Why is happiness getting further and further away from us?

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(1) Lack of self-care awareness, and gradually lose the ability to perceive happiness through fatigue and accumulation.

Nowadays, it is normal for office workers in first-tier cities to leave work at eight or nine o'clock every day. Maybe you think that “work-life balance is not important. You can work hard while you are young. But after working for a period of time, we will find that our emotional state is getting worse and worse, as if we can’t do anything. This situation is due to the physical presence "Red warning" issued when the pressure is too high.

When there is a strong stimulus, we have a stress response. It will actively mobilize the physiological system, such as secreting a large amount of adrenaline, so that we can produce more energy to solve problems. But the explosion of the "small universe" has a limit. If we often stay up late with youth and don't give me time to take care of ourselves, we will soon fall into a general "fatigue period"-being dragged down by the almost exhausted physical and mental state, and lose the ability to perceive happiness.

(2) "Should trap": Do what others think you should do and suppress your inner desires.

When talking about unhappiness, they will mention a common reason: to be a job that their parents look decent, but they don't actually like it. Faced with the expectations of the original family, as well as the risks and discussions of career changes, their balance eventually tends to compromise: they are willing to violate their true self and live in a mask in disguise. On the surface, your life may be peaceful and beautiful, but the mismatch between people and the environment will make cognitive dissonance more and more serious-there are always two concepts of "I should" and "I want" fighting in your mind , Constantly tortured by psychological conflicts, and ultimately destroy your original happy self.

(3) "Happiness trap": Looking for happiness in the past, regardless of whether it can meet the current growth needs.

Everyone has a way to deal with stress. This familiar field will give people a sense of security and control, which makes us reluctant to come out and face growth that may bring pain and frustration. This is the so-called "comfort zone". In terms of emotional regulation, hiding in the comfort zone is also the reason why we are getting more and more painful.

I know a friend, Mingming. She believes in "to cure all diseases" and go shopping to relieve worries when she is unhappy. But she complained to me: "It's useless to chop hands now. When the excitement is over, it becomes difficult or difficult. This is the need of human development. Without economic conditions, our primary goal is to survive. We are happy to buy a new bag. After working for a few years, happiness depends more on the spiritual level, such as the sense of accomplishment at work and the sense of connection in love. If we just walk around in the comfort zone, don’t try In a challenging but truly happy way, we will not be able to meet our growth needs and fall into an increasingly painful situation.

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• How to adjust this unhappiness?

Find a balance between work and life to avoid long-term high pressure and stress.

We must remind ourselves in our hearts: "If we are always too tight and have no time to rest, no matter how hard the rope is, it will break." You must force yourself to stop. For example, take a good rest at home, ride a bicycle outdoors with friends, participate in art exhibitions, and let your universe regain energy.

Adjust your personality, learn to pay attention to your own feelings, and reject the unreasonable expectations of others.

Many people have a tendency to "value constraints"-they always feel that only by meeting the expectations of the outside world can I be valuable, otherwise I will be useless. Therefore, it is more and more painful to wrong yourself in order to cater to others. In order to get rid of this situation, we need to show a real attitude and say "no" to things that go against our hearts. If you have a strong ingratiating personality, you can start from a few small places: you like traditional culture and have planned to travel to Luodai Ancient Town. But my classmate insisted that you change your plan and go to Shanghai Disneyland together tonight. We can tell her, “No, I still want to take some time to understand Hakka culture. You can find other people. Make a clear line with others and don’t let them occupy the space of your true self. Only by working hard to refuse can we reduce "I should" and The conflict between "I want" can relieve the feeling of inner tears.

Break through the comfort zone and choose a response method that meets current needs.

When you are under tremendous pressure and subconsciously want to chop your hands, remember to ask yourself: "Am I blindly following past experience or choosing the most appropriate method? Just like when we are hungry, we need a big meal. Meals, not a few glasses of water. Even if pouring water is easier than cooking, it can help us quench our thirst, but it can’t keep you full now.

Back to reality, it's still the same. If you are facing intimate issues, you need to learn to communicate and adjust unreasonable beliefs so that you can truly be happy. If you use your hands to avoid relationship conflicts, the main contradiction has not been resolved, and no matter how much you buy, you will not be happy. Only by letting go of the obsession with safety and choosing a path that is painful but can meet the needs of growth can we have down-to-earth happiness.