You Will Not Find Lasting Happiness By Seeking More, But By Wanting Less

in happy •  7 years ago  (edited)

Happy book.jpg

Yesterday, I wrote about how happiness is a lack of want.

I even came up with a really good quote for myself “You will not find lasting happiness by having more and more, but by wanting less and less.”

This is something that I feel warrants further discussion.

I have researched and found that peak happiness for both America and the U.K. happened in 1957. A full 35% of Americans responded to a happiness survey stating that they were “very happy.” For the U.K., they had historians scour the records and found that works published in 1957 contained the largest amount of positive words.

We have not surpassed those levels since even though we have more technology, more income, more STUFF than we did 60 years ago. Yet, we are not happier as a people. That's not to say that some of this stuff hasn't made us happier, but that any additional happiness has been canceled out by other things.

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We all need to have at least a minimum level of comfort.

Living in a cardboard box by the dumpsters, being hungry, sick, and cold of course having more will make us happier. But once we are past that level of existence, further stuff doesn't really make us any more happy.

To put it another way, having one or two winter coats gives us vastly more happiness than winter coats 3-10. Having $100 as a homeless person gives way more happiness to him than it would to me as I already have many 100's of dollars.

Now we are bombarded daily and from every direction with sleek advertising telling us that that way of thinking is wrong. That we can only become more happy buy having whatever it is they are selling. That this new gadget (which is only slightly different than the one we already have) will instantly solve all the problems we have in our lives. Sure, buying that new thing can give us a temporary boost to our happiness, but it is fleeting. To get that feeling again we need to buy more. Then more again. It is a never ending chase towards a happiness that can never be lasting. Then you have to factor in the time spent at work to accumulate the money to buy these things (don't forget the taxes, both income and sales), the clutter that it causes, the time spent maintaining it and you have to wonder if the whole process causes a negative happiness when it is all factored together.

It doesn't even stop there.

Because we spend all this time away from building personal relationships due to more work or time spent on the stuff, we distance ourselves from each other. Building stronger relationships with our spouse, family, friends, neighbors and others interested in similar things are well-known to be the major factor in increasing happiness past the level we have once our basic needs are met.

Think of the slow death of social and civic club memberships. Fraternal clubs like the Rotary, Elks, Shriners all the way down to bowling leagues all have less members than they had 60 years ago – even with a vastly increased population in the country. It all ends up with a situation in which the average person has fewer friends, associates, knows fewer neighbors, and all-in-all has a weaker community.

Many people no longer have someone they can talk to about personal matters. Maybe the internet has taken up this role, but I am not so sure it can provide the same level of support that a person to person chat can have.

It is not just that a person today has less emotional support, but that the logistical side is lacking too. If you end up needing someone to watch the kids, help moving, a ride to the airport, groceries if you are sick, or someone to watch your pets and house when you are on vacation you are increasingly unable to find anyone to support you.

Since someone is always going to need these things, the services have become outsourced. The gig economy has stepped up to fill this void that the lack of personal relationships used to. You can now hire out to have your groceries delivered, find a babysitter, grab an uber to the airport, get two men in a van to move your stuff, or have someone walk your dog. All these things used to be something that you could find within your strong social group, but now are purchasable commodities.

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It's a negative feedback loop.

We have to work even more to afford all these services, which means we have even less time to create the bonds with those around us. We have even more busy lives and look to these services to outsource more and more of our lives, which costs more money. It is a downward spiral.

In the past, it was thought that the increased industrial automation would free the human race from having to work many hours to provide for ourselves. John Keynes theorized that the workweek of the future would be just 15 hours.

That is not to be when the total U.S. Consumer debt is $11.4 Trillion. That takes a lot of hours to pay off. A lot of hours makes us stressed. Buying something for ourselves makes us a little happier for a moment. Which often is put on the credit card. It becomes a vicious cycle.

So it really starts to make sense that 1957 was the peak of happiness. We had enough, we had strong relationships and communities, and we had hardly any consumer debt – almost everything was paid for in cash.

But that all began to change in 1958 when both American Express and Visa were created...

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Hello @getonthetrain,

I first read your post on some blog on my regular web crusing :) i believe it was this one, it was nice hearing your story on how you started with steemit, it inspired me not to give up on steemit even more, and thanks for that.

So after reading that post i decided to follow you up here :) , as your words have resonated with me.
Now i had a chance to read some of your other content, great job my friend!!

To specifically comment on this particular post, it reminded me of a great TED talk i recently watched for the second or third time, it talks about one of a kind, 75 years research done by a harvard university on happiness and it trully emphasises the importance of relationships in our lives not only for our happines but for our actualy livelihood and health.

If you didnt had a chance to see it I really recommend:

Other then that i am happy to get to know you, and perhaps share some stories...
Keep writing awesome content, ill be following :)

Best of luck

Peace
@carpedimus

Oh, wow, thanks. Yes, that is my blog there. :D

I just finished watching the TEDx talk you linked, and what a great talk it was. Thanks for linking it. Relationships are certainly a powerful link to your happiness.

I'll be looking out for your work here too.

You have some great content on the blog, though I have to be honest, it needs a little "facelift" user experience wise...

I see you using wordpress..you can try to simply using a more modern theme with better spacing and content presentation, styling, nicer CSS etc...

I have years of web programming experience, perhaps we can collaborate on that in the future ...
till then keep up the good work :)

Oh yeah, my crappy theme. That's been on my list - just that Steemit has commanded my time as of late. I appreciate the feedback on it though, I love no shit talk :D

I created the site as a way to profit off my older articles here - one of the downsides of the way we earn on Steemit.

Do you have any WP themes that you like for me to look into?

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Debt based economy's love debt slaves, the key is to break free from all the psychological advertising and subliminal messages telling us what we need. Slavery is alive and well and its an epidemic around the world even though many may not realize that they are debt slaves. Very well written post, something I rant about on occasion. Its nice to see it put together in a coherent package.

I appreciate the kind words @azfix

You got it bro.
You wont find lasting happiness by seeking, but by wanting less.
Great post.

This is really true. Sometimes i feel like i need more and achieve more, but at the end, i feel like '' why am i suffering this much?'' Though i really need to work more and achieve my goals, i think i should also take some times and appreciate(your past post) and be happy of the progress.

P.s---could you please send me your discord group link? trying to see how to reach to you.

getonthetrain #4940

Thank you @getonthtrain

Those are some really good points. Particularly about socialization, and I agree with you.

Having said that, personally I don't think much about happiness or "stuff". I think physiologically I'm just predisposed to happiness already. Past that, challenges and achievement make me happy-er.

I see all these posts about anxiety or depression on Steemit and it just goes over my head.

Similarly there are people in my personal life; family and co-workers that have all these problems, and I can't help but think some of them just came out that way.

There is probably something to what you are saying here. I've never even remotely been depressed, no matter how much shit I had to deal with. Just a shrug of the shoulders and a "let's get on with it" type attitude.

I disagree with your opening statement... but not in a straight forward way.

Happiness is not really a lack of want.
It is in practising appreciation of what we have.

The thing that makes us much sadder today is advertising.
It has become so good at making us feel less than, so that we will feel a compulsion to go buy their goods. Unfortunately, their goods are no where as good as what they said, and don't deliver on their promises.

So, modern advertising just makes everyone feel bad.
I would say advertising should be banned, but everyone I know avoids the stuff, just out of convenience if nothing else.

Happiness also comes from feeling like you are getting somewhere. It used to be you load 16 tons, and deeper in debt. Now it is load 300 tons, and you are even deeper in debt.

Even savers. People who have lots of savings in the bank are losing due to the invisible tax of inflation. You are getting further behind just by living. And this is by design.

Yet another masterpiece @getonthetrain. I can't stop praising your articles. Definitely worth thinking if I need more money or more satisfaction because money isn't buying me satisfaction.
I think about it but earning money keeps me busy and forget satisfaction. We are born, we chase things and we die.
And how did I miss your earlier article. Let me go back and read it.

I enjoyed your article, thanks for the mention too.

Pleasure. Always up for some nice learning's of life.

I am not sure with this one, I have always thought happiness was something extremely difficult to accurately be measured.

It also depends on how is the culture, because in differents cultures the question can be interpreted differently.

For example, years ago I remember reading that my country Venezuela was the happiest country in the world, and that sounded totally absurd to me, it wasn’t true at all.

I believe this era right now is the happiest of our history, we have less poverty, a better level of live, better science and technology that improves our lives. I really think our world is getting better, and that tomorrow will be better than today in the grand scheme of things.

Happiness is difficult to measure, but I believe that a large portion of it is what I wrote on this post.

Maybe if the AI's of the future don't go all "Terminator" on us we can have nearly everything we desire. Only that 'Hedonistic Adaptation' tends to come along and establish our new baseline emotional amount. Once something becomes our norm, we have the tendency to seek more.

So future advancements won't really help make people more happy. That is my belief.

The older I get, the less "stuff" I find that I want. After spending six weeks at a workshop in another state, and only having the amount of stuff that could fit on my carry-on luggage, I realized how little the rest of my things matter to me. And I started to downsize on stuff, which I really didn't have so much of to begin with (compared to the average American).

But I still want experiences. And--not sure if it's a bug or a feature with me--I want new, exciting and foreign experiences. Especially the kind involving travel. And those cost money, just the same as a new TV or phone would.

Ahh, but if you aren't spending your money on that new TV or phone then you actually have money to do the things that really matter! For you, traveling. That is the crux, most people spend $5 here $20 there and think nothing of it, but at the end of the month they have nothing left. Cut all that crap back, and spend money only on things that matter and you stack up those $5's and $20's until you can easily pay for those trips that you desire so much.

You’re so right.

Wow, spot on! We could really learn a lot from the previous generation about how to live well with very little and find out happiness in our connections to each other rather than material accumulation that is ultimately meaningless.

Less Stuff = Less stress, less distraction, less desire to be surrounded by that stuff instead of being out in the real world surrounded by life and time.

It is a fact that we do not own the things. Rather, they own us, which is really sad for today's world.

So true @getonthetrain. I've been trying to cut back and it's been paying me back in happiness. I think it offers you the chance to reconsider the things that are really important in your life and how you want to live. Thanks for motivating post :)

You're welcome @oen

Hey @getonthetrain

I am fond of self-help books and blogs.

Whatever you said is indeed a reality we all know but can't face.

Today because of social media and internet we have pressure of looking good and happy. We forgot happiness comes from inside and we must realize the differwnce between needs and wants.

I read book "a monk who sold his Ferrari". It's about giving importance to all espectacular of our life and time management.

Have you read it?

No, I haven't read it. I will have to check it out as it sounds like something I would be interested in - thanks :)

Yes a very successful article thank you for this :)

Good post, I am a photographer, it passes for my blog and sees my content, I hope that it should be of your taste, you have my vote :D greetings

Taking inspiration from your awesome writings about life, I have written a post myself. Do visit and let me know your feedback.
I have made a mention of you in my post without seeking your permission, I hope you don't mind.

Nice post I admire your writting skills 🤗

I want to be happy :) thank you for sharing.

Thanks for sharing. i want to be happy and enjoy my life.

Agree ! Nice post.
Upvote & following.

Thank you, Nang

yes, a little bit too much too