This covers my time in college. I did not keep a regular journal in Tennessee, but notes here and there. Much of this section is from memory and more topical. After this will be another section based on my notes which are dated, and some of that information will mirror the information in this topical section.
In general, names have been changed or removed. Information may have been removed or added. Length is around 14 pages.
Renting a room from Raelynns at ………….. [Tennessee].
When I moved to …………., I rented a room from Raelynns and her daughter Remi. We had agreed on a price and that I could mow the lawn to knock it down a little more. One of my first conversations with Remi was that she no longer wanted to give that option. As I recall, she talked about past roommates and may have described her expectations of me by praising how everyone did house chores without compensation. My demeanor to her was cold and distant. I generally kept my distance from the family and did not involve myself in their affairs. One tactic I have observed is to couch harassment in layers of plausible deniability. You are presented with something that may be taken as a threat, but usually there is a non-threatening alternative explanation. Attempts are usually made at damaging your relationship with the people who have power over you, such as a roommate. If you give any reason why they could be upset with you, including that you are not happy with their unreasonable treatment of you, then that becomes a possible pretext for why they would commit crimes or harm against you. If you were to get past the first layer of an innocent explanation, they could say their retaliation was personal and not because they are informants. In this way, innocent people around the target can be coerced into committing crimes and other slights against the target, and be forced to become a scapegoat or fall man for the crimes of the handlers. This may be an example of such a pretext.
Apparently Remi was studying for the same major I was, and was the same age. I found that a bit improbable. It is typical for informants to pretend to have things in common.
While staying there in the beginning, Remi suggested she wanted to draw me out and become more friendly, and said something like "not staying in your room all day reading like I've seen you do." There isn't a very good reason why she would have seen what I did in my room alone. Also one day, when I was leaving through the front door with my pillow, my landlady called from her bedroom, worrying that I was moving out. She said she "saw" me, apparently with my pillows in hand. It is not clear to me how she would have seen me. This suggests to me that the family was able to watch surveillance of my bedroom. That appeared to be the case in [Maryland] as well, given …………. reaction when the shower curtain slipped.
Remi did not have a handle on her door when I first arrived. When we were talking, I was telling her about the travel lock, and she was on the phone with her boyfriend. She said a 2x4 propped up under the door handle could lock it, and I noted excitedly that this wouldn’t work because it could be knocked out from something coming in from under the door. She told him the reason she didn't have a handle was the time he locked himself out of his room and they had to bust the door down. This conversation made her tear up, and she left it quite upset. It seemed she wanted to encourage me to not lock my door.
[Written early spring 2019: In late August, while living at the Raelynn’s house, I prepared burritos for myself for the week before school started. [After] the first one I had I slept for four hours, and did wake up briefly when the dogs barked. After I awoke, I felt shaky and strange. I tried another a week later (9/4/18) and only ate a half, and tried to stay awake. I felt hot and flushed, and ended up sleeping for two hours.
///Warning: sexually explicit
I was on my bed, watching videos on my phone. I watched Bill Mar, and he joked about masturbating. I smiled and played the video again to hear something back. Then my google news app froze. I could scroll, but I couldn't open any story. This had not happened to this app before. There were several stories about sexual assault. One was, "A turtle was found in a woman's vagina, police suspect sexual assault." I went for a walk in ………….. I was catcalled two times. At no other time in TN have I been catcalled. One man asked me where my man was, the other was driving by and said it was his birthday and he wanted to get wonked.
///End sexually explicit
Before fall break, over a period of days, I noticed I felt unusually blank and dizzy. It got to the point that as I tried to study, all I wanted to do was lay down and let my head spin. I was not sure of the cause, so I began to make sure that everything was in order. I made sure I got enough sleep, exercise, vitamins, fresh air, and healthy food. I had up to that point regularly taken a half a pill of Melatonin to get to sleep. I cut that out of my routine and felt better quickly. The next day, the air conditioning was broken in the house. The main floor was uncomfortably hot where Raelynn stays all the time, but upstairs, my air conditioning worked. The next morning I felt dizzy again. I made sure to drink lots of water and felt better some hours later. The vents were blocked off in the other guest bedroom, and I put my foot by the bottom of Remi's (Raelynn's daughter who also lives upstairs) door and did not feel any cold air. I taped up my vent and opened my windows. The air conditioning was broken for one more day. I have generally not had any more of the same symptoms for some months afterwards.]
They later returned, apparently due to a gas in my room during the night. I designed a screen clamp, so I could keep my window open at night and still not easily broken into. After I did this, Remi asked me almost desperately if I kept food in my room, and kept offering me a place downstairs to store it. There wasn't any issue with me eating in my room, so she wasn't concerned about cleanliness. Many nights I noticed Remi walk back to the adjacent room's closet which goes behind my wall before she went to bed. On those nights I would wake up with my heart pounding harder and more steadily than naturally. This disrupted my sleep, and was not good for my health.
There was a nearby park I liked to go for walks. One day, I had an upset stomach while walking. I had to stop several times on the trail and rest. When I made it to the visitors center, there was a park ranger sitting there with a snide grin. He watched me and asked with contained glee "Hi, how are you?" I later saw that ranger driving truck #………….. The next time I walked in that park, a path was blocked off and that ranger's truck was there. It was two times that he followed my car out of the park. I had not done anything improper in the park to get that kind of attention.
At college one time I walked away from my food in the microwave. A blond girl walked past me. Her posture was rigid, and she was grinning. I was not gone for long. After I ate, I had a seriously upset stomach. The pain and duration was more severe than my natural symptoms. It seems that drugs that cause symptoms are considered after the target has shown those symptoms without them, as a form of plausible deniability. At my home, I left my food in the microwave and briefly went upstairs for a minute. Downstairs was Raelynn in a wheelchair and the caretaker. After I ate the food I left I had a severe upset stomach. [Left in one microwave was a sweet potato, and the other time was ramen noodles. -3/9/21] This and other cases suggest that informants around me were regularly carrying the drug waiting for the opportunity. When Remi got home, she asked me if I wanted some guacamole. That night she went to the closet, and I was woken and kept awake for hours with my heart painfully pounding. It was a half hour of diarrhea and I remember noting 8 hours of the effects of stimulants, and negligible sleep. When I got in my car, Remi got in the car in front of me, and seemed to watch me to see if I was going to do anything threatening. It is often the case that informants, especially the families I have lived with, are in serious fear for their own safety. The amount I appeared to be drugged that night went well beyond my normal treatment, and it makes me wonder if this was Remi trying to intimidate me into not retaliating. Informants can be forced into these dangerous positions, and so are effectively human shields for the agents. Some time later, a bookshelf collapsed in Raelyn’s room and I rushed in, as my instinct was to help. After this their attitude changed towards me, and they realized I was not going to hurt them.
Many other cases appeared to be attempts to drug me. At one church around Christmas, they were passing out bags of treats. When it was almost my turn to get one, a woman tapped me on the shoulder behind me, and nervously asked me the usual small talk questions, glancing over my shoulder at the man handing out the bags. I am turned away from the man before I can get my bag, so he had an opportunity to select a particular one for me.
It was after the point in time count for the homeless in January where I ate a chocolate chip cookie. I went to the …………. church. There was a table of snacks, which were all one sort of cookie except a chocolate chip one. After service there was only one cookie left.
I went to …………. during the time they were celebrating the ………….. At the time I was going to churches at random. I arrived to the [potluck] first. There was an older man who commented about the casseroles, "The thing about casseroles is you don't know what's in them." An old man, perhaps the same one, offered me a can of sweet tea at the drink table. I selected the lemonade, and he suggested it would go well with sweet tea.
One day at college there was a presentation on 3D printing. I selected a chair. The woman next to me was hunched over and turned away from me. Her body language suggested she wanted to get away from me. The treats served were from Little Debbie. One was a pie in a sealed bag. The pie had an opening in the middle. The glue on the packaging was a bit tough. After a while, the woman next to me had her cell phone in her hand on the table, directing the camera at me at an angle. After eating the pie I felt drowsy and spaced out for several hours.
There were several attempts besides drugging to disrupt my sleep. One was a strange screaming sound by my window. That sound was repeated later nights, but quieter and farther away. There was also one morning where dogs barked for 2 hours between 6 and 8. That did not repeat. Noise disruptions were rarely used at that location.
One Saturday at a club I attended for …………., the president of the club said in the military they have found that you only need 4 hours of sleep to function. That is generally the amount of sleep I was allowed to have. It seemed he was probing my attitudes towards the military. I had previously politely declined to show support at a veteran's table. Another thing the president mentioned was military brainwashing. I had looked up in interest. On my drive home, as I pulled into the …………. station, on the radio there was a story about a method the military uses to get to sleep in two minutes. She started describing steps to be hypnotized. I had acted very shocked to hear the story. That is the first time I inferred that my car radio was hacked. When I went into the station, the man with dark curly hair was laughing to himself. I asked him “What?” and he shrugged as though he did not want to tell me. Then after he reflected for a moment he told me that I spaced out for a minute there, and asked if I’m okay.
At college after getting only 4 hours of good sleep some nights, I felt exhausted. Sometimes I would go to a bathroom and just relax for ten minutes or so. I believe it was in the month of April, every time I would lower my head, someone would come into the bathroom and do something different to disturb me. This suggested to me that they had the ability to know my movements in the bathroom at any given location in the college, and at other locations as well for other reasons. One girl came in and started loudly cussing on the phone. The way she spoke it was as if it bothered her to cuss.
There were many things that came over my car radio that were like messages directed at me or attempting to influence me. For example, I changed my profile picture on Facebook to an inkblot. I was often misunderstood, which I usually did not correct, but there was a reason I wanted to point out that he misunderstood me. When I got in my car and turned on the radio, the song started with the line "I'm surprised how well you Cut my feelings to the bone Don't wanna leave you really I've invested too much time To give you up that easy To the doubts that complicate your mind We belong to the light We belong to the thunder..."
In another case, he was afraid I was going to be violent, (which he sometimes did without good reason), and on the radio was a woman talking about not doing things out of anger and waiting a week. Another case, after I started covering holes in my bedroom and more kept appearing, the woman on the radio was saying Megan and Harry were moving out of the house of Kate and William, and how funny it was that she didn't know this whole time they were living together. Another case, I was in my car in the park, and I put up some opaque sheets around the back seat so I could have some privacy. When I took them down, the radio announcer said "we play anything" and started a song not typical for that station, which was Love the Way You Lie, in which the man says if the girl ever leaves him, he'll tie her to the bed and burn the house down.
///Warning: sexual content
In another case, it was after Christmas, (I wrote about this in another place), and he had apparently broken into my room during the night and "unwrapped his present" by removing some of my clothes in my sleep. He decided he very much wanted me to look better naked as I have a skin condition. From the 12/25/18 passage: "I go to the library shortly after listening to a guy on the radio talk about the military. In the library, a girl talks about needing a wheat/sugar free diet. Back in my car, the same program has a guest speaker talking about a wheat free diet." Both a topical cream and a wheat and sugar free diet are methods to treat my skin condition.
///End sexual content
In another case it was like the song on the radio was a message, and the next one would be a response to the expression on my face. For example: This Feeling by the Chain Smokers, the lyrics "Do you love me or not," "you should really get to know me," one about being in love with a psycho, screaming "mine mine mine," "come on over sit next to me," "I'm a' tell em all, you can either hate me or love me, but that's just the way I am," "hell no, been waiting for too long, " which is about insisting on sex, "nothing breaks like a heart," "I'm a rebel just for kicks," etc.
One time I heard this song, I believe in reference to him worrying I would publish his treatment of me during Porcfest. "Do you really want to hurt me, do you really want to make me cry?"
It was therefore apparent that there were also cameras in my vehicle. Before I got rid of it, I went out with my tools to the driveway to look. A car pulled up with a man who apparently was some kind of pest remover. The man lingered around outside, so I was being observed, and there seemed to be some concern I would find something. I did check in my rear view mirror which looked clean.
The man at the gas station was one example, but it seemed that some employees from the stores I frequented were also informants. For example, a cashier at the …………. Dollar Tree picks up headphones I was buying, looks over them carefully, and comments they can be used to listen to things so no one else knows what you are listening to. The same guy sat in a chair by the exit one day and watched me check out with a gleam in his eye.
Shortly after they started drugging me, I visited …………. Church. A woman with …………. sat next to me. As I recall, she had her leg propped up in the pew, and was holding her cell phone in her hand facing me. After service she caught me before I left, and said "I know you don't remember my name." She emphasized the word "know." How would she know that? Her name is ………….. It seemed as though she expected me to be out of it and to not have a good memory. That may have been a known effect of the drug. During that period I spent most of the day studying, so it was likely intended to disrupt my ability to get an education. I had probably met [the same woman at that church] a few weeks before that. She encouraged me to join a Sunday school or some group where I could get personally closer to people.
The pastor of that church, …………., introduced himself to me twice (on different weeks). The first time I had told him I was a college student. The second time he first asks me "Which college do you go to?" And after that asks me "Is this your first time here?" It was like he was pretending to meet me again for the first time. He strongly encouraged me to go to a …………. night meeting, which again, was as if church fellowship was seen as a good place to spy. During the beginning of his sermon he is very nervous, which was uncharacteristic from what I know of him. He said we ought to get a buddy to study the Bible with, because we don't internalize the Bible as well if we are just studying alone.
There were many cases where it seemed at least some part of a sermon included some material I was to be tested with to see how I reacted, or was an attempt to influence my decisions. This was in [Maryland], but a church I went to for a while had a whole series of sermons insisting we fellowship more deeply with each other, excoriating those who cut out right after the sermon (which is what I did.) They brought in a guest speaker one week who had some history working with the government, and he gave a very well written sermon on how we don't fully know ourselves until we interact with different people, and how we as a building ought to be dependent on each other, and when one part shakes, the rest should shake. When he looked at me in the eye, it was like I had struck him. He seemed to be shaken and hesitant for some time after that. He knew I could see through him.
Many other pastors seemed to participate during a time I was picking a church at random, which speaks to the reach that a single "investigation" can have.
One of the things that was extremely common was for news sites to have some stories which were fabricated (more rare), or were relevant to something they wanted to test or say. One thing that is done almost dutifully is to mock me at every available moment. For example, I was constipated for a while, and there was a headline that said someone died of constipation. During the time I was being drugged, I saw a story about a mechanical caterpillar that crawls inside you while you sleep and drugs you. I think it was after taking a walk in a park with bees, I saw a headline that a woman had four bees under her eyelid that would damage her if she rubbed her eye. I also had pain in my eye at the time and had been rubbing it.
One time at college I had been studying outside, and ended up fighting mosquitoes. It wasn't long after, when I opened my passenger door to put my things in, a swarm of mosquitoes was released. I killed about 5 in my car. Having distractions while driving is potentially dangerous to me and the public.
One time not long after being sick I went to visit a church. I got there late, but figured I'd look around the building. I touched a handrail going to the youth room. The next week when I went there, I went to the bathroom, and some women came in and talked about how many of the kids got sick. That is often something done. If I have done something that could have gone wrong, I am made to think that it did. "Murphy's Law enforcement."
Many times people seemed concerned when I went into a bathroom. I was usually followed shortly thereafter. One week I went to a church, and saw a girl leave the sanctuary to get to the bathroom ahead of me. I decided I didn't like the sermon and went to …………., which has a lobby and adjoining single bathroom. The sermon was already going and I could hear it just fine from there, so I stayed. After a few minutes, a man came out and looked at me worriedly, and then checked out the bathroom. Then there were two men talking very loudly behind the door outside, perhaps to encourage me to go in. Then a guy came in and entered the service, perhaps to show me it was okay to do. My backpack that I usually carried around with me had been knocked over in my car when I got back.
I had some additional roommates for about a month. I had been told I could help decide, but given the fact I was keeping my distance it is understandable I was only informed after the fact. We had a jack and jill bathroom between our rooms [the doors on each side went into our bedrooms, not the hall], so it was a little complicated figuring out which way to face the locks. I remember Remi telling me I could either have my privacy or my stuff protected. It was a girl who moved in, but apparently unexpectedly she brought her boyfriend. They made some noise and mostly I ignored them. Though we did have a rule that when the bathroom fan was on it meant it was in use. At least once they left it on for hours while they talked in the bedroom. One time they brought friends over and stayed up late talking loudly. They moved away, and for the rest of the time (besides perhaps Raelynn's sister visiting) the other room was vacant. I was strongly encouraged at one point to move to the other room. I was told if I agreed to stay for six months I could have it no extra charge. Raelynn said it had a larger closet, and just "makes sense" for some reason. The other room was towards the front of the house, and did not have an easy way to get out of the house through the windows as it was on the second story. The one I lived in at the time was towards the back yard. The two windows were a few feet over a flat roof to a deck that was easy to stand on. There were fences around the deck that made it very easy to climb down. The back yard had a large privacy fence, and beyond that was a large wooded area. If I had wanted to escape out the back, that would have been a convenient way to do it. I think Raelynn strongly suggested I move twice or so. Also, one screen was dented in on one side, and was small enough that it was easy to slip to one side and pull out. This suggestion was made before my room was broken in at night.
There was a neighborhood dog who had no collar. It barked at me as I first moved in. Later I made friends with the dog and thought all was well. Then one day it went back to growling for no apparent reason. Remi saw this and wondered what had changed. I believe that dog belonged to a police officer who lived in the neighborhood.
After I visited my family in October, Raelynn tells me Remi will be gone for 2 weeks, and asks me to turn the porch light off when I get home after 8 pm. She explained it was left on for me, but that she wanted it off because it made it harder for her to sleep. I did not necessarily know what time I would be coming in on a given night. I told her not to bother leaving it on for me. It was a little unusual for me to communicate and coordinate with the family, so our conversation was a little strained. After that, there were two motion detecting lights placed in the main hall and upstairs hall. It was as though if the light was bothering me, I would have lights turning on all the time. It was a message like I am not in control of my environment, and they can annoy me as they wish, and do so in a way that people are socially obligated to assume is well intended. I had read before that this is also exactly the sort of malicious control stalkers and abusive EXs use against their victims.
After my car broke down, I would regularly walk to the grocery store. This was not convenient to do as there were places with no shoulder and tall grass. One day it rained. I remember Remi on the side of the road practically demanding I let her give me a ride home. Drones cannot fly in that weather, and there wasn't a convenient place to observe me along the whole route. Another time I went out to my car, the caretaker came outside and stared at me while on her cell phone for a while. It was like they were not prepared to surveille me when I went outside unexpectedly at that point.
I believe Remi told me one time she put dryer sheets in the dryer for me, but I'm not sure. My washcloths no longer absorb water well. I read more recently that dryer sheets will coat towels with a wax that ruins them.
While I went to …………. College, I attended a club at college for …………. I had looked at it online beforehand. When I arrived, I found the woman who ran it. She brought me to the room and gave me a specific computer to use, and said I was to speak to a boy named Gage. She was extremely exuberant. She repeatedly told me to sign in, and for Gage to help me. Gage was laughing, and told me it was because she was so excited. Apparently that is not how she normally acted. There were several alerts on my computer. I would close one and a different one would show up. Gage told me to ignore it. Gage was a programmer. He talked a little about Java. Quinn, the son of Kimberly, was the other person in the room. I went on Saturdays pretty regularly to this club. One week Gage mentions I dress like a school shooter. After that I noticed a staff member in the business section of the ………building ask me nervously how I was. I didn't respond, and he repeated his question almost frantically. Around this time as I walked across campus, a police officer in full uniform approached me and walked past. Campus security don't usually wear the same black uniform. This appeared to be to test if I was nervous, perhaps from carrying a gun and planning an attack. I had not intended to have my good fashion sense make such an impression. I went out and bought a fuzzy jacket with a green and black flannel pattern. After doing so, what I heard on my radio was a woman asking if you ever do something that makes people misunderstand you, and get so frustrated about it. She said not to worry, because God knows and loves you. That wasn't the only time Andrews used God as an analogy for himself.
I took four classes the first semester and dropped two. It was almost as if I was not allowed to go to college.
One class, the math class, had good content but was review. The others were disorganized, painfully simple, and strongly encouraged lax behavior and cheating.
In math class, the information was online. It was correct and functional. The teacher was good. Although I had already taught myself the material. In the first class, a blond girl with a British accent sat next to me and asked me if I would tell her something like when we had to be in class. She asked for my number so I could apparently answer questions she had about class. I directed her to the teacher and had no further problems. I asked for and was granted a recommendation for a scholarship from the professor. I never received any scholarships. I had brought my scholarship essay to the writing lab, and was told it was "outstanding." I did this twice, once for each semester. I had to get people to write letters of recommendation to submit as well. Each time, someone took an especially long time to send in their recommendation, as though it was contingent on something. The first to delay was …………. my …………., and the second ………….. I was very popular with them, so it is unclear why they did not get to it.
I took my tests at the math lab. During the fifth test, I was given a seat right next to the tutoring section. I was the only or one of the only people taking a test out of maybe 20-30 computers. The tutoring section was mostly empty. During most of my test, a tutor …………. loudly conversed with a student at the computer right next to mine. The …………. girl at the welcoming counter was laughing hysterically. I got an A. There was a tutor at the math lab, a …………. boy, who had this fixed half grin around me. He would have that expression as I passed him in the hall, and his eyes were on me and followed me.
In my …………. class, Mr Rasputin didn't seem to know what information he wanted to cover in a given class. He seemed to ramble a bit, and would end class early for no pressing reason. I received the answers to the test on my online portal. When I pointed them out to him, he announced to the class they could remove them "at your leisure." I did so but was still able to access them. I have written more extensively about his class under August.
Christian Pastor’s class (assuming that is his real name) was an exercise in lethargy. He arrived late (15 minutes I believe) to his first class with late notice. It was a four hour class, but he told us to expect lectures from 45-60 minutes, as his mouth gets dry, and to expect the class to let out early. He described studying as something we unfortunately had to get through. The first week no academic material was covered. The second, he gave a short talk describing the introduction, but gave the excuse that many students didn't have the textbook, so we couldn't start studying the first chapter. Classes were very short. I had ordered a textbook which arrived with many things written in it that looked like they could be answers. I did not verify that but erased them. Christian Pastor wanted to take us on field trips. He asked us if anyone would not be able to go to one. He made the grades such that missing one would as I recall mean failing the class. He kept insisting it was important to attend these. At one point he got very aggressive in his tone. It was so spontaneous, it reminded me of an abusive husband who feels comfortable intimidating his wife in a split second. I don't often see people speak that way, comfortable to be so aggressive, especially for not attending a field trip. He described a high security location, and told us with particular pride that he got to see such places. He didn't seem like a professor to me. He would have been more interested in lectures. He didn't seem like someone who worked in the industrial field. He would have been more comfortable with working the time he was scheduled to work. His disposition struck me as a police officer. I wasn't losing much by dropping his class. I had multiple roadblocks trying to drop his class. The computer would give me different excuses why I couldn't drop the class, maybe three or so different ones. I spoke to …………., my counselor, about the problem. She had some issue dropping the class as well. She ended up calling tech support. I remember she said something in reference to me to the people on the phone as if they knew, but I had not been part of her earlier conversation. I had to drop the class by a certain date, or else I would lose a large percentage of the refund. It was ultimately successful.
The fourth class I took was a CAD class. This seemed to have a real teacher who knew the material pretty well. During the beginning of the class, professor Trenton said the word "mesmerize" and paused, smiling, looking at me. This was around the time I was attending the class of the apparent stage hypnotist Rasputin, which I describe later, and lends to the credibility of my assessment of him. Early in the class I was approached by the professor about a student who sat next to me. This girl was effectively ignoring him, and the professor wanted to know what I noticed. I said I didn't want to get in the middle of it, and directed the conversation back to my own studies. This could have been to "sow discord" among me and the other students.
There was another student who seemed to be an undercover cop, called Memphis. He talked about wanting to drop his solid works class often. I usually sat in the same place. When I moved to another chair, there was a look of dread on the face of a student next to me, as I recall on more than one occasion. There was no reason. I was helpful to other students, and asked questions in class. At one point during the semester, likely during the time I was being drugged, the professor changed his teaching style. He seemed to want to do a poor job of his lectures, and asked if it was clear as mud. Many lectures were fill-ins or repeats. At the end of the class, he said the next teacher complained that he hadn't taught them anything. The tests were open book and could be taken twice. The correct answers appeared after the first attempt. Before the final, he said we could just reference the screenshots we took of the answers, so this class was also encouraging cheating on the test. Though it was never explicitly said, the teacher suggested it seemed to him some of the CAD drawings were very similar to others, and he would hate to have to call anyone out for cheating. I was one of the better students in the class, and I kept my CAD files on my school email. It was possibly a way to frame me for giving those files to other students.
The teacher often recommended his friend Christian Pastor's Autodesk Inventor class to me.
During the lecture on November 5th, the professor said "The Bible is written one way, but it is open to millions of interpretations. Don't leave your dimensions up for interpretation." This was right after I had read Romans 13, the passage about obeying the government.
During the lecture on November 12th, the professor warned us we could be legally liable for mistakes in our CAD drafts if it resulted in damages.
During the lecture on November 19th, Memphis said he had been hacked. Professor Trenton said you had to check your bank account for small charges on cards to protect against fraud. I had just reinstalled my operating system, and couldn't get my VPN TORguard to work for a day or two. Logging in to my bank would have meant exposing my credentials to others who had access to the network.
Another thing that was a common problem in that class was for the computers to take an extremely long time to load, sometimes a half an hour. I often studied AutoCAD on off hours, and remember I believe Memphis acting exasperated it was taking so long. They like to encourage you to be frustrated and give up. I pushed through regardless.
During one class, a boy stopped by the door, looked at me (on the far end), and made a motion with his hand across his neck like negating, or "cut it out." I didn't understand. He mouthed to me, "It's all a lie." And gestured to the whole room. There were maybe 15-20 students in that class, but he singled me out for that message. I didn't know him.
The next class after my cat died (my mom had posted the story about the military's technique to get to sleep right after she posted Snickers had died, so it seemed Brian Andrews was claiming responsibility for her death), the professor talked about someone pouring gas on a school and lighting it on fire, perhaps to see if I was intending revenge. Gage was in the room. He said how studious I was, that I seemed to always be there studying. I see Narcissists do this simultaneous injury and friendship thing sometimes. It seems to me that it is intended to brutally damage a person, but then offer them a face-saving way to surrender. It seems they are thinly veiled with a moral pretense for their actions, and this rationale is what people will grasp and vehemently defend, so they do not have to face the reality of the threat beneath. Even if that pretense is fairly absurd, like an "investigation" of a "national security threat."
During the final, I was contesting some of the answers I got wrong. I wanted to take the professor's comments on them to the tech support center, but the idea of going there seemed to bother the professor.
I continued to study AutoCAD on my own and signed up to take the AutoDesk test. I had to drive to Georgia. I chose a closer location. I entered a large building with many rooms for businesses like apartments. I found a list of businesses downstairs, but could not find the name of the company who was administering the test. A man passed by, and it turns out he had just come from there and told me which room it was. Another man studied the directory after I left. I found the office, which seemed run down and shifty. The woman checked the room where I would test, and said as I recall that I would have to wait. I decided to go to the other location in Atlanta about a half an hour from there. I paid for the test, and the payment took some time to process. I used the bathroom there, and a woman opened the door while I was inside. The woman who worked there gave me a time to wait. I went out to the parking lot to look over my CAD notes text file, but my phone would not open the file. There was an issue accepting my payment, and it took much longer than it was supposed to. This began to look like it would cut into my testing time. They closed at 6 and it was around 3. The payment went through, and she started to set me up. Apparently they did not have my test downloaded, so she had to download all of them at the same time. I sat next to her, and commented jokingly when I saw it had downloaded 34/33 tests. Eventually the test started, and seemed to function correctly. I passed. On the way back it was dark and raining, and of course I was unfamiliar with the area. Google maps would not work. I managed to find my way back anyway.
10/10/18
I attempted to take one class half-way through the semester taught by Kimberly. I asked her the time and days the class would be. At first she emailed me back in a way that was very confusing, to the point of totally incoherent. I asked again for the time and days the class would be, and she says that she is waiting to see who else registers. I went back to look at the conversation, and found that her first response was not as I had remembered it. It did include the specific time of the class. But then I looked at the email she sent several minutes after that one, and she says, "that is why I was vague on a time for next week." So it seems she confirms that the earlier email should be as I remembered, which was why I asked for the class time directly after. It seemed to me the earliest email had been changed somehow. That being said, as I review the email I have now, it is not clear enough that there is an inconsistency and that I was right in my initial judgement that it was incoherent. Either it seemed to me the email with time and day was totally incoherent to me when it wasn't, or the email had been tampered with. Given the advanced math I was doing at the time, and the lack of other similar problems, it is hard for me to say the fault is with me. The class time given for the first day was right after the 75% refund period would expire, meaning I would stand to lose a lot more money if I dropped the class after attending the first day.
I did drop her class. Because I signed up for that class late it required the Dean's signature. After I dropped her class the Dean seemed fearful of me. I spent a lot of time on campus, and would go for walks after studying for hours on end. This sometimes took me to the …………. building where the Dean was, and it seemed I always ran into him. One day, a girl stopped me as I walked down the hall, and told me I can go down the hall to the side where they are having a ribbon cutting if I want, that it is open to students. They had just built a new manufacturing lab, which was of interest to me. I say sure and check it out. Everyone is in suit and tie. The president of the college is there, and the Dean is there as well, who is of course rather freaked out. I didn't see any other students. There were probably wealthy donors present. It seemed she wanted to put me in a place where it was inappropriate and I would look bad to the leadership.
My college had a gym open to students. At first things went well. They sometimes played the radio in the gym. There was a song that would have been clear that I liked from surveillance in the car. The lyrics went "When I taste tequila..." I liked to run, and would stay on the treadmill for a while. A boy would pass me several times and check me. When I had hit my runners high or was smiling, the song about tequila would come on. After that would be a song about sex. This sort of thing happened more than once. This was likely psychological conditioning to get me to associate my positive feelings towards running with drinking and sex. That is what sexual predators do, not investigators. I have seen this sort of psychological manipulation from another narcissist. The woman who worked in the math lab came to exercise one time. As I left she followed me. There was an exit door that I passed. She stayed there and watched me for some time as I went to the woman's bathroom, where I would change. The next time I go, the sign in sheet has a legal waiver in case of injury on the top. Normally it is just a blank paper, and not a legal form. It seems to be originally intended for some team or group. I don't sign. The woman in charge of the gym enthusiastically waves to me as I enter, which she normally didn't do. She later comes in looking around for me with a panicked expression. It seemed she had very much hoped I would sign the waiver. Later, a blond girl follows me to the women's restroom. I change in the stall, and then she goes in the one I came out of immediately after. There were plenty of other stalls she could have taken, and she didn’t have to wait for me.
I went to the print shop on several occasions. The man at the print shop tested me, saying he counted fewer copies than there were for me to pay for and I corrected him. He said, astonished, "So you’re honest." The next time he saw me he was suspicious again. One time I attempted to print off some tax forms, and it printed something like special characters. I caught it, and they made the correction. When I went to print my resumes, the boy who worked there went to cut them for me, and cut them incorrectly, so it had to be redone. There were many cases when service people would make accidental but a bit unlikely mistakes. This is passive aggressive harassment.
At college, I regularly had computer issues, some of which I have in pictures. I often saw that the firewall is not up. Sometimes when I log off I see a notification that someone else will be logged off too. Sometimes a terminal pops up for a second. I had a notification when I attempted to open Firefox that said that Firefox was a blacklisted application. The second time it happened, I went to the library and asked a boy behind the counter …………. who said he was tech support what that was. He said he had never heard of it but would pass on my complaint. The next several times it happened I took screen shots. I asked him later if he had heard back. He seemed frightened to talk to me. He said he hadn't, and said it was something the professor would deal with. It happened on several different computers in different classrooms, and generally the professors don't address software issues.
I was studying AutoCAD in the library, and for some time, I heard conversation between some librarians, including the guy …………., about reading people and detecting lies, and a variety of things that might be designed to make working for an intelligence agency appealing. There were a number of appeals to encourage me to join the dark side, particularly when it seemed I had the advantage and it would be safer for them, or when it looked like I was about to "lose" and was being given "terms of surrender."
I went to several board meetings concerning the homeless, which were open to the public. That seemed to be an unusual thing to do. Perhaps some board members were suspicious of me. I was advised to attend the Point in Time count if I really wanted to know what was going on in the homeless community. That is a day when volunteers take to the streets, count the visibly homeless population, and fill out surveys of willing participants. We all met together beforehand for training and supplies. Several women offered to bring me on to their team. Our de facto leader worked with the homeless in healthcare. Other teams had maps, but we were told which area to look around. It was a cold January night. As we conversed, the leader turned to me, and with a changed, wary tone, asked me, “Sharon, where do you live?” I told her I wasn’t homeless. I thought I should handle the supplies, but on the first street we stopped on, she handed me a pile of surveys and directed me to two men who approached us. I hadn’t even read the form yet. I asked for a pen. The leader said she didn’t have any, and jokingly asked the homeless guy if he had one. I asked another girl and she said she left them back at the car, but would go get them. I waited for some time, and then thought to suggest she take someone with her, when I saw she hadn’t left. Then I saw a pen sticking out of one of the girl’s hair buns. I took it, and her face flashed with realization and excitement, and after a pause, she said she had forgotten she put it there. I went back to the gentlemen. They were standing calmly, firmly, and focused, posture fully forward, one back and to the side of the other. He provided me with his name, and I searched for the name field in the form. I asked the leader, and she pointed to the top line, "Just put it there." “No, that’s not the location.” I answered. "Well I don’t have my glasses; I left them in the car." I didn’t see it around the top, so I moved on and worked through the survey with him. He answered immediately and dispassionately, even about questions of a more personal nature. Their manner was somewhat robotic. They reminded me of cops. That was the only person I interviewed. When we went back to the car, I asked the leader if she shouldn’t bring her glasses so she could conduct surveys, but she didn’t want to get them. We did not search very systematically, and took the bus sometimes to keep out of the cold, approaching a few homeless as we saw them. We also passed many, and the leader didn’t care to get off the bus when I pointed them out. They decided to go back rather early. The expressions of those who received us were rather grave, as was mine. After a moment, I thanked Lily for inviting me. She perked up immediately with relief. It appeared I had been intentionally set up for an undercover mental health evaluation, and that some members of the board were involved. I went the next month to the meeting. Lily was very hesitant, but seemed to gain some confidence and asserted that these meetings were in fact open to the public. Eventually she started emailing me the reminder to attend right before the meeting. I had been relying on those, and ended up missing them. During one of the meetings a member stood up and announced to the group that they were looking for people to help them build green buildings, perhaps people who felt that college had failed them. I spoke to the man afterwards. He had a cold smirk the whole time.