My depressed life

I am hoping that this won't be long.

You ask anybody who knows me, they'll tell you that I am one of those people who smile at strangers, wish good morning, laugh and just stay happy. To a certain extent, yeah, it's true but I wasn't always like this.

I was depressed, for 1 year. I don't know why it's such a taboo in India. If you ask anybody who is depressed, they'd tell you that depression never really leaves you, it stays with you. You can reduce it considerably but it won't ever go, it becomes a part of you, like it has become a part of me. Even now, sometimes, small things upset me, I cry for no reason etc but I have learnt to live with it and I'm genuinely a very very happy person. How did I do this?

In 2013, I left Delhi, the place I literally grew up there and moved to Bombay. I am used to moving around because of my father's job but this one was exceptionally hard, I was leaving my friends, my family, my dog, my school, my memories EVERYTHING. To top it all off, Bombay isn't even remotely close to what Delhi is like. Life is different, people are different, culture is different and EVEN the food is different. Initially, everything was fine. I didn't go to school, I used to stay at home, eat, sleep and do nothing, basically. It was like a dream. I had my own room, my own space for the first time which I didn't have to share with my brother. All my friends were envious. Then, school happened. It was a coed school. I hadn't studied in a coed school for as long as I remember. I couldn't make friends. I was invisible. So this is the part where the sad music plays. I got lonely, really lonely. I managed to make 2 friends who didn't really give a shit about me. My old friends made new friends. I started getting sick. My marks dropped. My dog died. It really doesn't sound like much, I suppose but it was my brain which was making it so bad. I started overthinking, the worst thing anybody can ever do. I started to become my worst enemy. I started self harming (I cringe when I think about it now) things got so out of hand that I was so close to taking a drastic step, a step which still makes me shudder. I was a different person. I stopped sleeping, I stopped studying, I stopped talking to people. I wasn't myself. I hated myself.

I could have gone to a psychologist, got anti depressants and lived my life but no, I wanted to do it myself. You see, somewhere, I realized that I couldn't live like this. I became determined to change, change this situation, change myself. So, here started a 3 months long journey where the destination was beautiful but the journey was a bit bumpy. My goal of achieving happiness kept me going.
I started by driving all the negative people from my life. This was the first and also the most difficult step. Surround yourself with positive people, encouraging people and optimistic people.
I started talking to people about my feelings. This helped so much because when you keep the things bottled inside you, they only and only grow. Talk to anybody you can trust. I talked to my mom and my best friend.
I also started to write (I used to tweet on Twitter) and maintained a journal.
I also stuck optimistic posters in my room so the first thing that greeted me were these posters.
I talked to myself. I reassured myself that I am fine and I can be happy.

I ate LOADS of chocolate and cut out coffee. I started baking. I also started prioritizing my studies. I studied, I studied a lot. It kept my mind away from all the crap in my life. My friends noticed my new and positive approach towards life and somehow decided to change. They are still there in my life. :)

This is no inspirational story, trust me. If I did it then so can you! There were days when I'd feel like absolute shit, trust me I've been there. My goals, my dreams and achieving happiness kept me going.

So 2 years later, I'm the happiest person you'll ever find. I'm one of those people who smile at random people because why not? Trust me when I say this, our life is too short to be unhappy. What is the point of living if you aren't happy?