My 30 year fight with food and anorexia.

Back in my late teens I had anorexia although at the time I had no idea what that was. It didn't develop because of some body image thing, I was tall and thin and as a bloke didn't think much about my body. I just fell out of love with food and eating and over a few months the amount I ate just got less until it was taking me all day at college to eat a bag of crisps.
My parents didn't realise I'd stopped eating as during the week I'd be at college where they thought I was eating and at weekends I'd be out and about.
It all came to a head one Saturday when I walked downstairs and mum was cooking bacon, the smell of it made me feel sick and I had to run to the toilet to be sick. My mum was instantly suspicious and we talked, well she asked questions and I answered. I'd not even realised that my eating had become a problem but I had got to the point where I just couldn't eat as my stomach had shrunk so much. Within an hour we were down at the local health food shop in the next village and she had a bottle of tablets to increase my appetite and a load of those milkshakes that body builders use to bulk up.

(me in my early 20's spaced out at the Glastonbury festival)

Over the next couple of months my mum watched my eating like a hawk and cooked me a meal every night that was followed by a milkshake. I had to have 3 of those milkshakes every day and it must have cost my parents a fortune but I began to be able to eat more.

The problem was I didn't rediscover a liking for eating and food.

During my time at University my parents sent me regular food parcels but even with food in my cupboards my eating habbits began to slip back until I passed out in a pub. One of my friends knew of my past problem and had met my parents a few times and she threatened to phone my mum and tell her I wasn't eating unless I sorted myself out so I again began to force myself to eat.

Even now as a married man with kids I have to remind myself to eat as it's not that often I feel hungry and will go all day without eating until I cook the evening meal. I find that cooking helps me eat more as I love to cook and experiment with food, but it's cooking for others, not myself. While others enjoy their meals I just eat it. I know when I've cooked something that tastes nice but I get more enjoyment from cooking it than eating it.
I often go though stages where I really don't want to eat anything but I've got a family to look after so I force myself to eat something.

Most people think anorexia is about young girls and body image but it's not, with me I just don't enjoy eating food.