indicator that you care about them, it is an indicator that you are willing to negotiate and find a win/win solution to whatever challenge you might have.

This is how we are conditioned in the early stages of our lives to suppress our anger, and suppressing your anger was the right thing to do during your childhood if you grew up with abusive parents. Internalizing the abuse allowed you to reduce the amount of abuse you received from the outside. Unfortunately this is a pretty hard habit to break and a lot of adults still behave like children with abusive parents.

The energy behind your anger can go away, it needs to be released in some way into the world. And that is the purpose of a catharsis, sometimes catharsis can take the form of self destructive behaviour while often can take the form of innocent actions. Either way just releasing the anger through a catharsis is not enough to solve your anger problems. Until you don't manage to assert your needs and successfully defend your boundaries, your anger is simply going to persist because there is no resolution from the threat.